Love

[boogiefly]

Hello again. You guys are probably tired of giving me advice, but I just need to get some perspective. Is it possible to love someone too much. I feel like if I loved my boyfriend less, my feelings wouldn't get hurt so often, and we wouldn't fight and things would always be great...for the most part.  I'm afraid to tell him when he hurts my feelings. He says I'm a b about it. I don't know.

[specialmom]

No, it shouldn't be that way. You are right.  It is a step in the right direction to see that.  Keep moving along the path of having the kind of relationship that you want and deserve but also work on the neediness that over takes you.  good luck

[boogiefly]

Thank you both. I have taking tutorials on self worth and confidence, am I am conflicted because the more I learn to be myself and love myself, the more I think I might be making a mistake in being with him; I feel like there is someone else out there for him. I feel like I deserve a different type of relationship. One that isn't held to certain standards. He says I can be myself, that he loves me for who I am, but I fear he just thinks he can't do an better, and stays with me for that reason. I have told him this and he denies it. But I want him to be happy. But the difference now is that I want to be happy too. Not be reminded constantly that I screwed up our relationship, or feel like if I don't measure up to certain expectations. It shouldn't be that way.

[specialmom]

I agree.  A mature relationship is about interdependence. That means you count on one another but are not independent from them or dependent on them.  I feel like your dependence on him for your sense of self is a symptom of a bigger issue.  Look within to develop who YOU are without him.  Otherwise, you feel like you need him to be you and that is dangerous.  Then you become angry, controling and fearful.  

I think learning how to express yourself in a positive and productive way with him will also be helpful.  Wish you luck.

[mami1323]

I'm sorry to say boogiefly, your relationship is not about love.  Real love isn't about being in fear of expressing your feelings.  It is fine to love someone but you are completely absorbed in your boyfriend.  I feel like you have no independence at all and you revolve your life around him and your relationship.  That is not healthy.  Go back in your other posts and re-read my advice.  It will always be the same.