Hello, I really need your help to give me advice on my situation. This is a very long post I hope you have the time to read it all I will appreciate it a lot.
I have been married now for 10 years to my husband, we have 2 kids that are now 5 years old that I love more than anything. I have wanted to leave my husband for years before I even met this other man, I have fought hard those 10 years for our relationship but during it I told him many times I am leaving him due to his terrible attitude, he promised to change each time, begging me to stay, and each time I did. I gave him so many chances but he refuse to change. He has neglected me my whole marriage, it got so bad that there were problems with our baby when I was pregnant, I raised our kids on my own while he plays games 16 hours a day. I was never looked after but I tried to understand him. He is always breaking things when mad and at one point physically struck me. Our children have not lived with us for years, currently living with his aunt.
He has threatened my family and anything bad that happens to them, even death, he tells me they deserved it. He tells me he still loves me and refuses to let me go and crying in his room every day. I cannot report anything to the police because I live in a third world country where the police will not help my situation. I just want to be free, I don't want to revenge him or give him trouble. I cannot divorce, I have no money to afford it but my husband can, he won't though. I have asked him to go to marriage counselling with me but he refuse, says we don't need it, that he has done nothing wrong and that it's all my fault. (This i before I met the other guy). I have always been blamed my entire marriage for everything. He tells me I am the one with a bad attitude, that I'm lucky to have him because all other men are worse. Sadly I actually believed him for a long time. I was so young and he is much older. My family have a lot of bad experience with men. I haven't told any of my family about the way he treats me, I do not want to hurt them, they think he is a perfect husband and happy for me.
Fast forward many years I then met this guy who at the time we're just close friends, but after a long period of time I learn he is the person who has everything I want in a man, I feel so in love and so happy every time I think of him, and he feels the same way. He knows my situation and supports me through it, he doesn't want me to rush anything, and that I need to make the decision on my own. Maybe you will ask, "How can you be sure he is serious and loves you?". I know this in my heart, he would never cheat on me and leave me, our bond is stronger than I have ever felt with my husband even when I was in love with him at the start. We have not had sex, and though we want to he will not allow it while I'm still in this relationship and it makes me love him more he won't take advantage or using me as some sort of thrill.
Now here is where the big problems start. I have of course talked with my husband about all of our past but he refuses to take any responsibility for what he's done and blames this other man for our entire relationship ruined. When in my eyes, it was ruined before I met this man. My husband knows I love this guy, and I was honest about everything that's going on.
After I told him the truth my husband started dating other women, going to her home and taking her out places. I guess it was a rebound because now he's no longer talking to her and he is starting to change everything who he was. He is buying me gifts and being nice to me, he really change after all these years of abuse, neglect, physical and emotional pain he caused me. I would cry every night for years and only now he is doing something. Now I feel it's too late, because I love someone else, someone my husband already has seen in person, but we had no feelings for each other at that point of time.
He threatens to kill him for stealing me and if I go with him, he also threatens to kill himself if I leave. He blames everything on this person, even though he was not part of our life for all those years of my pain. In fact my life has only started being happy thanks to him, and my husband only started to change once I already fall for this other man. Without this man entering my life my husband would not have changed at all. Apart from my children, who aren't living with us for years, this man is the reason I am so happy. I actually wake up with a smile on my face which hasn't happened for 8 years. Sometimes I think the worst but the thought of being with this other guy and my children keep me strong.
I've told this man every detail my husband has done to me all these years, so much that I can't cover in this post. I could write an entire book. He knows what my husband would do to him but he said if he have the chance to make me happy, even a small chance we can be together, he would risk everything. Maybe we are just crazy, like Romeo and Juliet but we all know how that ended.
Do you think it's wrong of me to leave my husband? He is now a hard worker, never cheated, and has supported me and our children all these years.
I am tired of life with him, every time I see him I feel repulsed. I just want to be with the person I love and who has been there for me more in 1 month than my husband has in 10 years. He has never complained, never treat me badly or hurt me in any way. I can't believe he exists, I have never met someone more caring and concerned for my well being.
Do you think I could be with this other man or is it a doomed relationship? I can't lose him, he is the reason for everything that makes me happy, cutting him off I know would be the biggest regret of my life. We were friends for a long time prior, he was just always there for me, he never tried to steal me, he even tried to help my relationship with my husband by giving great advice to try and save my marriage before we had feelings for another. I could come to him for anything, because every time I want to talk things over with my husband he just gets mad at me, shouts and breaks things. He believes he is never wrong.
Eventually I got to know this guy and I fell in love, we both did, and had no plan for this to happen. This guy accepts all of my past and accepts my children, and that he would treat them as his own. All through my marriage I never looked at another man, men call me, talk to me all the time and I dismiss them always because marriage is very important to me, but it's gotten to a point that the marriage is too hurtful for me to continue. My husband was never like this at first, he was the sweetest man and it's why I fall for him in the first place, but he changed into this bad attitude person that I didn't recognize shortly after we married. I feel I am trapped.
What are your thoughts about my situation, am I right and should leave, or I am terribly wrong, my husband is right and should stay?
How would this affect my children, would their life be destroyed if I leave him? That's the last thing I want to do. If not for my children I would already given up the relationship years ago, but I worry so much they will hate me forever, and ruin their life. He might tell them I don't love them and I left them cause I don't care which is completely false because I care so much about them.
I don't know what to do, please give advice. If you can't then please give your personal honest opinion on my situation,