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464044 tn?1343702043

Is my marriage healthy? Is there any hope?

I have been married for about 3 months now. We have been off and on about 4 years. When I decided to marry him I thought it would make everything better. But it seems to have made everything worse. He is very jealous. He does not like any of my friends. He's made me quit several good jobs. And I just feel so controlled. Often suicidal. I want it to work. I keep telling him that I want him to treat me like he used to. Do the things that made me fall in love. I don't believe in divorce. I'd rather die. We are both bipolar and both battling with addiction. Sometimes I think about really hurting him. But I feel so trapped. I've done everything he's asked but he sees no fault in himself and is unwilling to change. What can I do?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
The ONLY 'power' You have is to make Your own changes - You will not change Him.

It seems to me You walked into this with Your eyes wide open - You knew what You were getting into.  You were "off and on for four years".  You must have thought (?) You were up to the challenge when You married Him.

If You don't "believe in divorce"  You should be very, very careful who You marry.

Try couple counseling?

GoodLuck
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
It's never a good idea to marry someone with the hope that marriage will 'make it better'.  It doesn't work that way.  

Agree with tink that marriage takes much thought.  It sounds like there were red flags and if you are a forever marriage person, it was a risk marrying him.  

Don't know if there is hope.  You can begin to make changes yourself and hope he follows.  Issues in a marriage are often a dance a couple does TOGETHER meaning you are partly responsible so think about how you can make a change.

He can't make you quit a job.  How is he making you do that?  Why don't you say no?  If you can't say no-----  is this relationship one of abuse?  Then if that is the case, you did choose to overlook the way he was and marry him.  And you have to burst your ideals about marriage and divorce because abuse is not something anyone should live with.  

Yes, agree to try counseling.  And sorry it turned out this way.  Fairy tales are in the movies . . .   real life is much harder.  good luck
13167 tn?1327194124
There is no shame in realizing you've made a mistake,  and getting a divorce.

What is a shame is sitting there in a marriage you know full well is a mistake and refusing to get out of it.  

Go watch "Wild".  It's about a young woman who was in a horrible place in her life,  and decided to challenge herself to walk the entire Pacific Crest Trail - From California to Washington State - with a 50 pound pack on her back,  all alone.

I think it will give you the feeling of empowerment not to just sit there because it's easier to sit in misery than it is to walk out of it.

Best wishes.
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