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Is a "Full" Massage cheating
My husband's co-workers were teasing him about not going for massages with them. He works in a Wall Street firm and needless to say the tension is crazy. Apparently these guys go for massages and the girls massage everything causing the men to ejaculate. My husband and I think this is wrong if you are married. Well you can not believe the debate this caused. Inno way are we bashing massages. I too go for them - but there is a line and we think that kind of massage is cheating. What do you men and woman think - are we prudes???
I think people should ultimately evaluate their own conscience and situation and decide what is right for them; nobody will ever see eye to eye on a topic like this, especially men & women.
Since I am a man with a competent level of experience, I will attempt to speak for them.
For men, its not "the lack of sex". All men are highly-skilled masturbaters; they've carefully honed that skill since puberty. They can do it any time, and almost anywhere. Masturbation is a temporary release for us. BTW, most married men who masturbate are not fantasizing about their wives when they do it. Does that mean they are cheating?
What it comes down to, its more the fantasy and craving of having that awesome orgasm that the random, run of the mill masturbation or sex with their chosen partner no longer gives them. It varies in degrees, depending on the man, his drive, and how many mind-blowing orgasms he has experienced in his life. A man never knows how awesome the orgasm will be during the period in which he is stimulated; he can only hope and attempt to create the best possibility of it happening. Once a man does have a mind-blowing orgasm, he will want to do anything he can to experience it again. The chemicals and sensations released are mind-blowing; better than any drug. Problem is, those orgasms are so random, and I assume they vary with each man. Men never talk about this kind of thing, so there is little knowledge or baseline. I would compare it to a professional surfer's yearning to find that next bigger wave or a crack addict looking for the same high they got when they first smoked.
Women think it is a moral issue and a cop-out, but men are simply hardwired this way. They are biologically wired with a drive to reproduce with as many partners as possible. This is a survival function that once kept our species alive, and still remains present. Throw all of your bible and moral **** out of the window.
Women will never ever fully understand the intensity or amplitude of the random sexual cravings that men have, and most men will not take the time to explain it to them, for obvious reasons. Men are supposed to remain morally monogamous, yet WOW, we see men of the highest social and moral caliber deviate from this all of the time.
I think people should focus more on what points make a great marriage and relationship, rather than the semantics of what ruin them. A man or woman who are great parents to their children and provide for each other unconditionally speaks much greater volumes. In a perfect world, we would all have what we want in every aspect, and what defines "perfect" only becomes a longer list as society evolves.
Since I am a man with a competent level of experience, I will attempt to speak for them.
For men, its not "the lack of sex". All men are highly-skilled masturbaters; they've carefully honed that skill since puberty. They can do it any time, and almost anywhere. Masturbation is a temporary release for us. BTW, most married men who masturbate are not fantasizing about their wives when they do it. Does that mean they are cheating?
What it comes down to, its more the fantasy and craving of having that awesome orgasm that the random, run of the mill masturbation or sex with their chosen partner no longer gives them. It varies in degrees, depending on the man, his drive, and how many mind-blowing orgasms he has experienced in his life. A man never knows how awesome the orgasm will be during the period in which he is stimulated; he can only hope and attempt to create the best possibility of it happening. Once a man does have a mind-blowing orgasm, he will want to do anything he can to experience it again. The chemicals and sensations released are mind-blowing; better than any drug. Problem is, those orgasms are so random, and I assume they vary with each man. Men never talk about this kind of thing, so there is little knowledge or baseline. I would compare it to a professional surfer's yearning to find that next bigger wave or a crack addict looking for the same high they got when they first smoked.
Women think it is a moral issue and a cop-out, but men are simply hardwired this way. They are biologically wired with a drive to reproduce with as many partners as possible. This is a survival function that once kept our species alive, and still remains present. Throw all of your bible and moral **** out of the window.
Women will never ever fully understand the intensity or amplitude of the random sexual cravings that men have, and most men will not take the time to explain it to them, for obvious reasons. Men are supposed to remain morally monogamous, yet WOW, we see men of the highest social and moral caliber deviate from this all of the time.
I think people should focus more on what points make a great marriage and relationship, rather than the semantics of what ruin them. A man or woman who are great parents to their children and provide for each other unconditionally speaks much greater volumes. In a perfect world, we would all have what we want in every aspect, and what defines "perfect" only becomes a longer list as society evolves.
My boyfriend, of almost a year, just did this. He told me about it on New Years Eve He says it was a mistake, and that he won't do it again but doesn't really seem to think it was that serious. He is acting like I'm making mountains out of molehills.
I loved him a lot, and so want to forgive him, but I won't . Because, I don't want to be in a relationship where this keeps happening. And with his attitude, I can see that it will. Because, he will just expect me to get over it again, if he does it again.
I just want reassurance, especially from the men out there, that a) I'm not making a fuss about nothing and b) this is NOT the norm for people in relationships. And so, I should let him go, and hold out for the kind of relationship that I want.
I loved him a lot, and so want to forgive him, but I won't . Because, I don't want to be in a relationship where this keeps happening. And with his attitude, I can see that it will. Because, he will just expect me to get over it again, if he does it again.
I just want reassurance, especially from the men out there, that a) I'm not making a fuss about nothing and b) this is NOT the norm for people in relationships. And so, I should let him go, and hold out for the kind of relationship that I want.
I am a 41 year old male...married for 11 years with 2 kids. Over the last 11 years my spouse and I have rarely had sex more than once a week. More often than not it is at best once a month if things work out. The duration is getting longer as time goes on. In my opinion I have a very strong sex drive....so i masturbate to get the release. As I turned 40..something inside me tells me that time is running out . I have never had intercourse with any woman other than my wife. In fact, I was a virgin till I married her. Starting 2010 ....i have had 3 hand jobs as part of a full body massage every year...so a total of 9 incidents in the last 3 years. In 5 of those I have touched another woman intimately..breasts, never kissed any of them on the lips though. I have never had intercourse with any woman. I feel real guilty after these sessions since I think I have cheated her. I do not want to hold my spouse responsible for my actions since she is a very sweet person; I was fully aware of what I am doing...so no excuses for my behavior. Keen to get the views of men and women on this forum regarding my situation.
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Ha, i didn't read all of the replies, as i think the answer is a resounding, YES this is cheating. It grosses me out to think that a bunch of men are standing in line together, and having sex trade worker give them a "release". How disgusting is that? I feel so sorry for the sex trade workers, who had to be in a really tough place to make the decision to do this for a living. Imagine how filthy these poor women feel about themselves? Something went terribly wrong for them to objectify themselves in this manner. These guys need to look at these women as if they were their daughters, and refrain from destroying them further with their selfish needs. I can't believe that this is considered bonding for men? The fact that this is up for debate shocks me further. How could anyone justify this behavior and how can it be part of a business strategy? I can see getting together for team building but this is just GROSS. More people should stand up and be heard, maybe there will be less peer pressure that way. I think i would feel just as filthy as the sex trade worker. Too bad that money didn't go into the Christmas fund for disadvantaged youth!! Shame on them!!
Hi Connie, would love to share my thoughts with you and I am curious of yours as I am having a similar experience. Recently got married (not the 18 yrs yet). Via e-mail if possible. Picnic
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