Confusion- what to do help

[kezzant]

My partner and I have been together for 27 years, until a couple of years ago I always believed him to be faithful, sex happened at least 20 times a month between us, then I found out different, he has been visiting the brothel for several years.
He put it back on me saying I didn't do enough and I had cheated, which I hadn't, on him so it was OK for him to do it, we split for a few months then got back together, since then his addiction to porn has become out of control, every day he gets out of bed and masturbates to it, then blames me be as I didnt get up early enough, 5am, to do it for him, he wants me to do the things that he is watching and things to me that I feel uncomfortable with,  when I say no he gets quite angry, when we do have sex it won't stay up for him and this is another thing he blames on me, says I have no interest in it.
On top of the porn he degrades me about the sex we have, tells me he doesnt please me and i need more than he can give to satisfy my big loose vagina, he manipulates, mentally abuses and doesn't like much about me when he gets into one of his mood, which can go on for several weeks.
What can I do about this situation,  any advice would be great

[Nighthawk61]

But your question was What to do? Educate yourself on Sexual Addiction. There is a site for you to look into for Partners of Sex Addicts, it can be found @ ...    http://posarc.com/

This is a MUST read for you. Please let us know whether this site can be of help to you, moving forward. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Nighthawk61]

I have to say first, that many addicts use as a result of ptsd related indeed to others action... it is often only in treatment that an addict is able to see the connection...

however, as for your situation with your husband, i totally agree with all the ladies here, you deserve so much more from a man,...

i mean really ? 20x a month. Most men would say they had died and gone to heaven having that much attention to their libido... one man may still say they have died and gone to heaven if you open yourself to that possibility..?

why waste your efforts on someone who doesn't appreciate it ?
it sounds like you've been over compensating for many years  with this one.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Agree with Londres70 !!

Darned if I would stay with a "controlling, abusive sex addict"  who blames You for His controlling, abusive sexual behavior !!  

You deserve to have a mutually loving partner and He deserves to relate to His computer images as apparently He can't perform with a living, breathing, walking, talking Woman.

You separated once so You have shown YourSelf that You can live without Him.

P.S
His erection issue is most probably related to His addiction to porn - it's like all other addictions in the sense that "tolerance" goes up and He 'needs' more and more in His quest for satisfaction - key word 'quest' -  He's not really getting His satisfaction - it becomes a desperation in seeking to satisfy HimSelf and like many, many addicts - He blames You for His 'problem'.  Alcoholics and drug addicts often blame others for Their addictions as well.  It's Their way of not taking responsibility for Their own behaviors.  The only way out of this is for Him to seek therapy or for You to leave. My vote is for You to leave.  It doesn't sound like He's open to taking any responsibility for His role in this.

GoodLuck

[specialmom]

Very sorry to hear this.  His blaming you is very addict behavior.  Addicts do anything to not have to admit that they are the one with a problem.  

In all honesty, unless he seeks therapy, intervention, rehab---  he will not get better.  It's a long road but the only way.

so sorry sweetie.  You don't deserve this.  

[Londres70]

Oh My..........why are you still there?

A controlling, abusive sex addict..............WHY do you think you need this?

[Dalubaba]

I re read your post. His argument that you are not having enough sexual drive is wrong. He has developed a habit of going to brothel. This habit has nothing to do with you. He is giving you false excuses. Your problem is relationship issue, so it has been shifted to a different forum.Mh organizers catagorize according to the subject.You will get suggestions from people who are used to get such problems.

[Dalubaba]

consulting experts, is the only way.Or you may try to lean new techniques to      make him more satisfied sexually.Both the ways are tortuous. Or you may pick up some tips from Google.Or just thank him for being with you for so many years and say good bye.Trying consultation appears to be better option.Thhink and do the needful.Best of luck.