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228936 tn?1249094248

Internet dating?

I'm not sure if this is the right posting place but it seems to be about the closest to what I had in mind. I know that the internet is not the ideal place to find love but for many middle aged folks like me, we just don't meet around town like we did in the 70's or 80's. The thing I've noticed lately is that women don't respond much to dating site mail and interest from guys as they did 5 years ago. Maybe they had had some bad experiences with married men or something else unpleasant. At any rate I would prefer to meet women in person around town like the old days but it doesn't seem to be happening as much. Maybe we have gotten too  habituated to the computer. What do you think?
19 Responses
Avatar universal
ya know i did the same. the internet was a major disapointment and backfired as he found someone else online and left me for her. and i always said i wanted to meet somebody around town. and just when i gave up and wasn't looking i found my love in my friend's backyard. Crazy Huh?? i know we were meant to be that's just too off the wall. lol
143123 tn?1274300825
Well, 7 years ago my friends signed me up on an online dating site and I got a hit from this guy.  Found out we lived very close to each other all of those years, went to the same school (at different times because he's 4 years older than me) and actually had some of the same friends.  Well, things continued to go well with us and I'm happy to say we are working on our 5 year Wedding Anniversary.  But, that was 7 years ago and things may have changed since then...
Avatar universal
I think you have to take internet dating with a grain of salt.  I did it for a while and met some nice people as well as some weirds and married people.  (Found out they were married after the fact).  A lot of players on there too - both men and women.  What struck me was the number of young men who wanted to date me.  They must have thought I would teach them a few tricks.   I slept with one young guy who had a great body and was good in bed but he had no personality.  At least not one that matched mine.  Then he would call me for booty calls but I got tired of those.   It fizzled pretty quick.  

Look at it as you're having fun meeting people but don't get too close until they prove themselves that they are worthy of your time.  

If something happens between me and my man, I would go back on Match or something.  I'm older and wiser now so would be more careful.  Just meet people for coffee first and then talk a lot.  After a few weeks, maybe dinner a few times, still letting him prove himself.  

Remember, STD's are on the rise and lots of people on those site have one.  My friend has herpes and would sleep with lots of guys but not tell them.  She didn't use condoms either.    Be wary of women who will sleep with you right away.

Most of all, have fun.  Your Mrs. Right could be on Match and you would never know unless you tried.  

Avatar universal
i cannot imagine feeling a connection to someone through the computer or by a questionaire that says we would be good in a relationship...i am not middle aged and i am in a relationship but i feel like it is becoming more difficult to meet people in person i know if someone came up to me in public i would prob turn down the advance and i always feel like i shouldnt really trust any sort of judgement call i made out at a bar but i know i sure as hell would rather have a first encounter face to face.
519661 tn?1264516208
well i have done both....internet dating AND met people around town, etc.  you are so right that it just isn't that easy meeting someone like it used to be!!  i think the internet thing fizzled a bit due to the fact of so many of the stories of broken marriages because someone met someone else online, the person they met turned out to be married or made a complete fabrication of who they were, what they were about, etc.  i do have to say that my fiance and i met online 2 yrs. ago....not on purpose, on a bored night in a chat room where neither of us had anything better to do and couldn't sleep.  i truly found the love of my life that night, although we were both cautious because it WAS the net.  we will be getting married this next summer and things couldn't be better, but i really believe that we were some of the lucky ones!!  i haven't heard of many other internet relationships that have worked, but i do know a few that turned out to be amazing!!  i guess it just depends on if you are "real" with each other and get to really know each other in person and not just on the computer.  
228936 tn?1249094248
It seems like it a mixed opinion half or more said they wouldn't want to meet someone from online or met the wrong kind and a few said you met your other half online.  I agree with the poster that said it has kind of fizzled and women are hesitant because of bad experiences and lairs. Any profile you submit isn't really the same as the real you in person even if it's true. I still trying to meet a woman online because I had a few good experiences but am really getting disgusted with it and wish I could meet people in person as easily as before, in the 70's and 80's
519661 tn?1264516208
i wish you the best of luck, mr. lucky!!  :)  when it's right, it's right, no matter if you meet online or on the street somewhere!!  best wishes!!  :)  xxxxxxx
Avatar universal
Well, i think internet dating and dating someone in your home town is what you make it. I cant see how someone could date someone on the internet and never meet in person. I met DF on a chat site, we chated for mayb 1 1/2, then realized we had things in common and was attracted to one anothers web cam, so we decided to meet. After the first visit it became a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years. We saw each other every month, during his school breaks he would visit 2-3 weeks. And i would stay in his home town(georgia) anywhere from 2 weeks to two months(bcuz of the job i had) I finished school in may and he jus finished the end of october and moved here to wisconsin with me and my son. We are engaged and currently ttc, im 32 and he is 30.  I could not imagine tryn to be serious with him and never go visit him, you have to put time in just as you do if you met someone in your home town, oh dont get me wrong, we both have frequent flyer miles up the wazooo from air tran and midwest, and im glad all the traveling is over and done with, sorta hard trying to live in two states.

But internet dating is very common in this erra now, its not like, as most people would say "The Good Ole Days"
640829 tn?1230996060
Nothing wrong with internet dating. I think you can find love anywhere if you are open to it and willing to share your life with another. It would be better if you found someone close enough to you that you can actually meet, and not someone overseas...Because the expense of traveling will hamper the relationship in time, I think.
228936 tn?1249094248
I think that about half of single Americans use the internet to date and I believe it's a viable option when used carefully and honestly. I just lament for the old days when it was so much easier. Of course I was young and looked much better then but the fact remains, I think. Since so many people have gotten used to meeting by way of the net, it's harder to meet  someone in everyday life.
Avatar universal
I would stay away from internet dating.  Personal opinion and bad experiences.  Instead get more involved with life and your community and it will eventually just happen.
468452 tn?1225964888
I've never done the internet dating thing but a friend of mine has and she had a good 3 year relationship out of it. And her friend actually ended up marrying the guy she met online, I think that it is the luck of the draw and you just have to be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs first.

I personally think that it is harder to meet people in a natural environment nowadays as people are so guarded and we have been trained not to speak to people and always be wary of others that we don;t know. Its not just dating it is neighbours too, I have lived in this house for three years and only know one household by name. Years ago everybody used to know everybody. Now life is too fast and nobody trusts anyone.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do you will find someone and it'll probably be when you least expect it.
228936 tn?1249094248
Good observations above. I get few responses from the internet as compared to 5 years ago when I got a lot more. One local woman wrote me back this week several paragraphs about herself etc a few times now nothing. It's so strange. I would like the chance to meet more women in person as opposed to these profiles that aren't really who I am just a vauge idea. I make better impressions in person and look better than the pix.
519661 tn?1264516208
i was just checking in to see what the new responses, were, etc.  you are so right, goodeys...it is sad how much society has changed, a needed change, but a sad one.  i hated living in the city....everyone was so cold and guarded.  it wasn't like growing up in my hometown, where you knew everyone and vice versa.  i remember my step-mom coming to see us when i was pregnant with my son.  we went to the grocery store and she was practically knocked over by another lady and her grocery cart.  my step-mom was outraged and couldn't believe that the woman had barely acknowledged her rudeness....i was so used to it at that point that it had become normal to me.  i moved back home 4 yrs. ago....i had had enough of the city when i drove by a gas station not far away from our home and saw the police putting a man in a body bag from a drive by shooting.  and even moving back home to our small tight knit community, you still have to be so careful.  this past summer one of our little neighbor girls who was playing outside was almost kidnapped!!  a mentally ill man had tried to grab her and lift her over her fence.  her father came out in time and scared the stranger off.  they found this man a month later in wyoming, having committed suicide in his vehicle.  upon further investigation they found out he had been turned in to the police by concerned citizens who had seen him lurking around schools and parks.  i just find it so sad that there are really no more "safe" places left.  sorry for my rambling....lol  it's just terrible the security that our society no longer has!!  
669230 tn?1252149194
I met my husband on line by chance 10 years ago and we had to work out a long distance relationship, but we've been married 7 1/2 yrs now.

I'm kinda surprised nobody's mentioned speed dating. I've never tried it, but if I was single I always thought it might be fun to try at least once. And it would be local. Just a thought.
228936 tn?1249094248
10 years ago you met online? I  think it was kind of new or not as much done back then. I'm glad it has worked out. I think people were friendlier online then and responded more.
669230 tn?1252149194
   The internet was new then and we met in a chat room. I tried to chat a couple years ago just for fun, and it was a scary place. I don't know how I would aproach dating again if I lost my husband. It just doesn't seem like there would be the same opportunities as when I was younger and I'm not even very old.
228936 tn?1249094248
Thanks for that jen. What's happening now is that sometimes I'll get a flurry of reponses that quicjly fizzle out when we talk about meeting. Or else I get some crazy hispanic women who wants to get married and know how much money I make. I'm still hoping to meet someone in person  the old way, if possible.
228936 tn?1249094248
up date. I recently had about 4 women who wanted to meet from the net. I met one and there was no attraction and the other 3 cancelled, 2 at the last moment. This is disapointing and I think I want to stop going online to meet women and just see what happens.
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