Girlfriend pregnant and want to be alone

[qotsa878]

My girlfriend found out she's 15 weeks pregnant. Iv'e been friends with her for years and I've always known she's liked me. The problem is when we started seeing each other we slept with each other like a week after she had last been with her ex. She left him because he was very abusive to her. So now we dont know who the father is.

I've fallen for her very quickly. When she told me she was pregnant I told her regardless if its mine or not I'll stay with her. Her face lit up and everything was going fine. Until a few days later she called me crying saying she cant do this to me and its going to ruin my life. She always been insecure and has me built up like I'm too good for her and she's afraid people will call her a ***** if she's with a man that might not be the father. So she wanted to be alone through this. Shes also afraid I would leave her when she around 8 months pregnant.

We kept talking for about a week and this was very painful  because I want to stay with her. I feel we have something special because of our history. So i told her to take time and think if she wants me to stay, and if she wants to be friends I'll respect her decision but im not going to be able to talk to her for a while until i get over these feelings. I thought at the time it would be good so she could think it over instead of stressing and crying which isn't good for the baby.

I feel I made a huge mistake giving her an ultimatum. She was already stressed and I feel it was insensitive. I apologized but she got really upset and says she doesn't want to speak to me anymore and how i never cared about her feelings. Its been a week since we spoke and I think about her everyday.

I know her hormones are going to make her more emotional, but I cant go on not speaking to her. Some advise from pregnant women would help. Should I leave her alone until the baby's born or should I try and contact her again? even if i cant be with her I don't want to just throw our friendship away.

[Kayannaboo]

It sounds to me like she is feeling a bit guilty and that perhaps she doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for her. She might be worrying that she is taking advantage of you and that makes her bad person. Also, is she the type of person who is known to stay in unhealthy relationships? You mentioned that she was in an abusive relationship, are her relationship with friends and family rocky as well? The reason I ask is that, for persons who are used to being on bumpy rides as it concerns the way they relate to others, its hard for them to accept people like you. It feels strange. They are so used to the heavy and intense that when smooth and caring comes along they have a hard time accepting it. It may be that, it seems too good to be true and they would constantly be waiting on the other shoe to drop, or they feel so unstable, as if they have nothing to offer and would constantly be making the other person miserable or dragging them down.

She seems hormonal, true, but she seems to be a bit depressed as well. I cannot imagine it being easy not knowing who the father of your child is and this is wearing heavily on her. It cannot be good for her self esteem and the way she views herself at the moment. Be patient with her and stick with her, she needs you even though she will swear up and down she doesn't. Let her know that she doesn't need to put a label on your relationship right now, to just think of you as the person who is by her side.

If she is lying, as others think she might be, the truth will be revealed eventually.


Stay sweet.


xoxoxoxoxo Anna

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, she certainly DOES sound hormonal, emotional . . .  unstable? Maybe a little bit.  I don't know if she is pregnant, I don't know if it is yours or her ex's, I don't know how this will end.   But it is dramatic. I don't love drama in my life.  Makes me tired.  Makes me nervous.  Makes me spend all my time thinking about the situation that is dramatic and I have other things I need to think about in life.  So, I just bring this up because not everyone is suited for the anxiety of a dramatic relationship.  You do have a chance right now to save yourself from it.  I would think about this.  

I agree with above to sit tight and give her her space.  She sounds quite confused and maybe there is even something going on that you don't know about (like a resurfacing of the ex?).  If she comes back to you and is acting normal, you can resume things if you wish.  If she doesn't and does actually end up having a baby, you can ask to have this baby tested for paternity to see if it is yours.  

but you can't force her to be with  you so you did the right thing by sending her off to figure herself out.  And i wouldn't contact her but let her think.

I do wish you luck.  You do seem like such a nice nice guy.   I hope everything works out for you (with as little drama as possible.)  Peace

[RockRose]

My guess is,  pretty soon she'll announce that she's had a miscarriage.

[RockRose]

What proof do you have that she's actually pregnant?

[AnnieBrooke]

You don't have a lot to worry about.  Even if during pregnancy she is all hormonal, all you need to do is let her know you'll be there when it's OK with her to let you in, and pretty soon she will.  Either during the pregnancy or after the baby is born, she's going to feel pretty alone.  The first year is tougher than during pregnancy.

[lizancar]

Wow you are so sweet. I say dont give up! Just keep calmand try to deal with the hormones lol

[squirt11]

I'm not saying this is the situation, but i know from past expirences that some women play games. she may be completly legit but i guess if your not talking to her that much, how do you know another senario hadnt popped up? like her ex stepped back into the picture and she likes that situation more than staying with you.. or maybe she met someone else? but regardless, of all the game-playing I've watched, girls do it so they don't have to hurt the guy. I'm not saying that's what's going on, and i hope its not but from a strangers point of view thats kind of what it looks like, good luck! i hope things work out for the best!