I think he won

[aruba259]

Well we have been married for 16 years, have two young children, 10 yr and 1 yr.  My husband is motivated, succesfull and pretty good guy but very selfish.  And that turned me off.  He is not agressive or physical.  He actually is nice when he wants to be it is his selfishnes! He is living his own life; he is into sports as his hobby so he likes to travel, whenever he has a chance.  I am alone at home with kids, doing everything.  He does not help; he says it is my job.  I asked him couple times to take me out so we can be alone, just two of us and get me out of the house and he is not interested.  I have a degree and I had a great vibrant career but I opted to stay at home with our kids which is great but I have noticed that our home is just a hotel for him.  He comes home late, 7pm, 8pm says couple words gets his beer and takes over the couch while I cook, feed and take care of the children and animals. I am exhosted and usually go to bed early, around 9 while he stays behind.  Our sexual life is a circus.  Maybe once a month, maybe!  It is always on his demand simply because I kind of gave up.  I have been rejected by him (due to him being so selfish) so many times that I am not interested in starting first; that and  four years ago I discovered he had an affair (or couple) but somehow the circmustances were extraordinary and I did not leave him as I planned.  So I find myself spending money or just gazing through the emptiness of my life.  I am an import so I do not have anybody here, no family and certanly no friends to trust.  I am a fifgther but I think he won at this point.  I do not see how to continue mu life with him as a part of the furniture.  I am very alone and lonely.  and I am schoked he does not see that.  If anyone has a good thought on my pathetic life please, let me know.

[RockRose]

aruba,  you  have a one year old who really really needs his/her mommy at this point in life.

With a one year old - you can make a LOT of friends and have a very fulfilling life,  doing things with your 10 year old and build a large base of friends who also have babies.    Playgroups are great places to develop very deep,  life-long friendships with other women.

Your husband doesn't seem available as a companion,  but through him you are given the gift of being able to mother your own children.

Look on the bright side of this,  pull yourself up and get out there and enjoy it.  The best times in my life were when I had small children.  

[AnnieBrooke]

It's time to get a job.  You'll find your feet again and remember who you are.  After you do that, you can make decisions about your husband.   Places like the Goddard School take babies, and they have a really good system.  Working women can be happier mommies than stay-at-home moms, and if your vibrant career is revivable, it will renew your hope and optimism.  Good luck!