Just not happy

[embarassed410]

So i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He loves car's and sometimes i feel like he loves his cars more than he loves me. He gives them so much attention and it's all he talks about. I have confronted him before and he has told me that i'm just being silly. He doesn't even realize that i'm not happy at all! I want to stay with him because i love very part of him. He just doesn't understand that a lot of times i am not happy. I have told him this multiple times but he just doesn't understand! Please help.

[JustinDobbs23]

Boys will be boys, but he needs to pay more attention to you, and you need to put your foot down and make that clear. If he does indeed care about you this should be a simple task. If not then you're just going to have to accept It, or move on sadly, you don't need nor want that drama for 20+ years.

[specialmom]

Well, I have a couple of thoughts.  Love is a good thing and we all want that.  But sometimes it isn't enough to make a great relationship. The two things that concern me with what you've written is that first of all--------- your bf has a passion that is very important to him that you do not share.  Oh, it is so much nicer to have common interests and things you enjoy together.  I am sure you do but his number one passion is something he shares alone and you resent it.  I would say that you either have to start to appreciate his interest and get involved or it will always be a little something that irks you (and when you are married with 2 kids and a mortgage and all the issues that go with that----------- those little things that irk you all of a sudden are huge and add up).  The other thing that I get from what you've written is that you have tried to express yourself to him about your feelings and he isn't interested in hearing it.  That concerns me because we want our partners to take our feelings seriously.  Even when we are being a little over the top or silly, we want to feel heard and to have our partner address our concerns.  

Your use of the word "confront" makes me wonder about your communication style as confronting (especially over something like this) is probably not the best tactic.  It makes someone defensive and shuts down a conversation before it even gets started.  Stay away from "you" statements and stick with I statements.  Don't handle this with anger but just speak openly.

I know you love him and I hope this works out for you.  Dating is for finding out the things we need to know if a relationship should progress to the next level. Sometimes it will and sometimes it shouldn't.  I don't know here as you want this to work out.  So just try to work this out through communication and honesty.  But I doubt he'll give up his love of cars.  Maybe he can cut down on how much he works on them on the weekend.  

By the way, I have a friend who married a man like this but his passion is restoring wooden boats.  They have two kids and she is a single parent all day every Saturday and many a Sunday as he goes to work on the boats.  Something to think about.  Now, if you can join in the passion somehow, you may be able to stomach it better.