Honestly, not being brutal, but you are trying to CHANGE your husband into something he doesn't want to be or isn't willing to be. I think he is very comfortable with a low sex drive and the minimal amout of sex. I am sure the low testosterone level and the working alot of hours doesn't help matters, but I think he was like this the WHOLE time you. He might have put more effort into having the amount of sex that you wanted WHILE you all were dating and even that DIP over time.
Secondly, you KNEW this was an issue BEFORE you married the man too. So, if this was so important to you why would you marry someone who was not going to be sexual compatible with you?
As long as he doesn't see this as an issue and you do there isn't much to be done about this except you accepting this or leaving.
May I ask......Are you having sex at all?
Let me be clearer, I knew he was working a lot before we got married but I took the little amount of sex we were having being the reason and nothing more. When we were dating we had a conversation about how some couples get married and push sex aside and we agreed this was not the type of people we were. I thought i was asking all the questions that mattered in a partner to me before i got married but here we are.
Yes we still have sex about once every month or two but its quick like 3 minutes.
He also watches porn by himself which i told him isn't helping the situation. He says, "you're probably right" but he keeps on watching. You're probably wondering if he's maturbating and no he isn't. Hes never been that type of guy but says he just likes to watch it. I dont mind because i like watching it too. But im resentful that he's watching and it doesn't have a positive advantage towards our relationship. He doesn't even get errect. I feel if he watched it less, his errections may come more often.
Im thinking we should go to a sex therapist oppose to a family counselor like we had before.
Just a suggestion.... besides what he has been trying, has he looked into a more aggressive treatment, like hormone injections? A single buddy of mine was on his last limb. It took every single ounce of energy he had to pull his butt out of bed and make it to work. (This guy is a ladies man, and all of a sudden he cared less about sex, women, work, his life in general.)
We went to a new doc and had some tests. Tests proved that he had very low testosterone. Doc put him on a daily injection and this guy is back now, more than ever.
Hey, I am with you about the sex therapist dear.....that sounds very logical in your situation. There is a combination of things going on here and they all are surrounding sex. I don't think this is just a "testosterone" issue alone. Would he be willing to go?
1-2x/month and for only 3 minutes?......I can see where you would be "frustrated."
I would be very concerned about the fact he is watching "porn" alone and is disconnecting more with you in regards to sex.
Nothing else significant is going on in your marriage in regards to issues?
In a males opinion, do you think a man would preferr a male or female for a sex therapist?
For me, it doesn't make any difference. Before I went to a therapist about my depression and other issues, I didn't want to speak to ANY therapist. I think that stands in the way of most men. We like to think that we can handle our own issues.... turns out, that's not the truth and can be risky/dangerous.
When I finally went to a therapist, (both of mine were female, neither of which I got to choose. both were assigned to my case) I was just glad to be addressing the issue.
Therapy, by the way is a wonderful idea....
We have gone to our first counseling session at a Relationship and Sex Institute. We are planning to go to our 2nd one this Thursday. I think we are on the right track and in the end I hope that we turn out okay.
Good on you! It is a start and these things can gain a little momentum. I too think you are on the right track and at least you're giving this a shot.
Keep us informed, and good luck.
Keep us posted dear.
All the best.