In love with my child's father!?!?

Question

I have been friends with my child's father since hs we've gone our separate ways many times but always pick up where we left off he's been my best friend for years well it got romantic a couple years back and I became pregnant I freaked and ran. I met my now husband at 7mon pregnant and kinda rushed into marriage I do love him but he's an alcoholic and won't stop, I can't raise my children around this. When he's not drinking he's a wonderful caring man and would do anything for me and my children, but I despise him because of how he acts when drinking. I ran in to my "baby daddy" lol a couple of months and let him know he has a son and what not. 

    I don't know what to do. I'm scared that bd can't be the man I need him to be but I can't be with my husband anymore. Do I suck it up and stay married? Or do I leave I know it's my decision but I need non judge mental input

specialmom · Answer

Oh, so sorry.  Life with an alcoholic is very difficult and alcoholism is a life long disease for most  Hon, that really is not a place to raise a child.  I agree with you.  It is hard but reality.  That should be a deal breaker.

This does NOT mean you should be with your child's father though.  Is there a reason why being on your own is something you kind of fight against?  Not being with a man should be a viable option because otherwise, we do things like  . .   well, rush into marriage with someone we shouldn't.

I would not go back to the father of your child and I'm not sure why you put a LOL there when you wrote that.  Does he pay child support or have a relationship with his child?  that is important and hopefully the answer is yes to that.  But you should not be with him as a band aid to a disastrous choice you made in marrying an alcoholic.  

Consider al anon and taking your life back.  Create a happy, safe home for your child.  good luck

Londres70 · Answer

"When he's not drinking he's a wonderful caring man and would do anything for me and my children, but I despise him because of how he acts when drinking"...........I have heard this over and over again in my life from female friends and female family members who struggle living with an alcoholic and then I ask them "How often is he COMPLETELY sober?" Usually the answer is less than 50% of the time. I then ask "Aren't you worthy enough to have a man who is 100% sober at all times?

BluCrystal · Answer

If this were me, I would go ahead and get a lawyer and begin the divorce process.  I would not 'see' anyone else during this - it's 'bad for business'.  Once you are legally divorced, you can see what happens with your baby's daddy - but GO SLOW.  Don't jump in with two feet and think it will all be sunshine and flowers.  It might NOT work out.  But you WILL be away from the alcoholic who is bound to wreck your life.

Londres70 · Answer

Well, inputs here are based on what information you have provided and they aren't meant to be judgemental at all.  You may or may not agree with the opinions.

Would your husband be willing to seek counseling for his drinking?  If not, you should reevaluate this marriage.

As for the ex, hon you need to take a break from guys and focus on you and your child for a while if you decide to leave this husband.  You basically jumped from the ex to this husband.  Considering your history of going back and forth to this ex I doubt it will ever work out between you two in the long term, however, you definitely should let him know he is a father and allow him to be in the child's life but I don't think you should expect anything more than that.