Is a "Full" Massage cheating

[td0213]

My husband's co-workers were teasing him about not going for massages with them. He works in a Wall Street firm and needless to say the tension is crazy. Apparently these guys go for massages and the girls massage everything causing the men to ejaculate. My husband and I think this is wrong if you are married. Well you can not believe the debate this caused. Inno way are we bashing massages. I too go for them - but there is a line and we think that kind of massage is cheating. What do you men and woman think - are we prudes???

[minzoni]

Bcoz of womens, men do wat u r calling cheating y dont u start think like a man and the word cheating will be disappeared.

[Londres70]

to your the question you are asking=to the question you are asking.

[specialmom]

No, I wouldn't go.  Because what you are 'really' thinking about is the release.  Nothing you can't do at home by yourself.  Stay true to your vows and stay home.  good luck

[GregPatts]

I have a specific question, that is similar, but not the same as the initial posed question.  So I live in an area where a yoga studio offers a 2 times a month workshop called "men massaging men" or "MMM".  I've been getting the emails since I was single and never actually went and then the other day (now married) I opened an old email address I used to have and saw that I was still being invited.  Here are the specifics.  
*The premise is that the massage is sensual and therapeutic and is not supposed to surround release, but I imagine there is some testicular massage and penis massage.  
*You trade 3 times with other men who have paid for the event ($30) and a lot of them are trained CMT, as am I.  
*I have bisexual tendencies, but am not truly looking at this as a means to satisfy my sexual thirst, but I will enjoy the touching and massage.
*My wife and I had a kid and now she's in a funk about her body, my body, working a new job with salary hours and overall stress. I try and surprise her with concerts and I even have a night of pottery planned, with dinner and tonight I asked her about doing a couples massage seminar and she had no interest.  We haven't had sex in a while, which I leave up to her, because I do not believe in "demanding" or guilting my way into sex.  I do not want to *** at the workshop and will maybe even ask my partners to avoid lingam massage, but at what point would this be cheating, if I chose to go to these and not tell her? What if I tell her I am going to the group massage, because she knows I am a trained CMT and I do not say that the massage practice is led in a sensual, but not necessarily sexual way?  In the invite, it states that "Though we do not encourage release, it sometimes happens. We clean up and we move on".  With all that you know so far, is there any way for me to attend this and not be cheating, because secondarily, I am afraid she will begin to think I am outright gay, which I am not and believe me, I have tried to see if maybe I was, but I know, after years of experimenting on different levels, that I am simply bisexual, because I am not afraid of male-to-male contact, but I do not look at men sexually most often.  She has an underlying fear of dating a secretly gay man as it is, because of the TV she watches and the shows that have had a similar scenario.  Please help and please do not use this as an opportunity to judge a stranger online.  I can handle a truth I may not like very much.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I totally agree with SpecialMom.

I'll add, if this is 'simply' a physical release (no emotion involved for "another woman") then, why not go 'solo' ??

and Your good friend who hasn't had "oral" sex in 4 years?  OMGolly, what kind of sacrifice is that!!??   I truely fail to see that as a 'sacrifice' a loving Man makes for a Woman who isn't interested in going there - whatever Her feeling is about that, it's valid to Her and should be respected.


My other thought is any thing You have to sneak and hide, lie and cheat, withold from Your Wife is cheating.  You would expect the same respect from Her.

You are trying to find a way to justify cheating and You can't do that.  You can dress up and put a hat on a dog but it's still a dog.

[specialmom]

I'll be honest.  No.  I don't believe you've been forthright with your wife on this subject and if you were, she'd be cool with it.  I don't believe she thinks you are having a paid prostitute (which that is all that is) get you off.  Not much different than cruising the alley and picking up someone to do it in your car for 20 bucks.  

I think couples should work on intimacy issues to save the marriage or yes, they should break up rather than one of the pair being sexually active with sex workers.  

It certainly is your option to minimize what you do away from your wife and to justify it as you see fit.  But I would say that most women would not be comfortable with this and I'd bet your wife is included in that.  You basically say so even though you then backtrack.  

good luck but I do recommend some therapy for you two to work on why you can't have a fulfilling sex life within your marriage.