Avatar universal

Is it my stress or my relationship?

Hi everyone
I am currently sitting my final exams at college and I have been really struggling with my exams and studying and it has really stressed me out, even though sometimes I don't feel stressed I know it is always there in the back of my mind. I recently left college and now only have to go back for my exams and so I've had a lot of free time which has only increased my stress as I've had a lot of time to think about my worries.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 8 months and even though I'm only 18 for the past 8 months I would say I have loved him, ive always been so excited to see him and have always had so much fun with him. Before I was in a relationship with him I was obsessed with him and really wanted to get to know him etc etc. Hes amazing and funny and has done absolutely nothing wrong.
Yet the weekend I left college I was with him and had this sudden thought of do I love him? And it really upset me as there has been no reason for me to doubt it nothing has changed. After this thought I began to obsess over it and pick at more and more things, trying to find reasons that the thought may have come into my head and making my worries even stronger. I told my boyfriend and he has been very supportive and understanding even though it must be hard for him. Everyone I have spoke to has reassured me that it's my anxiety that I have developed around my exams projecting on other parts of my life and the obsessive thinking is just a result of the stress I've been feeling, yet I still can't relax and whenever I have free time I find myself thinking what if this doesn't go away when my stress does? What if I don't love him? I really really want to just go back to normal, back to that time when I got that thought to get rid of it because I have loved him so much and I don't understand how you can just stop in a split second? And if I really didn't care would I be so upset and distressed? Is it possible that anxiety and stress can make you feel this way about your relationships and is it likely that if it's down to the anxiety I will forget about it when my exams are finished?

Ps. I am known to have obsessive thoughts such as if I'm getting ill I cannot stop thinking about it until i get distracted or until the symptoms stop, is what's happening just another example of this?
Tags: stress, Anxiety, Love, Relationships, exams, worry, obsessive thoughts, Obsessive
6 Responses
3060903 tn?1398565123
Yeah, with no other information about problems that you've encountered with your boyfriend, just that he's amazing, and funny, i  would say that your obsessions are just like when you're getting ill....you needed to be distracted then, or have the symptoms go away. If the exams are the symptoms, when will they be finished? I would distract yourself from thinking about the bf until after exams. for sure.

if you don't love him, you will know it soon enough.
Don't let anything sabotage your exams. You're worked too hard to be eligible to write them. Settle down and do your best.

Reach some poetry, that you like. I read Native Spirituality poems.
Thanks for your post. Let us know how you are doing.
3060903 tn?1398565123
And one more thought. Don't worry if you love him or don't love him. Sometimes it takes awhile to really know you love someone and they are the one and only for you. You have only been dating right? The question you need to ask yourself only , is do you want to see him again, (one day at a time). You're not married, you don't need to have these all consuming worries. That's for people that are engaged or married, to have, (to start questioning whether you should be in a relationship because you don't know if you "love" someone enough). Don't put the cart before the horse gf.
Avatar universal
The thing about getting ill - I realise that something was out of the norm and then focus on it constantly and never stop thinking about it, I would think of an illness that this symptom related to and then almost convince myself I had the other symptoms, even if i probably really didn't. All this happened when I first started studying for my exams properly.
And I understand what you mean about loving him, it was more like do I feel the same as I used to, but without anything at all changing or him doing anything that he wouldn't normally do I was confused at how I could suddenly have this feeling.
I spoke to quite a few people and they all said that it's perfectly normal to question how you feel - people have doubts about everything all the time, but because of the stress I have been under I have latched onto that problem and overanalysed it rather than letting the thought slip away like I usually would. Maybe as a way to distract myself from worrying about my exams... Do you think this could be true? I really don't like the fact I'm constantly questioning it as I've had the best time with him and I really can't criticise anything. My friends and family say when I'm with him we are constantly laughing and joking and nothing has changed, so more than likely it is all in my head. My exams finish in 10 days and I'm doing okay in them, I manage to concentrate when I'm studying. I really hope when I'm done and the stress is lifted I can stop overthinking everything in my life.
Avatar universal
I feel like deep down I know that nothing is there, for example when I'm at my most relaxed at night before bed I know that everything is how it should be, but when I've been stressed during the day it all comes back. It's getting better day by day and I am managing to forget about it a bit more now so maybe it will just take time until I've forgotten. I still love being around him apart from when i start overthinking again. After my exams I have a big trip to New York coming up so I think that'll be the perfect distraction and hopefully I'll get back to normal. I just wanted to know that it was possible that test anxiety could make you have irrational thoughts about other things. Thank you :)
Avatar universal
"Is it possible that anxiety and stress can make you feel this way about your relationships and is it likely that if it's down to the anxiety I will forget about it when my exams are finished?"..............That is a possibility.  I just think you are too busy in your head trying to focus on too many different things at one time.  You sound totally overwhelmed.

Focus on the exams and taking care of yourself for now and then go from there.
3060903 tn?1398565123
Know that if your relationship continues the way that it is... everything in the "love" department you will "ace"...

Career students have so much stress, they are always on that line where anything can change with the blink of an eye, every move you make makes a huge difference in your overall mark.

and i think you're viewing what may become the most important relationship in your life like that... that every thought, every nuance means something that could drastically effect the bottom line. It's NOT that way in relationships, mind wander, I stop myself from thinking trash, all the time. I just say to myself, STOP Trash Thinking. Maybe that would help you too>?  You could say something like "He's smart and funny. We have no problems yet. Don't fix it if it's not broke.

If you can't manage to stop your obsession about overthinking, stop in at the health centre at the college and they'll be able to give you tools to stop yourself from this quirky response to stress. Every little thing is going to be alright !!!!
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