Long term relationship going anywhere?

[Jozie77]

Hi All

Just found this forum and was wondering if I could get some advice as I don't really have anyone else to talk to.  I have been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years now and we have bought a house together and have been living together for the last 6 months or so.  Our relationship is like any other, we have our ups and downs but for the most part we are both quite happy.  We are both very career driven and neither of us want children at the moment (I am 30 he is 32) so that isn't an issue.  Generally we agree on most large issue ie finances, ethics, morals etc.  The problem is I just don't know where this relationship will go from here.  Don't get me wrong I love him to bits and him me and he is my best friend, but call me old fashioned but at some stage I would like to get married.  Even though for all intents and purposes we act like a married couple.  Whenever we discuss marriage (which isn't often as it just leaves a funny strain between us) he says that he isn't 100% sure that it is what he wants.  I mean he knows or thinks that at some stage in his life he wants to get married but sometimes wonders whether I am the one he wants to marry.  And then somedays he thinks that I am definately the person he wants to marry.  I suppose if I am honest with myself I go through the same thing depending on how our relationship is at the time.  He also says that he doesn't know how he would live without me.  He is a very intellectual, lives in his own head type of person, who never makes any decision lightly so I don't expect him to make this one lightly either.  I just don't know if I should get out sooner rather than later, even though it would break my heart.

Any thoughts or advice welcome.

[jo929]

there have been so many that have this problem, and at some point, the man will think, i am not married, so he thinks i can move on, You may not like my opion, but 4 years is a long time for a relationship , and if he does not want marriage by now,you can see the writing on the wall, but the more you mention it the more he will look away,if he is not in the mood by now he will  never be , if you really want to know, just give him a choice just say I have decided that it is marriage or i am leaving and going on with my life, you will know for sure then and not have to wonder.  lots luck  jo

[RockRose]

Jozie,  I think you need to decide what you want,  and not just kind of wonder what he wants.

Do you want children?  Maybe you don't,  maybe you don't know,  maybe you do.  If you know you do,  time's ticking,  girl.  I know the old adage is there's time for everything,  but fertility problems set in for women right about now.  You are approaching the end of when you can expect to get pregnant and carry a child without a lot of medical intervention.

A lot of women put off having children as something to do "in the future" and then are shocked and dismayed that a first time pregnancy after the age of 32 or so is difficult.

Best wishes.  At 30 you probably know more about what you want than you are really indicating here,  you are just kind of allowing for any outcome based on what he wants.