Living with attempted suicide

[halber]

I have never looked into this aspect of my life. I had an arranged marriage and have been married now for 30 years. In the initial stages of my marriage I found my wife to have some delusions, which seemed to have gone away, but some two years later after our son was born she attempted suicide by taking rat poison which apparently did not work. One possible factor which I am only guessing was perhaps because of my sisters impending visit. I was shaken up and looked at this as something that could potentially have ruined my life and career. I have been careful and realise that any discussion could lead to fragile sitiautions.  I fear to disgree. I have brought up the topic just once and she has said that it will not happen. I dare say that we had a great sex lfe to start with, now 30 years later we live fairly happily with each other, but hardly have any sex. I started looking for paid sex outside my marriage now for some 15-17 years. I perform well and enjoy this more with some women. I know its not a perfect world am not looking for excuses. Is my looking for sex a potential addiction??? How can I manage the relationship better.

[slow_healer]

After 30 years I doubt that your wife can be fixed, so to speak. These problems have been present your entire marriage and you're only reaching out now. Your wife has been reaching out since her suicide attempt. What happened there? Did you get her into counselling? Did you try addressing what she felt was missing from her life? Is there trauma or abuse she suffered from prior to marrying you? IMO it sounds like she's been having trouble before you got married.

If you really want to make your marriage better, you and your wife need to be in healthy states of mind. I think for your wife, this may require much emotional support and probably counselling (as it sounds like whatever led to her attempting suicide years ago was never addressed or resolved). Learn to communicate with her. Don't just write off her feelings as delusions. If she doesn't feel like she can even talk to you about what upsets her, why would she ever want to be intimate with you? It's fairly safe to say that this generally applies to women across the board. Women don't feel passion for someone who intimidates them, doesn't listen to them, or doesn't communicate with them.

Being arranged to someone with obvious problems and suicidal thoughts is a HUGE load for anyone, especially if you don't how any idea of how to deal with it. It's not easy to know what is the best way to handle such an emotionally-charged situation (especially with someone you're just getting to know). Many people would react the way you have. However just know that there is help out there, including for family members of those who have attempted suicide. Chances are your wife is still depressed.

Is there a crisis line in your area? One you could call for advice. They may point you towards counselling services which may benefit you and your wife. And before you think, "there's nothing wrong with me, it's her", remember that you live with someone who has been suicidal, and now you're in a distant, depressing marriage. You're not made of stone. You are affected by this, and you deserve to have some better tools in dealing with it. Good luck! I really hope you made a strong, honest effort and that your wife will recognize it.

[RockRose]

Halber,  reading your post it appears you don't even talk to or have a relationship with  your wife.  You're guessing at why she attempted suicide,  and view her suicide as potentially ruining your life and career.  In 30 years you've only discussed this once and you almost never have sex.

I don't know specifically what culture you are from,  but is this kind of distance typical?