Molested as a child

[pdr7686]

I was molested as a child from a very close family member and some of my mother's b/f. I was only 7-8 years old. My mom knew nothing about this until just recently and I am now 47 y/o. I shut myself off from the world and stayed in my bedroom with the door closed. As I became older, I became a Nurse's Assistant and worked at a hospital. Unfortunately, I had several of the men she dated come in sick and I had to take care of them. Some of them did not have family members that come to see them and when they come to the stage they could not care for themselves I would have to bathe, shave, and etc... them. This was extremely nerve racking. You see I am Bi-Polar with Major Depression, Panic Attacks,etc... Of course, I am anti-social. I suppose this come from closing myself off but you would think that a mother would know if something was wrong with their child. She wants to say "it is not true."

[mistygurl]

i realy hope the counseling will work for you..          take care.

[pdr7686]

Thank you all for your responses to my problem. I am in counseling and have been for a long time. I have had several therapist but the one I have right now is the only one that I have been able to open up to. I feel my mom does not want to believe it. I have always been the "black sheep in the family (not meaning any harm) I have NEVER met up to any of her expectations. I have a brother and sister. They, esp. my brother, can do know wrong. That is okay.
All of you have been so sweet and comforting to me. Thanks! God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May the Lord shine down on you and your loved ones.

[gracielove8]

No, i'm not a parent... and i'd like to think that i'd notice if my child was withdrawn and unresponsive... and i do agree that it's not quite normal for a child to spend all their time alone...
this may sound really wierd, but sometimes being happy is making a decision to be happy... it's learning to put aside and get rid of negative feelings (in a healthy way) and to be content in any circumstance... i'm not saying it's easy, but this is what i've done with my life... i made a decision long ago that i couldn't let the circumstances that brought me to where i am get me down... i'm only 22 years old and i see the person who molested me on a regular basis... i know that he's gotten help in the form of counceling... he now has a little girl who is the sweetest baby...
if i let myself focus on only the bad things that have happened in my life i would never be able to move past them to try and find happiness...if i spent all my time focusing on being molested, there would be no way for me to get up every day and to live a normal life... one of the things that helped me was forgiving the person who did this to me... if you can let go of some of the bitterness against those who have hurt you (including your mother) i think that you'll find that you can breathe easier and maybe find some contentment... it's not an easy thing to do, but it is doable...
try to focus on the things in your life that are good... look to see if you can find any good that has come out of your bad situations.... like for instance have you been able to be there for someone else because you know what their pain is like?... have you been able to hold someones' hand and tell them that you know what they are going through?...
try to see the good side of things and stop thinking only of all the things that people have done to bring you down... take a look around you and notice the people who care for you (or the one's who try to show that they care but can't because you won't let them) and then let them give you a hug and let them show you that they are there for you...

[teko]

Take your life back and quit being a victim. This may sound harsh but lifes a bi%ch and then you grow old and die anyway. You are 47 years old and it is very very sad that you had a childhood such as yours but, that was then and this is now and tomorrow is tomorrow .  How long are you going to let yesterday ruin today or tomorrow? Counseling is a good thing but for it to work you have to want it to.  Remember what it is like to make formations out of clouds? or to cherish the fact that the sun was shining and you lived another day to see it.  Many of us have been where you are but at some point we just have to come face to face with it and decide if is going to continue to rule our lives. I say no! You need to say no also.

[freebird227]

Hi it's frebird. I wondered when you were going to come clean with this and get the validation and support you so deserve. You know...We're only as sick as our secrets. If you take 10 women surrering from depression and panic attacke you will find 8 of those women were in some manner sexually abused. The truth will set you free but first it will **** you off. Don't look to those who for whatever reason cannot or wil not validate your truth. I'm praying for you

[Agiesmom]

I am so sorry for all that you have been through.

I'm not going to make excuses for your mother--she was wrong.  She should have been more concerned about you, more aware, less self-absorbed, etc.  She wasn't.

Either she is still self-absorbed and selfish, which would make her incapable of seeing things from your perspective, or she sees it and it's too painful for her to face right now.  Admitting she now sees what was going on, and realizes she did nothing to stop it, would force her to look at her own failures.  Denial is obviously the easier route for her and one she's choosing at this point.  I don't think that your trying to convince her of anything will do anything besides make you feel worse.

If her refusal to acknowledge what you went through is making life more difficult for you right now, maybe avoiding contact with her for a while would be helpful to you?  Has your counselor made any suggestions about this?

[pdr7686]

Thanks for your response and I am sorry you had to experience this also. It is really hard knowing the fact she does not believe me. I do not know if you are a parent or not but if your child stayed in their bedroom all the time with their door closed wouln't you think something most me wrong with them? I know times are different now than they were back then. At the age of 38 I got married and he raped me. I told him to" get out of my house and to never come back."That marriage only lasted 1 1/2years. I will not have anything to do with anyone and will not for the rest of my days. I am sorry I am telling you all this but it is really bothering me right now. I do not know why it is this way or what is wrong with me.

[pdr7686]

I do not know what made me post this on line. This is one of the things I am struggling with. I am in counseling right now and of course I am on Medications for my mental issues. Thanks

[gracielove8]

i am so sorry to hear of your suffering... to be honest, i think that no parent truly wants to believe that they were blind to their own child's suffering and that because of their inablitiy to see what was really happening, that these problems continued to happen.... i also believe that no matter how much people want to feel bad for you and offer their sympathy, nothing is really going to make you feel better until you can resolve some of these issues... from the time i was about 5 until i was about 10 i was molested by someone in my family...  suffice to say that it all came out when i was 11 because the person had been gone for over a year and was visiting on christmas vacation... this person tried to pick up where they left off and by then i had gotten used to not having anyone mess with me.... to make a long story short... i went through about 6 months of counceling that did help, but were also an agony to live through... it wasn't till i met another girl who was going through the same situation though that i was finally able to put my painful past to rest.. this may not make sense, but by helping my friend through her pain and troubles, i was actually able to get rid of some of  my own pain and feelings of bitterness....
i can't imagine what it is like for you to be faced in such a way with the people who so badly hurt you and to have your mother not believe you... i strongly recommend finding someone who can help you through this time... ... i have no idea if this will help you, but i hope that you will feel encouraged and know that you are not the only one who has gone through something like this....