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I love my husband but I love with my ex, who is also married and we still talk.

Before my now husband and I got together, I was with a guy for years. This guy took care of me and made me feel amazing but When we were together, we fought a lot and had jealousy issues-we were young. I thought he was cheating on me a lot although I was never able to prove anything. For almost 2 years I  have been talking to him by social mediat. He knew I was engaged and I knew he had a pregnant wife. We talked as friends and then it lead to more. We had some unresolved things that needed to be talked about from our past and the chemistry and feelings sparked on both ends. This guy listens to me, makes me feel beautiful, is a hard worker, close to his family, is very driven in all that he does. These are qualities that attract me.
My husband is the complete opposite. Isn’t driven at all. Doesn’t make me feel confident. We are total opposites. Constantly interrupts me and doesn’t allow me to finish a sentence. My husband is NEVER wrong-of course. I have stayed in this marriage because of our son but recently our son has told me that his father doesn’t pay him any attention when he’s home and I’m at work.
I’m completely torn on what to do. Do I stay in the marriage because I love this man and we are married and have a child? Do I take a risk and leave? The ex has said that if I leave, he would leave. Now, I’m aware how that sounds and I don’t expect him to leave his wife and I don’t get my hopes up regarding that. I hope that we eventually end up together and he does as well. We have both talked extensively about how we feel that how we ended was wrong and things should be different and how we should be together. I have told him that if I leave my husband, I don’t expect him to drop everything.
I don’t know what I’m asking here or what I’m looking for. We have stopped talking to each other plenty of times on Social media and then we start back talking and sparks fly. The attraction and chemistry with the ex is something that seems like it should be from a romance novel. The attraction and chemistry to my husband is basically non existence.
Can anyone offer any advice on which road to go down? Past experiences?
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3060903 tn?1398568723
Did you start this affair when you were engaged and his wife was pregnant? how old is your son? the time line is a bit confusing, but it sounds like you've only been married for a short time, and you son is very young. It would help knowing a bit more of the time line?
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3060903 tn?1398568723
and your the ages of the adults.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
Also, i'm hoping you don't mind my asking. Did both you and your ex get married because of pregnancy? How long did you know your husband before you married, and how long did your ex know his wife before he got married.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
Oh yes, have you discussed with your husband what your son has said about how he feels all alone (probably feels unloved) when he's with his dad? You only get one bio dad and it seems that there should be work put into helping your son and his dad to become closer. Sounds like you need to get your husband to see the light, regardless of what you end up doing. I think honesty is the key to your predicament.. You say you "love" your husband, but you started at least, an emotional affair while you were engaged. That doesn't sound like love to me from the get go. You've only said negatives in terms of your relationship, nothing positive at all. I'm wondering how you could love someone when you've pretty much said you don't like him. And  regardless of why, i think your husband deserves to know what you've been up to. As well as your exes wife. At that point, it would be up to you both respectively as to whether you wish to rebuild and see a marriage counselor to try to make things work., for the children or otherwise. While you've made it clear that you think little of your husband, you haven't said that you ex doesn't love his wife or got together with her due to love. If that were the case, that he did love her, his mistake was talking to you at all. It's unlikely that he will be able to keep his family together for the right reasons, with you in the background, especially if you made yourself available.  There's at least 4 peoples lives that will be forever blown up just because , it seems, that you and your ex didn't get the memo that talking to exes is not acceptable while in a relationship, especially one that includes children.

And yes, i have had some experience with what's gone on in your experience. My first boyfriend was engaged to be married, when i came back into town as a single mother, and he told me he would break his engagement so that we could be together. I shut him down and never talked to him again. Without me hanging around, i'm sure he worked on loving someone else, and probably has been happily married for the last 25 years.to a good women that deserved 100% of his affection.  I can only pray so.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
Incidentally, when i was younger I did grapple with impulse control so i get it, but marriage ... common law relationships... are nobodies business to mess with , even me, even when it would have been easy when i was single to use or even settle for this guy that was thoroughly enamoured with me. Awhile ago when i was momentarily depressed i thought of contacting him, but if my wish for him came true, and he was the father of a few kids, having stuck it out and fallen deeper in love with his (unfortunately on the eve of his wedding 2nd choice wife) WIFE - i just couldn't be that selfish to insinuate myself  into another couples marriage. It's funny, i sit and talk about these things with my 30 year old son, and i feel proud that i refused to come between a couple.

I'm glad you decided to ask for other perspectives ; and hope that my effort on your behalf may hold some grain of value to you, be it to strengthen your own viewpoint or perhaps choose to get out of your comfort zone and try a direction you might never before have considered. .Thank you for your post.

Have a good season and may you find peace in the new year..
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