Im getting frustated.......

[bip]

How can I get my husband stop playing on the computer for so many hours......It's driving me crazy.  He works and comes home and jumps right on it... I wouldn't mind but I have 2 boys and I work @ night.....I tell him to make sure to give the boyz a bath he doen't he makes life harder for me.....I tell him on my days off lets all go do something he says I don't want to.  Ill take my 2 boyz out Ill come back he's on it.  Ill go down stairs start laundry he goes on it.   As soon I disapear for a minute.  I come back he's on it.........Im upset I don't know if Im over reacting  if I didn't have kids it would be one thing.......My younger son tells me Daddy is always on the computer he never does anything with me..  I  Have talks with him he thinks hes not doing nothing wrong.   Its summer take the boyz to the park well Im gone to work......... He always make a excuse.......I know its worst out there but this needs to STOP.... Im at the point Im going to throw him out...... Can someone give me some advise?  Thank you

[las03]

A hammer would be a great idea or even a virus! I liked that response. The only problem is too many kids need the computer as well for school homework. Schools expect most of the homework done with the use of the internet. I thought about giving up our computer at one time, But then theres our daughter and her school work. So, thats a tough one.

[teko]

Ever heard of computer virus? Get one! That way as far as he is concerned it broke and you did not do anything to him..... Hammer is too obvious!

[las03]

My finace too I thought just had a computer addiction of games and different sites. Everytime I would try to glance over he would hide what he was on. He was on the computer every chance he had. Not doing anything wtih our daughter while I was at work. This went on for months, until recently my daughter accidently discovered he was having an affair over the internet. He minimized something he was on so she could look up something for homework and she accidently brought up what he had on and discovered e-mails to another girl. That was a shock to our daughter, and me!!That explained why he was constantly on it all the time. Needless to say this just happened earlier this week, so I am dealing with alot right now. Word of advise, try to make sure you know for sure it is only games as well. I know my daughters husband does have an addiction to computer games plus playstation and thats all he does when he is not working. They have 2 kids and she feels like a single parent. So I can also see your frustration there as well. She too has talked about seperating from her husband for that reason. He has been like that for 2 yrs now.

[gretchen36]

I know exactly how you feel....my husband does the same thing. For hours literally. Then he gets mad if I say something....but it doesn't matter that I'm busting my hump cleaning the house and doing whatever while he sits there. I can't imagine what he can possibly be staring at all that time. Maybe I don't wanna know......he claims it's just Ebay and things like that...but I always find the computer monitor turned away from where I would be entering the room. I asked him why....he claims it's because of the "glare". Then he gets upset thinking I'm accusing him of looking at things he's not supposed to...even though I never mention anything specific. I think maybe he has something to hide....why else would it upset him? Who knows......if there is anything to hide then I guess it will surface sooner or later.

[bip]

Thank you very much for helping me I feel so much better.   I just want a happy marriage and I want him to be a father/husband.    I think   he will not relize he has a good wife and wonderful boyz until he is not here anymore........Im going to put my foot down and tell him straight out Straighten out or move out.......I hope everything is doing well with all of you.........

[Trialanderror]

It is an addiction, the passive-aggressive tuning-out,  and if there are computer games involved, they are addictive. I came across a message board for computer game addicts once and men kept on mentioning they only woke up from the addiction once their family had walked out on them or they lost their jobs. I had exactly your type problem with my ex and only his new wife put her foot down to make him choose between the games and her - and he was actually thankful for this in the long run. But it`s kind of childish if a grown-up has to keep her partner`s addictions in check. You have enough on your hands with your real kids. You are basically alone. I could not bear to have an unapproachable man like this as a role model for my kids. Eventually you may have to make a drastic decision.

[mayflowers]

I don't think you are being selfish.  I think you just a man who will be your husband/partner/good father.  It sounds like he is putting being on the computer over his family.  He's the one being selfish IMO.

[bip]

I do sit down and tell him I had enough with this.... Hes really a nice guy I just can't stand this.  He plays a game on it I don't mind a couple hours a day just all the time......... Do you think Im being selffish?

[peekawho]

A hammer, thrown directly and forcefully at the computer will help.  He will get the point, and you will get  new computer.  Tell him eye to eye that you will do it again unless he keeps his computer time to an agreed upon schedule.

And mean it.

[wunabnorm]

what exactly is he doing on the computer?

[koukla29]

I would sit down with him and tell him you have had enough, Bip.  Tell him he needs to make a decision: either start being more present in your marriage and the lives of his children or leave because you can't keep going on like this.  You are feeling abandoned by him and you can't keep feeling this way.  I think trying to take it away from him will turn into a control issue, but telling him he needs to fix this will make him have to take control of his actions.  Give him a time frame, and in the mean while think of what you will do if he doesn't change.  I've been reading your threads and it sounds to me like all you really want is him to start doing his part and stop being lazy in your relationship and children's life.  He signed on for this and it doesn't mean he can just sit back and you do everything.  He needs to put effort in this, and it has to be his decision to make a change.  best wishes

[jd1419]

Throw out the computer or have someone come over to disable it for  a while.  Try to break him of the habit--or shut off the internet--would this be a possilbilty.  If he will not quit then you will need to take the drastic measure that you are already considering--leaving with the boys.

[bip]

Thanks........I keep saying to myself I want to have a separation for awhile I don't do it.....I keep telling myself this will stop.  It doesn't.  I just want to cry cause I feel like Im by myself.  My 2 boyz see this....THANK YOU SO MUCH..

[mayflowers]

Your husband has an addiction that's as bad as an alcohol or drug addiction.  You can't make a grown man "stop" doing something that he wants to do whether it be drinking/drugs or computer games.  The addict has to want to stop and be willing to get help.  Look for some type of support group for spouses of computer addicts.  If you belong to a church, see if you can schedule a meeting with the priest or pastor for counciling about how to handle this situation.  If you do all you can and he still doesn't get better, then you may need to separate from him.  I don't see that you have much of a husband/father for your children right now.  Divorce might be the only option if he won't seek help.  Sorry to have to tell you that.  Good luck with it all.