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Avatar universal

I miss him so much it hurts?

So I'm a freshman in high school and yes I know I'm young but my boyfriend and I just spilt and I miss him so much. We started dating two weeks ago and it has been so great, we went to the movies last Friday and that was the last time I saw him. Being with him made me so happy. He seemed so serious about our relationship I was sure I wasn't going to get my heart broken. But he started talking about how he missed what he had with his ex. And he seemed like he was flirting with other girls. I had so much anxiety when I wasn't with him and I asked him if he wanted to take a break since he clearly didn't know what he wants. He said yes and we split. I asked him if we were just on a break or if it was over for good and he said "I don't know I'm not really in the mood to be in a relationship plus schools starting so idk but someday maybe we can start over" i told him I couldn't be friends right now (since there would be no way of getting over him) and he said that's fine, but a day after we broke up I sent him a paragraph spilling my heart out and telling him how I really feel, and he said thanks ily but i don't know what to say. And I told him that I figured he wouldn't and I wanna be close friends soon and I told him the reason I can't be friends now is because it's too hard and he never responded. I'm so sad tho and I miss him like crazy, sometimes I look at his social media and I saw him wishing his ex a happy birthday, and saying he loves her and that makes me so upset. I don't think I'll find anyone like him. He's perfectly fine and I'm miserable without him I don't know what to do
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Avatar universal
Ditto what I said on Your post of August 13

134578 tn?1546634665
Time will heal this.  Do one day without spilling your guts or texting or crying, and then do one more.  By the third day, you will notice that the world is a better place, and by the fourth day it will look even better.

While you are doing these first days that are going to be hard, do things you like.  Movies, shopping, the beach, hobbies, crafts.  That helps a lot.  Also, get out and meet people you know.
3060903 tn?1398568723
First of all , i'm really sorry that you're heart feels like it's breaking.:(

Dating is about learning about ourselves and learning about others.

And the good news is that you have had an experience, and therefore you are becoming more experienced in the art of love.

When we date so young, (all of us) we begin upon the journey as innocents. We have the tendency to believe too readily and therefore to be easily deceived. I think that Life (one of the male contributors)  touched on the point in your earlier post, when he said... "Whats happening here is that is getting it all for him self! And he might be after getting some intimacy! ".

"I love you" to some young people means , " I have no experience with women, and I want to gain some experience" So they say thing like I love you and (may) want to raise a family with you". Of course you're hurt. This is early in your dating experience, and you believe what you hear. You've probably been raised  to say what you mean, and mean what you say , right? But in the wild and wacky world of raging hormones you are now learning that you must stand back and read between the "lines". That's not saying that you are not lovable, and that he didn't mean what he said in the moment. But alas, he is immature. and immaturity in a relationship can be and often is, hurtful.

So, you couple your feelings right now , with what you're learning and you give yourself credit for gaining experience and knowledge about dating that will come in handy, as you' have many years of dating (if your priority right now is your secondary and post secondary education, which if you were my daughter I would try to sway you to prioritizing above any immature relationship)..

So what you can learn from this is what "subjectively" and "objectively" means and how it can help you to proceed through your adolescents, so that you don't get hurt on this subject, as easily, at least.

Thinking about the term "I love you" and what that means. The term is subjective. in other words, it means something different to whomsoever says it. And you need to look at the term "objectively" in other words, you need to understand that you need to view the statement as a view of truth or reality. which is free from any individual's influence.

What the folks here are saying to you, throughout your three posts on the subject, is that you must look at the term "objectively". As all have agreed, this young man's last relationship was only a couple of months. A few months is in the  beginning stages of getting to know a person. If that's the reality, then his saying that he "loves" both his ex and you, is coming from an immature person who is either trying to manipulate women (telling them what he thinks they want to hear to move forward for his own reasons) or from a perspective of immaturity (not knowing that it takes much longer to know if you "love someone enough to want to start a family".

I know i've gone on and on, but i wanted to help you think about this differently. This is NOT a bad thing, if You Have Learned From It.

The fact of the matter is , at your age, it is not the right time to consider "playing house" ,Many people regret becoming too involved with one person, rather than to be "pragmatic" (businesslike) about their secondary and post secondary education. The fact is, that this is the time where you fight for your spot in society. So my (long winded) answer to you, is to smell this rotten egg. and let it go. It was a mistake that he told you this, and a mistake that you believed him. So, let it go. We're human, it's a small mistake, (that hurts a lot). But you both made a mistake. You've reached out here, because you want to learn from what's happened. Is your ex. so inclined? Would he use that word again to manipulate, or would he be wiser.with his words.? The thing you need to learn to do, is to LIVE AND LET LIVE. Let him learn his own way, And learn by yours. Yours was to reach out here. And we're all glad to help you, We've all been where you are right now. I have a GREAT deal of respect with how you've handled yourself. Your knew enough to ask for advice.

Keep your chin up. You're learning. Forgive him, for he knows not what he says. Move on and be extra good to yourself. Rejoice that you have gained some experience. Please please, go very slowly with your "love life" right now. There's plenty of time. BE DISCERNING about who you give yourself to, IF you choose to do so at all, during these early years.

You say..."He seemed so serious about our relationship I was sure I wasn't going to get my heart broken." This is what you wanted to believe was happening. It's called naivete.

3060903 tn?1398568723
One more thing, , saying "I love you " is not wrong amongst friends. But the moral of This story, is to beware if it is meant to manipulate you in an unsafe manner.
Avatar universal
Wow thank you so much that really helped me see things from a different perspective
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