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Is my doctor flirting with me????
Okay, please do not say anything negative to me or put me down for this, as I am quite confused as to what has happened. I was referred to a doctor, and yes he is somewhat attractive. I saw him for the first time and instantly there was almost like a nervous tension. He was very kind to me, and had me sit next to him and showed me everything on the screen and such and showed me where it would be as well in my body while sitting there. Then he went to examine me, and mind you it was only him and I in there the whole time. He had me get on the table and he moved the pillow and made sure it was in a good location and helped me to lay back (I am not unable to sit up or lay back or anything on my own, can do so just fine). Then he went around and pull the leg thing out so I could put my legs out and just set his hand on my leg to signal me to do so. He examined me, very thorough, too thoroughly in my opinion. He touched me in a way though that I never had a doctor touch me. It was so gentle, almost like a caress. Then, he needed to look at my abdomen, so he just pulls my shirt up, not even a warning and looks. Makes a joke about the fact that I had previously had a child would make the procedure easier, while his hand was still resting on my stomach. He then pulled the waste of my pants down to examine where I had my c-section, again no woman in the room and no warning. I am going to leave off here and see what anyone thinks, and if more info is needed then I will provide more details. There also seemed to be just a playful banter throughout the whole thing. Am I crazy? please help me!!!
Ditto what everyone said! I too don't see that he did anything wrong, but that being said, everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to a physical exam. Definitely either take someone with you, or ask for a nurse to be present during an exam. If you're REALLY uncomfy, find a new surgeon.
Best of luck on your surgery! Hope you have a speedy recovery! :0)
Best of luck on your surgery! Hope you have a speedy recovery! :0)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, good luck with your surgery. Since you are in the position of needing the surgery, I would just be clear that you don't like the touching and have boundaries. You can request a nurse be in the room. yep, you can. OR take someone with you to the appt. good luck
Thqnk you so much everyone. I feel much better qbout it. I've only 4 male doctors of the 12 I see at the moment, and he is the only one like this. Maybe he is just friendly. I see him again this week, then I get surgery. I only met him last week. I unfortunately don't have time to find a new doctor as I have large aneurysms and my condition is on the verge of life threatening. I do feel much more at ease now about it all though, so again, thank you. :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi. I agree that it doesn't sound like he was flirting or being sexual to you but just has a style you don't care for. If he makes you uncomfortable, find another surgeon but I wouldn't assume he was doing anything wrong.
good luck with your surgery.
good luck with your surgery.
It sounds to me that the Dr did nothing wrong. You will be having other surgeries so he was checking your c- section site. That sounds normal to me. I do agree with what was said in another comment. If you feel uncomfortable with him then see another Dr. Some Drs are very nice and easy going and others are much more strict about things. I had the same family Dr for 21 years and I always got a hug before I left his office. So did my daughter, and my husband got a hand shake. Mind you, it took years to build this kind of relationship with our Dr.
Sorry I am a bit shy of giving too many details via the internet, as I do not want to be associated with what is going through my head if it is not valid
I am having a spleen removal plus gall bladder. He is a thoracic/general surgeon. So no, absolutely no relation.
I don't understand what he was looking for. You said he was a surgeon so what kind if surgery are you suppose to have? It would help give you better advice to know exactly what type of surgeon he is, what are you going to see him for, what's the nature of the surgery and whether it has anything to do with your c section scar or anything that he actually examines when he looked at you? I'm confused about what you were doing there so if you could be more specific, I think that would help.
Did they tell you they were going to look at your incision? I as not told and he just pulled my pants down looked made a joke about oh well all looks good but we won't be going down this far and smiled at me. He pulled my pants back up and things went on. I had no clue he was going to look there until he was, I feel a warning would have been adequate. I am educated mind you, I am no idiot, so to feel uncomfortable is saying something of the least.
Well.....I've have a C-section and a hyster and my physician examined the area without an assistant. While it is near the vaginal area, there would be no need for a female nurse or a female medical assistant to be present.
I really don't see flirting or anything really "unethical" going on here, however, if you feel that uncomfortable with this physician don't return.
I really don't see flirting or anything really "unethical" going on here, however, if you feel that uncomfortable with this physician don't return.
I am in the US now. He is a surgeon, so nothing having to even do with the female part.
May I ask what country you are in? I'm in England and I work within medical education, ensuring doctors are trained correctly.
Firstly many people mistake compassion and kindness with sexual Behaviour when they are communicating with a doctor. I trust it was an internal procedure so of course he sat next to you; he wanted to show you the screen. He may just be a nice guy who was putting you at ease. As an obstetrician or gynaecologist he'd have seen a million vaginas in his life and sorry to say, they just do not tend to 'turn it on' in clinic.
HOWEVER if he crossed the line you have a duty of care to report him to his governing body. In the UK that is the GMC.
Some docs do act inappropriately and it is unacceptable. A local General Practitioner to me has just been sent to prison for molesting woman. It sadly does happen.
What you cannot do is try to date him. It's not ethical.
I think most women find doctors attractive. It's the power they have. Again, trust me, they are just normal human beings!
Let me know if you want to 'talk' further. X
Firstly many people mistake compassion and kindness with sexual Behaviour when they are communicating with a doctor. I trust it was an internal procedure so of course he sat next to you; he wanted to show you the screen. He may just be a nice guy who was putting you at ease. As an obstetrician or gynaecologist he'd have seen a million vaginas in his life and sorry to say, they just do not tend to 'turn it on' in clinic.
HOWEVER if he crossed the line you have a duty of care to report him to his governing body. In the UK that is the GMC.
Some docs do act inappropriately and it is unacceptable. A local General Practitioner to me has just been sent to prison for molesting woman. It sadly does happen.
What you cannot do is try to date him. It's not ethical.
I think most women find doctors attractive. It's the power they have. Again, trust me, they are just normal human beings!
Let me know if you want to 'talk' further. X
He did not do a vaginal exam. However, the Cesarean incisions are done pretty low and close to that area. Again, maybe I am over thinking it, who knows.
I can't say exactly what this was. Flirting? Not sure about that.
If he was performing a vaginal examination then by law he should have had a female medical assistant or a female nurse present while conducting the exam. It is your right to have one present and it is your right to request one.
Bottom line: You have to feel 100% comfortable with and trust the physician examining you and if you don't then that's your right to find another physician. Just ask your referring physician to recommend someone else. Don't return to this physician.
If he was performing a vaginal examination then by law he should have had a female medical assistant or a female nurse present while conducting the exam. It is your right to have one present and it is your right to request one.
Bottom line: You have to feel 100% comfortable with and trust the physician examining you and if you don't then that's your right to find another physician. Just ask your referring physician to recommend someone else. Don't return to this physician.
If you were uncomfortable, go with your feeling. Find another doctor who will examine you with a nurse in the room or in a way that does not include banter and touching you in a way you find to be borderline inappropriate.
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I agree with the others who say that if you personally feel like he crossed a line then it's your right to find a different doctor. And since you're not 100^ sure whether it was truly crossing a line or not just that you felt that way then it's probably not the time to report it. Personally, from my perspective having gotten gallbladder surgery, I know that overall his exam sounds about standard but I also agree that he should have maybe said something before yanking your pants down to look at your c section scar. If it were me I might have made a comment about it to him to let him know I was uncomfortable but my gut feeling based on what you've said is just that he might just be an overly friendly doctor. Some people like docs with that type of method and some don't. It sounds like he is not for you so it's completely ok for you to get a new surgeon since you're not comfortable with him.
I got a second opinion before my surgery because I wasn't convinced that I needed it. But all the doc had to do was gently push on the gallbladder and I literally jumped off the table because it hurt so bad. I could have had the second opinion doc do the surgery but I opted for the first one cause my friend just had the same surgery a month before me and she loved this guy. He did well and I was pleased with the results. You should ways make sure you feel comfortable with your docs, especially with surgeons who are going to be performing surgery on you. If you think there was something "off" about this guy then by all means find a different one. In the end it only matters what you felt when you were there and none of our opinions have any bearing on your personal feelings.
Go with your gut. It's usually the right choice.