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Avatar universal

Is it time to end the relationship?

I have been Dating My boyfriend (L) for 3 years. I will graduate college in a year, and he will be going back to grad school. L is 27 & I am 22. He is Asian and I am Caucasian which is one of the few problems his mother has with our relationship.Being first gen. American makes it hard to balance both cultures, but I feel that if he really plans to "spend his life with me", as he says he wants to, that is shouldn't matter what his mother thinks.

I am really beginning to think he is a momma's boy and that we will never progress past the gf&bf stage. I am not christian enough, Chinese enough, smart enough, etc for her boy. A year ago he told me he wanted to spend  his life with m,e so until recently I had been asking him about engagement and our future together with little to no response. We got into a heated text message argument with some of his comments being "how did u ever get the idea i wanted to get married or engaged...Maybe we should just breakup....I want to wait until I am financially stable" He called up the next day and said sorry.

Right now he is in a different state about 6hrs away with his parents until he starts grad school. If he ever visits me it is about once a month or once in 2 months and then it is only for half a day to 2 days if I am lucky(because it would upset his parents).
Yes he has to study for grad school, he plays for churches on Sundays, and has lessons and practice on Thursdays. I love him dearly, he is the first guy I have ever dated for so long, and financially stable for him has not been defined....In other words I could be waiting 2 more years, 3, 4, 5, or infinity.  I need some advice, a magic shakey 8 ball thing that tells me if he will ever want to get engaged (not just say one day....), if his mother will ever like me, if I have be reborn as a Chinese girl to make her happy or be a nun, etc.!! I am very depressed right now bc of that fight and he wants to act as if nothing happened.
5 Responses
1353681 tn?1387083733
Hi G.. I was just wondering, do  you enjoy him/love him? You do not mention your feelings for him; what you share emotionally. If you do love him, I'd say stay, at least a bit more. You are only 22, and he is only 27; he may have said I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I think he did mean it, BUT that doesn't mean he MEANT it has to be, getting married, or engaged. Some are still not sure in their 20's , on marriage. If you enjoy each other's friendship or love, I don't think a 'ring' MUST bind that; it's already there.. do you know what I mean? I think it is hard or tricky when someone says 'I need to know this/that in our future...' it makes one feel a 'timeline' of sorts, or like, 'if you don't marry me, then, bye'.. I'm not saying YOU are doing that, I just think if you settle into really just enjoying him, things will be less 'pressure', for you and him. I do feel for you that his mom is not showing a positive aura for your own background or education, etc. That is kind of ignorant in my opinion. Who really cares anyway what she thinks. The key is, maybe ask, 'Would you 'ever' see yourself in marriage?'' If he says no, and that is a huge thing to you, then maybe start to part ways, while possibly still remaining friends. But, I don't think he'd say he'd 'ever' not see marriage in your future. You sound like a great girl, and just take things ONE day at a time. I envy you, b/c I am 32, and never even had an actual bf; I have extreme anxiety w/men and relationships. I work on it everyday- so just being in the moment and really thinking if you TRULY love him even if you don't have 'answers ' for the future, is a key factor to your joy.
Avatar universal
Well i cant really give u answer all i can say is i went through the same thing with my husband im white hes white but im not that religious but if i waa it would be christian and his family is jovoah witnesses so the only way we could be together is if i became that or he wasnt one when we gor serious he chosee me and still to this day its the same we r married . And his family is now trying to get us in that religion and we still agree that we dont want that i guess what im trying to say is sometimes when u know its the one they will do what they have to be there. I just got lucky who knows u might as well . But i agree with the above post u should defintly ask him what he wants.
Avatar universal
thank you very much!! Yes I love him very much. Enough to where it drives me crazy to be apart from him. Sometimes i worry that I am judging things poorly because he is my first intimate relationship(1 relationship period!) . He does want to stay together, but he seems to be completely obsessed with money! He worries tha I want a ridiculous break the bank ring, paying for grad school, paying student loans, etc. Me telling him that he doesn't have to support me, do fancy vacations, or get an expensive ring doesn't seem to assuage his worries :( i probably worry 2much
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi, him saying "why do you ever think he wants to marry you' is an important statement and shows that part of him resolving issues is the threat of breaking  up. I feel he is very controlling and will have you living HIS life not YOURS. If you dont mind giving up your life for his then stay but if you want to live your life to the fullest then find someone who will let you.
3060903 tn?1398565123
You've been dating for three years.  I think that if he's serious about you he would ask you to marry him, and he would give you a ring, and make it very clear to his parents that you are to be his wife. The thing is this, is he planning on living with his parents through graduate school? and there would be no place for you in their home?
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