Married with kids but in love with another man what should I do?

[nannon88]

I have been married to my husband for 5 years now but have been together for a total of 9 years. Young love. Fell in love at 19. Got married at 25 and had kids. At the beginning of our relationship my husband cheated on me I forgave him as hard as that was for me I still forgave him. Well come to find out he cheated on me 11 times. I forgave him and that was in the past so I had to let that go. A couple years go by and he wants me to sleep with another man because that's what turns him on. I have never wanted to do anything like that because it's just not me. One year he convinced me to let a guy join in with us he only went down on me I was too uncomfortable. So we didn't do that again. We talked about it because that what gets my husband in the mood. It really bothered me though. I was in love with my husband so I would do anything for him. I didn't get the same kinda love in return. He told me he loved me just never showed it. We would fight about this a lot. I have recently given up. He wanted me to try to sleep with another man again so we went on tinder found a guy and I meet up with him and I had sex with him. Came home and told my husband about the story. He was thrilled. He wanted me to do it the next night but I didn't do it then again the following night. Well the guy didn't receive my text so the next day my husband still wanted me to go out with this guy so I meet up with him that night and we spent 3 hours together. The first 1 hour and a half we had sex and the rest of the time we talked. I haven't had this much fun in years. This guy seems to perfect. Anyways I go home and tell my husband about the night and he sensed that I really enjoyed myself. So now my husband doesn't want to do this again because he doesn't want to loose me and now after 9 years of being together he wants to treat me right. I cannot get this guy off my mind. I don't want anything to do with my husband now because I'm so disgusted by what he makes me go through by loving him and not getting it back. I don't look at him the same. He wanted me to stop talking to this guy. I said I would. But I have not stopped talking to him. This happened for a reason. I have fallen for him now. He doesn't want to fall in love with a married person though. I know I love this guy and that I'm not in love with my husband anymore and I haven't been but I have stayed with him because of our children. I know that I don't want to be with him anymore. But I don't know how to do this or how to go about this or what to do. I don't have family that lives close he has family that lives 2 hours away. I'm also a stay home mom. Does anybody have any advice for me?

[specialmom]

You have a right to leave your relationship if you feel your husband's habitual cheating is too much to overcome in terms of moving past it.  But it is not wise to start anything else with any other man while still in this marriage.  Rarely do relationships that start this way last anyway because A. infidelity is something that the new man now knows you are capable of and he deep down will always have distrust in you.  B.  He's the kind of man that is with a married man that speaks to character issues.  

Loving someone knew that you have limited true experience with (like spending lots of time together) when you are vulnerable because you are hurt and angry about a cheating husband is really not realistic.  Ugh, I'm sure you hate to hear that.  But it's fantasy.  

You should figure out what kind of work you will do as a single mom (please have no expectation of picking up from one house and moving to another seemlessly ).  Explore what kinds of jobs you can get right now or if you will need college or job training.  Get that plan together.  Moving to your parents would make sense.  NOT to the other man's if he is offering.  

You need time on your own to sort things out.  Straight to another man, again, rarely works out.  But you don't have to stay married either to someone you can't trust or don't want to be with anymore.  But this means reshaping your life and how you do things.  good luck

[RDVW]

Hard to say. Why is your husband doing this? How was his childhood? Start asking questions. Tell him to get help. This is not normal. Try to save your marriage. You're in control now. Remember this. YOU are in control now. And if you really want to leave: don't do anything stupid. Don't leave without planning ahead. How old are the kids? Get a job. Get an income. Start saving in case you really have to, or want to, leave...