Relationships Community
6.34k Members
Avatar universal

Is he cheating?

So me and my husband have been married 7yrs and together for 8. We have two boys, he works FT 3rd and I work PT 2nd. Time for us is rare considering kids, work, and responsibilities. Sex started taking a major plunge when I became pregnant with our second child and I have put on a few extra pounds but it's even more so now with our schedules I maybe get sex once or twice a month!! I understand that you need some time to be involved but it seems he always has an excuse when we do have the time. I doubt he's having an affair because he's home at the same time every day, I check his pay stubs, and when he is home he's sleeping. Yes I'm not around him all the time even when he isn't at work but other then the lack of sex their are no signs that I can see. We don't have cell phones because when one of us is away the other is at home. I just don't understand, I have read some signs for cheating but none of them apply. It's hard to think the saying "He's just not that into you" would be the case when it's your husband. Were only in our early 30's why would the sex drive die so soon?!
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Your sex drive is not gone..it is just on hold for a while. It happens in cycles, especially when you have children, jobs and then a household to run. The only way to get out of the rut is to actually set aside a specific time and place to go on a date and to plan a night away here and there. It may sound silly but you may have to schedule sex too..at least until you break the rut of it. More sex=more sex. Less sex=less interest. It just happens that right now your routine is once or twice a month and then it gets fit in that way. The other thing is that men's sex drives can vary too with lack of sleep and stress. It is quite possible that all he can think of is just coming home and sleeping and it has zero to do with his attraction towards you, it just means he is exhausted. Also, maybe he feels the burden of providing for the family ever since your second pregnancy and that is weighing on him (even though you work PT too and share this burden). If I were to venture a guess, I bet it is just that there are only enough hours in the day to choose what to do when he gets home and he is just wanting to relax and sleep. I would let him know, though, that you are missing the closeness and that maybe you two can share "close" moments without it having to be sex at all (which will lead to sex at some point anyway ;)
686059 tn?1293837427
After being married for 7 years, the sparks and getting comfortable with each other has set in. Also, he's work schedule and life in general. I also believe if you have gain weight, it can be a hugh factor for him, so make sure to always, take care of  health and not let weight come between both of you and especially your health. It does not sound like he is cheating at all. Maybe just tired, schedule, work and comfortable as is after 7 yrs. Have a talk with him and ask him that you have noticed that love making is decreasing and discuss your concerns and if there is anything that you can do to get the spark back in the bedroom. If you get no results and continue unhappy then it's time for a marriage counselor or priest trained in these issues....Good Luck,Judy
Avatar universal
Like everyone else said I don't think he is cheating.  He's probably exhausted.  When I gained weight I thought the sex was better.  Sometimes husbands get nervous and feel like they can't perform as well as they used too.  Men are more visually attracted.  He'll probably get interested if you tell him you want to wear something special for him.  
1013194 tn?1296463081
Well the weight gain should not even be a factor if he loves you so i wouldn't even consider it, if it is tell him get over it you had kids, your still you...i think he is just plain tired..But sexy underwear does wonders to a man..surprise him when you are not as tired also:)
Have an Answer?
Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327197724
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398568723
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child
This article will tell you more about strength training at home, giving you some options that require little to no equipment.