Aa
Is a "Full" Massage cheating
My husband's co-workers were teasing him about not going for massages with them. He works in a Wall Street firm and needless to say the tension is crazy. Apparently these guys go for massages and the girls massage everything causing the men to ejaculate. My husband and I think this is wrong if you are married. Well you can not believe the debate this caused. Inno way are we bashing massages. I too go for them - but there is a line and we think that kind of massage is cheating. What do you men and woman think - are we prudes???
Give me a break, giving a full body massage is definitely not cheating. Cheating to who? The masseur, the therapist, the one on the table or one at home who doesn't know their husband or wife is on my table getting a full body massage? A full body massages is considered therapeutic in many countries and cultures. A woman can't make a man ejaculate, a man ejaculates on his own free will because he does not know how to hold it. As an American culture we need to learn how to touch our partners more often. I hear men and women telling me their partner hasn't touched them in weeks, sometimes even months. I have men and women who breakdown in tears because its been so long since they've been touched by a partner. How sad and then you find posts like these bashing massages. No you are not a prude if you don't want a non partner touching certain parts of your body, its just your preference and prerogative but thats not cheating.
Does she have any idea that you have bisexual tendencies?
You should probably start your own post and then you can get more opinions.
If you think this "MMM" group isn't about any release then you are very naive. What guy who gets his private parts massaged isn't going to have a "release?"
If you have to lie about where you are going and what you are going to be doing to your wife then you should already have the answer to your the question you are asking.
You should probably start your own post and then you can get more opinions.
If you think this "MMM" group isn't about any release then you are very naive. What guy who gets his private parts massaged isn't going to have a "release?"
If you have to lie about where you are going and what you are going to be doing to your wife then you should already have the answer to your the question you are asking.
I have a wife that has lost interest in sex. I'm still attracted to her, but she continually shuts me down. We average brief sex (maybe a few minutes) about once a month. This has been for about 6 years except for brief periods of trying to get pregnant. Often it's months in between. She has no desire to satisfy me or meet my needs. I have asked repeatedly and told her my concerns. I'm a good looking, fit guy that tries to giver her everything. She's a stay at home mom. Is a occasional run-and-tug that bad a thing or do most of the women out there think I should just accept a mostly celibate life? I have kids and want the marriage to work. Perhaps many of the women out there think a divorce is a better option. I haven't been to one of those places in years, but I can see it as an option to have some needs met that a spouse is not willing to meet. Unfortunately, many American, "Christian" women have lost sight of what it means to be a wife. Had they not, many of these massage parlors would not be in business.
if you are married then this is cheating
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. This is a very old post. Thanks
It's not about what you think it's about how the person doing it feels.
What is the big deal to go to a massage parlor - and a happy ending.
Could be what the doctor order to keep a marriage going. If you think people 50 years ago did not do anything like this you are mistaken. It wasn't out in the open but it was happening then as it is now.
What is the big deal to go to a massage parlor - and a happy ending.
Could be what the doctor order to keep a marriage going. If you think people 50 years ago did not do anything like this you are mistaken. It wasn't out in the open but it was happening then as it is now.
Bcoz of womens, men do wat u r calling cheating y dont u start think like a man and the word cheating will be disappeared.
to your the question you are asking=to the question you are asking.
COMMUNITY LEADER
No, I wouldn't go. Because what you are 'really' thinking about is the release. Nothing you can't do at home by yourself. Stay true to your vows and stay home. good luck
I have a specific question, that is similar, but not the same as the initial posed question. So I live in an area where a yoga studio offers a 2 times a month workshop called "men massaging men" or "MMM". I've been getting the emails since I was single and never actually went and then the other day (now married) I opened an old email address I used to have and saw that I was still being invited. Here are the specifics.
*The premise is that the massage is sensual and therapeutic and is not supposed to surround release, but I imagine there is some testicular massage and penis massage.
*You trade 3 times with other men who have paid for the event ($30) and a lot of them are trained CMT, as am I.
*I have bisexual tendencies, but am not truly looking at this as a means to satisfy my sexual thirst, but I will enjoy the touching and massage.
*My wife and I had a kid and now she's in a funk about her body, my body, working a new job with salary hours and overall stress. I try and surprise her with concerts and I even have a night of pottery planned, with dinner and tonight I asked her about doing a couples massage seminar and she had no interest. We haven't had sex in a while, which I leave up to her, because I do not believe in "demanding" or guilting my way into sex. I do not want to *** at the workshop and will maybe even ask my partners to avoid lingam massage, but at what point would this be cheating, if I chose to go to these and not tell her? What if I tell her I am going to the group massage, because she knows I am a trained CMT and I do not say that the massage practice is led in a sensual, but not necessarily sexual way? In the invite, it states that "Though we do not encourage release, it sometimes happens. We clean up and we move on". With all that you know so far, is there any way for me to attend this and not be cheating, because secondarily, I am afraid she will begin to think I am outright gay, which I am not and believe me, I have tried to see if maybe I was, but I know, after years of experimenting on different levels, that I am simply bisexual, because I am not afraid of male-to-male contact, but I do not look at men sexually most often. She has an underlying fear of dating a secretly gay man as it is, because of the TV she watches and the shows that have had a similar scenario. Please help and please do not use this as an opportunity to judge a stranger online. I can handle a truth I may not like very much.
*The premise is that the massage is sensual and therapeutic and is not supposed to surround release, but I imagine there is some testicular massage and penis massage.
*You trade 3 times with other men who have paid for the event ($30) and a lot of them are trained CMT, as am I.
*I have bisexual tendencies, but am not truly looking at this as a means to satisfy my sexual thirst, but I will enjoy the touching and massage.
*My wife and I had a kid and now she's in a funk about her body, my body, working a new job with salary hours and overall stress. I try and surprise her with concerts and I even have a night of pottery planned, with dinner and tonight I asked her about doing a couples massage seminar and she had no interest. We haven't had sex in a while, which I leave up to her, because I do not believe in "demanding" or guilting my way into sex. I do not want to *** at the workshop and will maybe even ask my partners to avoid lingam massage, but at what point would this be cheating, if I chose to go to these and not tell her? What if I tell her I am going to the group massage, because she knows I am a trained CMT and I do not say that the massage practice is led in a sensual, but not necessarily sexual way? In the invite, it states that "Though we do not encourage release, it sometimes happens. We clean up and we move on". With all that you know so far, is there any way for me to attend this and not be cheating, because secondarily, I am afraid she will begin to think I am outright gay, which I am not and believe me, I have tried to see if maybe I was, but I know, after years of experimenting on different levels, that I am simply bisexual, because I am not afraid of male-to-male contact, but I do not look at men sexually most often. She has an underlying fear of dating a secretly gay man as it is, because of the TV she watches and the shows that have had a similar scenario. Please help and please do not use this as an opportunity to judge a stranger online. I can handle a truth I may not like very much.
I totally agree with SpecialMom.
I'll add, if this is 'simply' a physical release (no emotion involved for "another woman") then, why not go 'solo' ??
and Your good friend who hasn't had "oral" sex in 4 years? OMGolly, what kind of sacrifice is that!!?? I truely fail to see that as a 'sacrifice' a loving Man makes for a Woman who isn't interested in going there - whatever Her feeling is about that, it's valid to Her and should be respected.
My other thought is any thing You have to sneak and hide, lie and cheat, withold from Your Wife is cheating. You would expect the same respect from Her.
You are trying to find a way to justify cheating and You can't do that. You can dress up and put a hat on a dog but it's still a dog.
I'll add, if this is 'simply' a physical release (no emotion involved for "another woman") then, why not go 'solo' ??
and Your good friend who hasn't had "oral" sex in 4 years? OMGolly, what kind of sacrifice is that!!?? I truely fail to see that as a 'sacrifice' a loving Man makes for a Woman who isn't interested in going there - whatever Her feeling is about that, it's valid to Her and should be respected.
My other thought is any thing You have to sneak and hide, lie and cheat, withold from Your Wife is cheating. You would expect the same respect from Her.
You are trying to find a way to justify cheating and You can't do that. You can dress up and put a hat on a dog but it's still a dog.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'll be honest. No. I don't believe you've been forthright with your wife on this subject and if you were, she'd be cool with it. I don't believe she thinks you are having a paid prostitute (which that is all that is) get you off. Not much different than cruising the alley and picking up someone to do it in your car for 20 bucks.
I think couples should work on intimacy issues to save the marriage or yes, they should break up rather than one of the pair being sexually active with sex workers.
It certainly is your option to minimize what you do away from your wife and to justify it as you see fit. But I would say that most women would not be comfortable with this and I'd bet your wife is included in that. You basically say so even though you then backtrack.
good luck but I do recommend some therapy for you two to work on why you can't have a fulfilling sex life within your marriage.
I think couples should work on intimacy issues to save the marriage or yes, they should break up rather than one of the pair being sexually active with sex workers.
It certainly is your option to minimize what you do away from your wife and to justify it as you see fit. But I would say that most women would not be comfortable with this and I'd bet your wife is included in that. You basically say so even though you then backtrack.
good luck but I do recommend some therapy for you two to work on why you can't have a fulfilling sex life within your marriage.
Vance, I'm aware of the human rights concerns related to sex workers and agree this problem exists. I also am quite certain that this does not represent the entire population of these professionals. It is further clear that, while the governing bodies overseeing massage therapists try very hard to eliminate happy endings, many certified massage therapists readily offer the service and view it as beneficial to the process. It is quite common in many other cultures. There are extended debates about of these matters on topix.com (and elsewhere) but they delve well beyond the scope of this discussion.
Special Mom, your last response is basically "I don't believe you." That it certainly your option, but it doesn't change reality. Even if the story weren't true (but it is), there seems to be no better solution at this time. Unfortunately mine is not uncommon and there are many more like me. A good friend of mine hasn't received oral sex in four years. He and his wife (and family) are otherwise happy. Should he just accept it, walk away and certainly destroy his family, or indulge in a rare, minor transgression that utlimately has no consequence?
Special Mom, your last response is basically "I don't believe you." That it certainly your option, but it doesn't change reality. Even if the story weren't true (but it is), there seems to be no better solution at this time. Unfortunately mine is not uncommon and there are many more like me. A good friend of mine hasn't received oral sex in four years. He and his wife (and family) are otherwise happy. Should he just accept it, walk away and certainly destroy his family, or indulge in a rare, minor transgression that utlimately has no consequence?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh, that is so not sexy Vance. Not sure how someone could be into that.
Happy endings is never part of a legitimate massage. You do not pay for a real massage, you pay for the extra benefit. This is cheating with a prostitute.
Most women who do this work in the US are doing it because they are forced to. By no means do they want to.
Most women who do this work in the US are doing it because they are forced to. By no means do they want to.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Have her write to us and tell us she thinks a happy ending is part of a massage. Then I'll buy it.
It sounds like your marriage is in trouble overall. I do wish you luck resolving that.
It sounds like your marriage is in trouble overall. I do wish you luck resolving that.
I know what she would say. She doesn't approve but also believes a happy ending is a part of male massage and does encourage me to go without discussing the details. This still does not resolve whether it is cheating.
If a spouse has exclusive privilges but he or she refuses an activity for many years, I propose the spouse looses that exclusivity. I'm not talking about engaging in activity that crosses normal boundaries. These are activities theat were commonplace before marriage then subsided and now don't occur.
Every relationship has troubles and requires hard work to make it last. We are generally quite happy together and have little strife beyond normal conflict. On this issue, however, there is no compromise. She won't do it. I've tried many approaches and "you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours" agreements. All fail. I could try negative compromise and play ***-for-tat - if you don't do this than I won't do that, but this is an unhealthy stance. This all boils down to either accepting this void for the next several decades or finding it on the outside.
Understand that I'm not thrilled with this situation. Compromise won't happen. Counseling won't happen since she disagrees there is cause for concern. She also would never agree to have frank conversations about sex with a 3rd party.
Life isn't perfect and it isn't black and white. This is by no means a textbook aspect of marriage, but it seems to work and keeps this issue at bay. In the end, it seems less like cheating and more like an imperfect solution to an otherwise unresolvable issue.
If a spouse has exclusive privilges but he or she refuses an activity for many years, I propose the spouse looses that exclusivity. I'm not talking about engaging in activity that crosses normal boundaries. These are activities theat were commonplace before marriage then subsided and now don't occur.
Every relationship has troubles and requires hard work to make it last. We are generally quite happy together and have little strife beyond normal conflict. On this issue, however, there is no compromise. She won't do it. I've tried many approaches and "you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours" agreements. All fail. I could try negative compromise and play ***-for-tat - if you don't do this than I won't do that, but this is an unhealthy stance. This all boils down to either accepting this void for the next several decades or finding it on the outside.
Understand that I'm not thrilled with this situation. Compromise won't happen. Counseling won't happen since she disagrees there is cause for concern. She also would never agree to have frank conversations about sex with a 3rd party.
Life isn't perfect and it isn't black and white. This is by no means a textbook aspect of marriage, but it seems to work and keeps this issue at bay. In the end, it seems less like cheating and more like an imperfect solution to an otherwise unresolvable issue.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Also wanted to comment that if there is dissatisfaction between partners, that is a relationship issue. The pair needs to compromise. Counseling may help you move past that issue as well as address whatever other issues are going on in the relationship. good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think that if it weren't cheating, you'd feel fine telling your wife frustrated husband. Since you don't . . . yep. It's cheating. Plenty of harm is done when you have sexual contact with someone and have to hide it from your wife.
so my suggestion is to ask her tonight over dinner if she minds you going to multiple places and letting multiple women get you off. Let us know what she says.
so my suggestion is to ask her tonight over dinner if she minds you going to multiple places and letting multiple women get you off. Let us know what she says.
I can't decide if a happy ending is cheating. My wife would certainly not approve, but she is also convinced they are included as part of my non-sexual massages. I've concluded this is a "don't ask, don't tell" situation and have, on occassion, enjoyed the extra service (from alternate massage providers).
I love my wife and would never want to hurt her. I also committed to a manogamous relationship when we got married (actually a number of years prior). I did not, however, commit to a life of celebacy. She simply doesn't want sex. On the rare occassion she agrees, it is obvious she doesn't really want to be there. I believe she loves me, she just doesn't enjoy the activity. Certainly oral and manual stimuation are off the menu. Missionary or nothing is her motto.
I wish side service was not necessary - being with my wife is better. I also don't like witholding information and sneaking. Unfortunately, this seems to be my only option. Does it step outside of my commitment to her? I'm not sure. If she refuses my requests, should I simply never enjoy such experiences for the rest of my life? I'm not talking about a few days, weeks, or even months. Sex occurs a couple times a year and side-activities don't. I've communicated this dissatisfaction many times over, but if her desire is not there, agreeing to go along isn't fulfilling. I'm not sharing my heart and emotions with others. The idea of another/different woman is of no interest to me. I'm simply finding attention for otherwise neglected needs.
Many posters here have commented that masturbation should be an acceptable substitute. Yes, this is good when an imbalance in drive exists, but it is not a good long-term solution. Hundreds of self-pleasuring experiences with no variety between is insufficient.
Many posters have mentioned respecting a wife's feelings and if she is tired or not in the mood to get over it. Again, this is fine for a while, but not a good long-term mindset. My experience has been one of growing frustration and resentment. After days/weeks/months of everything else being more important, I find it hard to put priority to her desires. I find myself too tired for the long list of chores she'd like completed and disinterested in spending $150 for dinner out and a babysitter. It seems all of her desires take a front seat, and my single, ongoing request doesn't even have a place in the trunk.
For those who say we may not be compatible and shouldn't be together, this seems like a horrible solution. I committed to a life with her and would not want to change it. A lack of sex is certainly no reason to turn my back on her and destroy the good home enjoyed by our children. Doing so would seem selfish and immature. I also believe this is not what she wants.
In the end, it seems the black/white interpretation enjoyed by many is that I should be celebate or leave my family in the name of sexual gratification. These are very poor options. As a result, I maintain a loving relationship and good home for our family and once in a while have a stranger rub my penis for a few minutes. No harm done.
I love my wife and would never want to hurt her. I also committed to a manogamous relationship when we got married (actually a number of years prior). I did not, however, commit to a life of celebacy. She simply doesn't want sex. On the rare occassion she agrees, it is obvious she doesn't really want to be there. I believe she loves me, she just doesn't enjoy the activity. Certainly oral and manual stimuation are off the menu. Missionary or nothing is her motto.
I wish side service was not necessary - being with my wife is better. I also don't like witholding information and sneaking. Unfortunately, this seems to be my only option. Does it step outside of my commitment to her? I'm not sure. If she refuses my requests, should I simply never enjoy such experiences for the rest of my life? I'm not talking about a few days, weeks, or even months. Sex occurs a couple times a year and side-activities don't. I've communicated this dissatisfaction many times over, but if her desire is not there, agreeing to go along isn't fulfilling. I'm not sharing my heart and emotions with others. The idea of another/different woman is of no interest to me. I'm simply finding attention for otherwise neglected needs.
Many posters here have commented that masturbation should be an acceptable substitute. Yes, this is good when an imbalance in drive exists, but it is not a good long-term solution. Hundreds of self-pleasuring experiences with no variety between is insufficient.
Many posters have mentioned respecting a wife's feelings and if she is tired or not in the mood to get over it. Again, this is fine for a while, but not a good long-term mindset. My experience has been one of growing frustration and resentment. After days/weeks/months of everything else being more important, I find it hard to put priority to her desires. I find myself too tired for the long list of chores she'd like completed and disinterested in spending $150 for dinner out and a babysitter. It seems all of her desires take a front seat, and my single, ongoing request doesn't even have a place in the trunk.
For those who say we may not be compatible and shouldn't be together, this seems like a horrible solution. I committed to a life with her and would not want to change it. A lack of sex is certainly no reason to turn my back on her and destroy the good home enjoyed by our children. Doing so would seem selfish and immature. I also believe this is not what she wants.
In the end, it seems the black/white interpretation enjoyed by many is that I should be celebate or leave my family in the name of sexual gratification. These are very poor options. As a result, I maintain a loving relationship and good home for our family and once in a while have a stranger rub my penis for a few minutes. No harm done.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I've gotten many a massage and no, never had an orgasm. Not part of what I paid for. In your fatasies, perhaps that is how you see massage but in reality, I'm just trying to relax and work the kinks out of my shoulders.
Only some massages end in a happy ending--- and when they do, it's cheating in my opinion.
Only some massages end in a happy ending--- and when they do, it's cheating in my opinion.
No one apparently thinks that women get O's from a massage....pathetic. So essentially getting a massage in general is cheating right? Men also can ejaculate without being physically touched in the nether regions. Are they then also cheating?
So, then would imagining a hot male/female while masterbating also be cheating?
Then I would have to say we are all guilty of cheating....
No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
So, then would imagining a hot male/female while masterbating also be cheating?
Then I would have to say we are all guilty of cheating....
No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
What a bunch of crap! There is NO justification for any man to allow another woman to perform any sexual act on him when he is married. Plain and simply it is cheating. It is adultery. It is breaking trust with his wife. It is hurting the one person in the world he shouldn't be hurting. More than that it is a blatant lack of respect for his wife.
I just found out my husband not only was going to massage parlors for a "happy ending" these past 5 years but he is also continuously watching porn on TV, his home computer and his work computer (he is in a private office so no one sees it).At first he wouldn't admit it.He said he never did anything wrong. But after showing him the proof of his infidelity (yes, that's exactly what it is) he had no choice but to come clean. I told him that I don't know if I will ever be able to place my trust in him again and that is the absolute truth. Yes, I still love him but that doesn't alter the fact that I will always be suspicious and extremely vigilant if I decide to stay in my marriage. Since it only happened 2 weeks ago,I am still in a state of disbelief since I trusted him these past 35 years and can't believe that all the times he was in bed with me he might have been with someone else earlier that day. He keeps saying he doesn't know why he did it and will never do it again but I can't seem to believe him. He can't even stop smoking cold turkey so I doubt he'll stop this cold turkey. But one thing is for sure. If I find out there is any more that he didn't come clean about, our marriage will definitely be over. No ifs, ands, or buts.
I just found out my husband not only was going to massage parlors for a "happy ending" these past 5 years but he is also continuously watching porn on TV, his home computer and his work computer (he is in a private office so no one sees it).At first he wouldn't admit it.He said he never did anything wrong. But after showing him the proof of his infidelity (yes, that's exactly what it is) he had no choice but to come clean. I told him that I don't know if I will ever be able to place my trust in him again and that is the absolute truth. Yes, I still love him but that doesn't alter the fact that I will always be suspicious and extremely vigilant if I decide to stay in my marriage. Since it only happened 2 weeks ago,I am still in a state of disbelief since I trusted him these past 35 years and can't believe that all the times he was in bed with me he might have been with someone else earlier that day. He keeps saying he doesn't know why he did it and will never do it again but I can't seem to believe him. He can't even stop smoking cold turkey so I doubt he'll stop this cold turkey. But one thing is for sure. If I find out there is any more that he didn't come clean about, our marriage will definitely be over. No ifs, ands, or buts.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Sorry I missed your post as you tagged it onto a very old thread. I would not continue a dating relationship with someone who did this and minimized it. Dating is for sorting out who you want a long term commitment with and who you don't. He's shown you that he will cross a boundary you are not comfortable with and think nothing of it or own it as a problem to the relationship. If you allow it to be 'no big deal'---- you will be condoning it and then will have to live with a man that allows another woman to release him sexually.
i'd not consider a long term relationship with someone under those circumstances. I do hold my partner/husband to high standards and haven't been disappointed yet. So, please know that it is okay to say something is not alright by you. It would be a deal breaker for me. good luck
i'd not consider a long term relationship with someone under those circumstances. I do hold my partner/husband to high standards and haven't been disappointed yet. So, please know that it is okay to say something is not alright by you. It would be a deal breaker for me. good luck
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please
contact us.
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
