Long Time Long Distance..? help :/

[youngguy800]

Hey all,

     I am a 23 year old gay male, recent college grad, jobless, trying to figure out my next step, aka higher education. I am in my hometown living above my parents until I figure out my next move (depressing). I have been accepted to medical school in my hometown, but am unhappy here due to the fact that I am in the closet here and everyone (older generation speaking) knows me and my family. Not to mention my dating pool is more of a puddle here. So i deferred my acceptance and am taking a year out of the game to consider other options. I have been dating an 18 year old for about 3 months. eeesh that sounds worse in writing. We got super serious super fast as it was nice to find someone who has things in common with me in terms of dating and religious standards. He is moving 3-4 hours away to start college. He wants to stay together "no matter what" but I am more apprehensive and trying to be logical but know that I am not level headed at the moment. I am tempted to move where he is headed and start a master's program in hopes of getting into the medical school there, orrr applying to vet school in my college town where I still have a lot of friends and family and dating options and can be more of myself (and is only 1.5-2 hrs away from said boy).. I have year of nothing to do so I need to fill the time somehow somewhere until I commit to a career path. I feel like I sound completely crazy as I am suddenly unsure about my career and all other aspects of my life.. If i was more certain about what i wanted career wise, I would definitely go that route.. but nothing is worth ending up alone or jeopardizing finding a serious partner... honestly I am ready to settle down with someone but it is beyond hard to find someone compatible as a gay in the south. Online dating is treacherous and strains existing relationships but seems to be a necessary evil. Any words of wisdom. I am expecting to be called a fool haha

[Nighthawk61]

maybe what you need to do is tell your parent's and allow them to lovingly support them, if you get any walls, it's okay , it's not going to change your future if you don't let it , time to move on with their blessings , you deserve to be able to tell, and they deserve to be told hopefully, i mean , if my son wasn't able to tell me he was gay by 23, I'd be so upset that he didn't allow me to be his mom (liz)

[Nighthawk61]

Don't waste any more time where you are that you're not happy, move on to greener pastures, where would best suit you, the east or west schools?  you can't follow an 18 year old, your words. get on checking out the options and make a decision where you're going to be going to school. I see a great young man whose going to make fast clear predictions about where he has the best chance to be happy. You can do it. Is there anyone that you trust as a life coach? There's must be some incredible life coaches that you might talk to, where you are ......... Your in a strong position son, if what you are is a clear headed 23 rd old on his way to med school. You deserve the best place for you to grow , and i say head to an outed college town like san fran or new york city ? that's the first two places i would go, if i had the guts. liz , respectfully guy, ps i've got one son 25, and as hard as it would be for me, i might let him go, prayerfully, knowing that he had many true brothers and sisters  , working together progressively on their lives , and their politics , and being heard and respected and married, wouldn't you?

[specialmom]

Just take a little time and do a bit of soul searching.  Meditate on it.  Sounds weird  but sometimes when I quiet my head and really think----  thoughts of what to do come to me.  good luck and let us know what you decide.  peace

[youngguy800]

They do not know I am gay.. I am sure they have an idea though since I have never dated any women. They would not approve but at the same time they couldn't stop me and I doubt they would cut me out.

I agree I feel like my career is the most important. I am just stuck on that in its own regard. I just need to jump on one path and go with it. I think either would suit me for differing reasons.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, here is my honest advice:  i'd sort out your career path and education as your top priority.  Your decisions right now will last through your entire life most likely so you want to be very careful about which way you go.  (no pressure . . . ha ha).  But now is the time to set yourself up later.  We spend a lot of time at our jobs so you want to do something that will make you the most happy.  If you desire going to med school------  then apply to the colleges you want to go to.  And begin as soon as possible to whichever situation sounds best.  If your home town isn't appealing, then apply to several places elsewhere.  And like I said, go at the earliest possible time.  If your old college will have you back to vet school and taking care of animals would make you happy, then this is a wonderful career as well.  

The one thing I wouldn't do is follow your boyfriend, a new romance, make due with some school that you really aren't interested in in order to get in med school there later.

Think of your career right now.  Your love life will come together, I promise.  do your parents know you are gay?