Lack of sex causing frustration

[chomma]

I am 30 years old and my girlfriend is 24 years old. We have been dating for just over a year now. We love each other and are even planning to get married one day. The problem I have is that for the last few months sex has been on the decrease moving from about 3 times a week to about once a month. Now i have read some of the posts on here with similar problems and they refer to this as the honeymoon phase.
I always make the 1st move and when i do lately, I get rejected. I tend to get upset and then just turn my back on her and give her the silent treatment. I don't mean to do this but this is just how i feel at that point in time. She in turns gets upset with me and she sees this as my way of punishing her for not giving in to sex. I always do my best to be romantic, cooking supper, massages. Don't get me wrong, we do enjoy spending time together, we go out for dinner, clubbing or just chill at home and talk for hours. We make each other laugh all the time but I feel that I always initiate everything from an intimate kiss to saying I love you. I know this might seem petty and I have tried talking to her but I get no where. I feel she's not making any compromise to meet me half way. She is on the pill and this gives her low libido and thus a low sex drive. All the other aspects of this relationship is flourishing and I know sex should not break or make this relationship but we all have to admit that it plays a vital role in the success of this relationship. Is there something I am doing wrong? I am thinking of going to couples counseling but if there is anything anyone can suggest or recommend, please let me know. I would like to build a life with this person but I want us both to be happy. This is making me frustrated and negatively impact the way I communicate with her. PLEASE HELP ME!

[el_em_en_oh]

Same thing happened to my wife when she was on the pill. Very low libido. We decided we weren't going to have kids, ever, so I got the ole' "snip-snip" (vasectomy), she came off the pill, libido returned, and all's well in the bedroom.

I will say, however, that Teko hit on something when she said "It sounds to me like there may be other issues besides sex going on or not here". The 'silent treatment' as you call it, for her not wanting to have sex with you, does not a happy relationship make.

Good call on the marriage-counseling. Sounds like there may be deeper issues waiting in the wings...

Good luck to you my friend.

[chomma]

Thank you very much for your input.

I will have a talk with her and see if we can come to some compromise middle ground.

I will report back on any new developments and also pray that we can get over this obstacle.

Thanks for everything!

[teko]

It sounds to me like there may be other issues besides sex going on or not here. Giving the silent treatment surely does turn one off from wanting anything to do with it for starters. Secondly, you might check out what changes have gone on in your relationship besides sex in the last months. Maybe things are great as far as your concerned, but not her? Sex is emotional for women and if the emotional needs are out of whack, you aint gettin any.

[perch101]

Hmmm - could be one of a couple of things-
- It could be a delayed reaction to the pill, or is she depressed or stressed out? This can affect libido
-She may just have a low libido and this is how she is, and at the start of the relationship she wanted to please you so she had sex more reguarly, but now that she's more comftorable she dosen't make the effort.

If you ALWAYS have to make the first move and often get rejected sexually, then I can see how this is a problem. And once a month is really not a lot! You really will have to have a talk with her - explain how it really affects you to get turned down again and again and always having to be the one to initiate. Ask her if she wants to fix this issue - because if she dosen't and really dosen't care to address it or help to change to address your needs then there really isn't much you can do - and you'll need to decide if you can be happy in a relationship where sex is only once a month, and always initiated by you.
Good luck.

[chomma]

Thank you for your response.

She has been using this pill before we started dating and she had a higher sex drive a few months back, so I dont see how the pill can have such an impact now and not before?

Thanks for your input, much appreciated.

[perch101]

You mention that she is on the pill and this has lowered her sex drive, and the pill can certainly do this to some women. Why don't you discuss alternative methods of birth control - then her libido may increase?