Lost In his Own World, and forgetting the real World.

[TIddums]

Hey, Right not too long ago my boyfriend Packed in his job, for what I thought was the best, because he hated it and I was getting the whiplash. Only His now stuck on the Dole, not making any effort to find a job or do voluntary work, even though I try to encourage it and help, and He says he really wants to. This is only the start. His also hooked the the Game Warcraft, which is fine while I'm working but his now playing it from when he wakes to when he goes to sleep, and only moves for a shower and loo. It will go for days where I don't have a conversation with him, because even when he appears to be in one, his not actually listening or anything, which is then leaving me to feel invisible and undervalued. I've tried explaining and when I do it will stop for a day or two, but then his back to it, and ignoring my existence again. This is made worse by the fact that recently I found my Auntie is dying from cancer, my nan's health has therefore also got worse, and my uncle has a heart problem, that his not telling all about either. So when I need him the most, is when he seems to be at his furthest. Not to mention the lack of physical either.

Please any advice no matter how small or big, or just anyone in a similar situation wants to talk, I'll be grateful. Just need some guidance on the best way to approach this and get him motivated with life, because sometimes I worry his just going to get so lost in this world it will end in isolation and depression or something.

Thanks for the help or even just reading.

[sherisheri]

Thanx I needed to hear that its okay to expect all these things from your partner

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm sorry to hear this.  This would be so unattractive to me in a boyfriend!!  I like ambition.  I like maturity.  I like a sense of responsibility.  It would appear there is a lack of these things in your boyfriend.

In truth, he may be depressed.  He's spending his day with an addiction---  make no doubt about the fact that anyone that uses video games to that extent is deep in an addiction and avoiding the world.  That he's also quit his job, is tuning you out, is not doing things with people and avoiding all emotion by emmersing himself in a video game are all good signs that he is having emotional problems.

The issues is though . . .  unless he is willing to look at that and see it all as a problem, he will continue to along this path.  Ugh, I wouldn't live with that.  Period.

It may take you setting up a boundary.  Your saying that he works like you do or you can't continue. That he limits his video games to maybe an hour a day (I mean, more than that is not healthy in ANY way.  What a horrible waste of time!).  Set up clear and hold to it.  If you think it is 'okay' to play video games the whole time you are at work. . .  you certainly aren't setting the bar very high for your partner and when we have a low bar set, we often don't have much of a partner.  So, it starts with you understanding you deserve a guy that is more mature and capable than this.

If he is depressed, he needs to see his doctor and begin treatment.  Respect yourself by demanding more from a partner than this.  good luck