Is it normal for a 24 year old guy to not think about sex?

[Sarahf34567]

I’m a bit frustrated because a guy I like and have hooked up with once hasn’t made an effort to have sex again. He finally told me he’s been like this since high school and while he likes it, it’s not something he needs. He’s not ever horny unless the situation presents itself in person. He’s a fantastic sex partner so I don’t think that’s the issue and he said he’d like to do it again but he just doesn’t ever think about sex. This can’t be normal but he said he’s been like this with ex girlfriend as well.

[specialmom]

Well, a couple of things could be going on.  He may be telling you the truth and he's not a sexual kind of guy.  OR, he's not that into you and wants to let you down but not in a way that you don't like him anymore.  OR he's afraid of casual sex and the consequences of pregnancy, etc.  Try not to analyze it.  He's telling you that you two aren't a match for dating.  Keep him as a buddy and find someone that suits your own sex drive more and is interested in that with you too.  good luck

[Sarahf34567]

A bit more detail; so I don’t can any to date him. He’s incredibly attractive and I like hanging out with him but neither of us want to date. He’s told me he likes me and we had some seriously amazing sex so it’ not that he can’t its just that he has no real desire to have sex more than a few times a month.  We have a mutual friend who confirmed that he doesn’t have much of a desire for sex unless it happens to happen. So meeting up just for that purpose it’s super frustrating because he doesn’t seem to need it like most people do. That doesn’t seem normal for a guy in their 20’s.

[specialmom]

We can't really generalize most guys into this or that category. Everyone is different.  I knew guys in their 20's like this but it was usually A. they didn't want to risk getting a girl they were casually sleeping with knocked up or B. they weren't that into the girl and didn't feel the sex was all that great.  Just being honest here.  Low sex drive happens to some guys too.  Even if it isn't the most common thing, it's what the deal is with this guy.  He's saying no.  Quit talking to his friends about it as that is really a breach of his privacy, don't you think?  I'm not trying to be hard on you but I'd just move on.  It is what it is.  What is hard about sex is that whether we tell ourselves it is hooking up and casual, we almost always have feelings underneath or develop them or at the very least, have our ego involved if they then don't want to do it anymore.  He may just want to respect you as a friend only and not mix having sex into that which often screws up friendships.  ??  Lots of things can be going on but it sounds like he is letting you know not to expect sex.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

You said "A bit more detail; so I don’t can any to date him. He’s incredibly attractive and I like hanging out with him but neither of us want to date."

OK, Sarah, you are thinking dating is a bigger deal than having sex? I'd say you are selling sex very short and giving dating a lot of heavy weight. I assume by "dating," (which in years gone by was just for casual fun and getting acquainted, and meant nothing at all), you mean "getting serious and being in a committed relationship" or something similar. And sex, which is the most deeply personal thing someone can do, is to you, nothing. I would say this guy (who either has low sex drive or something else is going on that you cannot argue him out of) has a better idea of what sex is for, than you do. It's not just for a workout, and it's not just for getting one hour's fun, and it's not just for being proud of yourself that you scored such an "incredibly attractive" person in your bed. It's for creating intimacy. I think he is saying to you that he doesn't want to create that level of intimacy and/or any commitment, and I think you are being superficial.

I don't think you should argue with him, pressure him, tell his friends what you want and ask about him (for which, shame on you), call him and imply you are available, talk about how good looking he is, or anything. It's almost like stalking, and he might begin to feel hunted. How would you feel if some guy had the hots for you and did all that? You'd think he was an intrusive, unwanted horndog. Please don't be that person. Step up. Be graceful. Say goodbye to your fantasy of having sex with this good-looking guy you have made into a sex object who you don't even care enough to date. Just drop it and move on.

[AnnieBrooke]

Also, your title used the words "Is it normal?" and you also said "That doesn’t seem normal for a guy in their 20’s." What is with a word like "normal?" How would you feel if some guy that wanted to have sex with you, who for whatever reason, you turned down, is badgering you with the implication that you are somehow sexually deficient or "frigid" or "not liberated" or other judgemental remark, when all you did was not want to have sex with him?  Calling him not normal is a form of judgement and seems like bullying with a psychological label. Are you a psychologist? Asking if he is "normal" on the Internet or especially if you said this to your friends is really out of line. All he is really saying is that he does not feel like having sex with you, and that is something he has the right to say without having to give you even one reason, let alone a reason that saves face for you. He has been a gentleman in this and you are not being a lady. Please let it go.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This is quite simple.  His libido isn't a match for You - Yours is more, His is less - It seems to me this has little or nothing to do with "normal"

[EchoeP]

Could be that he's very religious and you aren't aware. Or he's into the other team and hasn't come out to himself much less the rest of the world, or he's a narcissistic ******* who you need to run from ....fast!

[Nighthawk61]

You've mentioned this guy is really good looking, and think about that for a minute...With really good looking males or females, they are  often hit upon starting pretty early on in their lives, for sex - and that get's really old - sounds like this man is waiting to find the love of his life, and you should stop talking about him to his friends, with even a hint that it's abnormal for him to not want to get with you whenever you want it. It's turning lovemaking into a commodity and that is a real turn off to a normal guy that just wants to fall in love with the person of his choice.

[Nighthawk61]

Casual sex with whomever to some is a tacky part of life, that they'd just as soon do without - sounds like he might fit that bill (which to many is absolutely normal) and is waiting for a love connection.

[NicolaDarling]

I think it's pretty normal for a guy not to obsess about sex. Despite media portrayals of men as constantly ready to sleep with anything with legs, a lot of guys have a more moderate interest in sex. So he doesn't dwell on the subject, what's wrong with that? He has said he'd like to be with you again, and you find him attractive. It may be wise to start a relationship based on more than sexual activity, since clearly that's not his first priority. If you consider sex extremely important, then he might not be the guy for you.