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Is a "Full" Massage cheating
My husband's co-workers were teasing him about not going for massages with them. He works in a Wall Street firm and needless to say the tension is crazy. Apparently these guys go for massages and the girls massage everything causing the men to ejaculate. My husband and I think this is wrong if you are married. Well you can not believe the debate this caused. Inno way are we bashing massages. I too go for them - but there is a line and we think that kind of massage is cheating. What do you men and woman think - are we prudes???
Vance, I'm aware of the human rights concerns related to sex workers and agree this problem exists. I also am quite certain that this does not represent the entire population of these professionals. It is further clear that, while the governing bodies overseeing massage therapists try very hard to eliminate happy endings, many certified massage therapists readily offer the service and view it as beneficial to the process. It is quite common in many other cultures. There are extended debates about of these matters on topix.com (and elsewhere) but they delve well beyond the scope of this discussion.
Special Mom, your last response is basically "I don't believe you." That it certainly your option, but it doesn't change reality. Even if the story weren't true (but it is), there seems to be no better solution at this time. Unfortunately mine is not uncommon and there are many more like me. A good friend of mine hasn't received oral sex in four years. He and his wife (and family) are otherwise happy. Should he just accept it, walk away and certainly destroy his family, or indulge in a rare, minor transgression that utlimately has no consequence?
Special Mom, your last response is basically "I don't believe you." That it certainly your option, but it doesn't change reality. Even if the story weren't true (but it is), there seems to be no better solution at this time. Unfortunately mine is not uncommon and there are many more like me. A good friend of mine hasn't received oral sex in four years. He and his wife (and family) are otherwise happy. Should he just accept it, walk away and certainly destroy his family, or indulge in a rare, minor transgression that utlimately has no consequence?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh, that is so not sexy Vance. Not sure how someone could be into that.
Happy endings is never part of a legitimate massage. You do not pay for a real massage, you pay for the extra benefit. This is cheating with a prostitute.
Most women who do this work in the US are doing it because they are forced to. By no means do they want to.
Most women who do this work in the US are doing it because they are forced to. By no means do they want to.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Have her write to us and tell us she thinks a happy ending is part of a massage. Then I'll buy it.
It sounds like your marriage is in trouble overall. I do wish you luck resolving that.
It sounds like your marriage is in trouble overall. I do wish you luck resolving that.
I know what she would say. She doesn't approve but also believes a happy ending is a part of male massage and does encourage me to go without discussing the details. This still does not resolve whether it is cheating.
If a spouse has exclusive privilges but he or she refuses an activity for many years, I propose the spouse looses that exclusivity. I'm not talking about engaging in activity that crosses normal boundaries. These are activities theat were commonplace before marriage then subsided and now don't occur.
Every relationship has troubles and requires hard work to make it last. We are generally quite happy together and have little strife beyond normal conflict. On this issue, however, there is no compromise. She won't do it. I've tried many approaches and "you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours" agreements. All fail. I could try negative compromise and play ***-for-tat - if you don't do this than I won't do that, but this is an unhealthy stance. This all boils down to either accepting this void for the next several decades or finding it on the outside.
Understand that I'm not thrilled with this situation. Compromise won't happen. Counseling won't happen since she disagrees there is cause for concern. She also would never agree to have frank conversations about sex with a 3rd party.
Life isn't perfect and it isn't black and white. This is by no means a textbook aspect of marriage, but it seems to work and keeps this issue at bay. In the end, it seems less like cheating and more like an imperfect solution to an otherwise unresolvable issue.
If a spouse has exclusive privilges but he or she refuses an activity for many years, I propose the spouse looses that exclusivity. I'm not talking about engaging in activity that crosses normal boundaries. These are activities theat were commonplace before marriage then subsided and now don't occur.
Every relationship has troubles and requires hard work to make it last. We are generally quite happy together and have little strife beyond normal conflict. On this issue, however, there is no compromise. She won't do it. I've tried many approaches and "you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours" agreements. All fail. I could try negative compromise and play ***-for-tat - if you don't do this than I won't do that, but this is an unhealthy stance. This all boils down to either accepting this void for the next several decades or finding it on the outside.
Understand that I'm not thrilled with this situation. Compromise won't happen. Counseling won't happen since she disagrees there is cause for concern. She also would never agree to have frank conversations about sex with a 3rd party.
Life isn't perfect and it isn't black and white. This is by no means a textbook aspect of marriage, but it seems to work and keeps this issue at bay. In the end, it seems less like cheating and more like an imperfect solution to an otherwise unresolvable issue.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Also wanted to comment that if there is dissatisfaction between partners, that is a relationship issue. The pair needs to compromise. Counseling may help you move past that issue as well as address whatever other issues are going on in the relationship. good luck
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