This situation has all sorts of red flags, but the number one thing to me is that neither of you trust each other. Without trust, there is no relationship.
Other red flags are the abuse and naturally, the way she's handled this whole situation with the guy. (Going behind your back is a HUGE red flag.) I'm sorry but there is no excuse for her actions. The second or so time she blew up at you because of her situation she should have realized how horribly she was treating you and addressed it in therapy and apologized to you and begun working on the behavior. Yelling? Taking things out on? That's not healthy. And if that's her way of dealing with things, just imagine how much worse it can get.
Real communication is shut off when people yell at each other. Frustrations grow and resentment builds.
Honestly, if she's willing to just cut you off like that, lie to you, and tell her parents you are no longer planning to live together and that you are broken up, I'd let it be. As much as it hurts and as much as it *****, I really would let it go.
If you do pursue her, don't let her walk all over you. Address the issues and let her know you won't stand for the emotional/verbal abuse and will not simply sit there and take it. If you can get couples counseling to deal with the trust issues, please do. We teach people how to treat us, and if you simply let this go to make things work, you're teaching her she can do whatever she wants because you're just going to want her around badly enough you'll let it go. You'll also slowly be letting resentment build up. You'll squash this instance down and move on, but a few more times down the road, it'll all come out.
I agree with TQG, this relationship has problems that cannot be handled without honest communication, and as your girl is lying as a way of responding, nothing can go ahead in a good way. Now is not the time to move in with her. It doesn't sound like that's what she wants or she would not have told her parents that you weren't moving in so quickly, and before you and her talked about it and came to that conclusion together. Life does put road blocks in our way, but in a good relationship people will be drawn together to get though them. It sounds like that's what you were trying to do, to be compassionate and understanding. You best effort did not bring her closer to you, instead she strayed further from you. That's not appreciating you. I don't know , maybe it's partly a two way street, You chose to befriend another girl, and her your friend. The thing is that maybe it 's not the right timing for you two. just now. I'm so sorry to hear your pain from what's happening. and i truly hope things get better. Maybe it's time for you both to take a break, and date others. You can always get back together, at a later date. You're young and suppose to be enjoying the company of others. Not being drawn into negative patterns leaned from your family of origin. Best of luck. Keep your head up. Keep Smiling Friend. Let us know how things are going.
There is no relationship here, it's just two people flinging accusations at each other and generally perpetuating drama at every turn. I am having trouble understanding why you're so upset that you won't be living with her anymore because, frankly, after everything that has happened, why would you even want to? She sounds like she is generally not very pleasant to be around and all of this stuff about her trying to mack on your friend on Skype is totally lame. If you were smart, you'd dump her and find someone who isn't so drama ridden. She sounds insufferable and I don't think I'd want to spend two minutes with her, much less move in with her like you seem to still want to do for some odd reason. Other people have dumped their girlfriends for a lot less than this. I think you could learn a thing or two from them.
I agree with the other two ladies. I will also say that your 'new' friendship with a woman is something that I find the timing of a bit suspicious. I know you say you were just 'friends' but it was a vulnerable time in your relationship. Could there have been more there on your part? Was your girlfriend's reaction while over the top something you kind of 'get' as in you didn't tell her right away?
I have no new guy friends that I add or talk to or whatever as I'm a married woman. Guy friends that I have are the males that my husband is friends with or men that are husbands to my girlfriends. And even with that, we'd never go hang out alone together or would I call them to chit chat in the middle of the day or vice versa. At a certain point in a relationship, you are friendly with the opposite sex but true friends? Not sure about that and that you chose this at this difficult time between the two of you is telling to me.
Now, when you discuss how busy she is and with no time for herself--- I do feel badly for her. it takes a great deal of compassion to deal with a dying relative and the caregiving that requires. Most likely this is a temporary situation though as the woman will pass (since you describe her as dying). I know that your description sounded like me when my kids were tiny and I was in the midst of two toddlers. I had really no time for me. That's part of life. We do go through periods in which we have to care for someone and it is a big responsibility. It may make us a little depressed or sad or we may lose ourselves but it is important to have a supportive partner and learn to deal with this. I PROMISE you this won't be the only time in your girlfriends life in which she will be putting others before herself and you need to support her.
I also think it is a bit unfair that you say "come on, you can be honest with me" and then she is and you get mad at her. You were dishonest yourself with that because, no. She couldn't be honest with you. She should not have been talking to the friend if that is the agreement but you tricked her and then got mad at her after making her feel it was okay to be honest.
Now, I think you two are really young and just figuring life out which is normal. Just give yourself time and be forgiving with one another as you work things out. Otherwise, this probably won't last.
Hang in there. You sound sweet and again, like you are learning about life. It takes time and some people never get on a good path. I have hope for you! peace
Hi also, men dont develop female friends when they have a girlfriend. Your girl is a very loving person helping her grandmother through her dying days. It appears that all this drama is too much for you and maybe you should reconsider being involved with her if its affecting your mental state.
Ditto the above. I was going to mention your befriending the girl also. Even IF there was truly nothing but a friendship there, you doing so was extremely heartless, considering what you acknowledge is going on with your GF (her being depressed, feeling insecure). You were dishonest yourself, as you waited a week to tell her, and then things kind of blew up from there.
She's got a LOT on her plate quite frankly, and to be honest, it sounds like you're more concerned about YOU than you are about her. No doubt she sounds like she's been a real challenge at times as well....but I think you definitely shoulder half the blame for the way this relationship has gone.
MY advice would be to severe ties and have both of you move on. Sounds like a drama filled, toxic situation for the both of you.