Is there any solution to this problem...i know all about having made a lot of mistakes like being over protecting ..trying to provide because the father was absent etc etc what is the sokution if there is any
I am glad I found this website. My relationship with my son has been a roller coaster since he graduated from high school. He blames his father and I for everything that didnt work out for him. He feels that his father didnt show him enough love and support and I was overbearing and smothered him, did too much for him and caused his anger issues. He had a baby while he was in college and we did everything in the world to help him. He resents how close his daughter and I are. He is so angry at the ex-girlfriend (babys mom) for everything. He never lets the past stay in the past. He is just as angry today as he was 8 years ago. He has told me in the past that he is very lucky that he had me to help him thru really bad times in his life. He has acknowledged that he took his anger out on me because he knew I would always love him no matter what. He has acknowledged to my daughter that he has been horrible to me and regrets it. You would think with this insight he would not still treat me like he does. He acts like I am such a bother and burden. If I call him because Im trying to make plans for something, he acts like he cant stand to speak to me. When we are together in a group of people he acts like I turn his stomach. Like he cant stand the sight of me. I have learned that the harder I try, the more annoyed with me he gets. I know Im all over the place with this. But back a few years ago when he was having a hard time and so angry after he blew up and cussed me out and had a fit about something, at least there was times when I could see my little boy in there. Now, things have settled for him. Things are good with his work, with new relationship, his daughter is awesome, you would think he would not still show so much resentment toward me. It hurts more than anything I could ever imagine, the looks or the comments he gives me. He just doesnt like me at all. I have probably ruined my health somewhat. I am an emotional wreck. I worry about everything. A bottle of wine helps me forget how sorry I feel for myself and how much I love and miss my only son. Now, having said all this and after reading other mom's struggles and comments, I know Ive got to start living my life for me and distance myself. I'm not going to have the relationship that I want. Ive got to let him set the boundaries and learn to live within them.
I'm really glad I stumbled upon this website, your stories are very much the same. I was a young mother,his father was abusive. I left him when my son was only five. Now my son is resentful after rekindling his relationship with his father 30 years later.
I was always very close with my son. My daughter-in-law is a little bit iffy she totally turned against me and started exposing herself to my boyfriend... I had to back away and protect my son from this activity, I immediately ended my relationship with a boyfriend and tried to talk to my daughter in law. she lied to my son and now he hates me. I haven't been able to see my grandchildren for 5 years. Like these other persons telling their story; the pain is unbearable, I have done myself work for Mind Body Spirit and I feel good about myself and my life.
I have a few supportive friends but they have their own lives.
I am by myself for the holidays I continue to send loving messages and pictures to my son, no response.
So I say enough is enough I remove myself from this pain and go on with my life, and forget that I have a family and maybe someday my granddaughter will contact me.
At times over the years, I felt I have no purpose for life, now I give myself permission to cry... I love me for taking the high road.
My son has become the abusive jerk like his dad.
In the last several years, is there anyone at all that he has a close, loving relationship with?
Savvyae, what does he say? It seems like he must have said something to indicate what is making him unhappy with you. Whether it's valid or even happened is one thing - but it seems like he must have indicated what makes him distant from you?
I'm glad I stumbled into this community and appreciate everyone's sincerity and honesty. I'm 67, mother of a 32 year old son. We are on very rocky ground, especially since Christmas, and particularly since late Mother's Day. We communicate rarely and briefly now. I'm a retired lawyer, raised him alone and he has an alcoholic, angry father with whom he gets along well and spent regular time with always. He has a graduate degree and a great job with a tech company.
Our relationship was extremely fraught from 8th grade straight through until after his graduate degree: almost no time hanging out together, communicating rarely after he went away for college, horribly frosty or harsh 'visits' for Christmas. BTW I've apologized profusely for the unspecified-by-him whatever he doesn't like about me or what I've done or not done.
We have never had classic fights or raised our voices other than briefly a couple of times. He walks away or refuses to listen or 'engage' if I brought something up or whined about how he treated me, by email or in person. Nothing seemed amiss between us to others. He got mad at me often, sneered, was critical, passive aggressive, lied, about money mostly, while I was paying for college. He moved from L.A. grad school to his San Francisco job, and suddenly we had 4 years of nice times, us visiting each other, going out to dinners, hikes, bike rides, and he called often.
The 2015 Christmas visit, bringing his new and first true-love, was yucky for me; I hardly saw them, he was critical, judgmental and rude outside of her presence. Our calls and emails almost vanished, and were fakey. He abruptly invited me out for Mother's Day to their new apartment. With some pleasant times, it was often unpleasant. They left me alone a lot, like suddenly at 6 p.m. saying they were 'going out' for the night, and like girlfriend spending hours in their bedroom, door closed. By Sunday night I realized the accumulated awfulness as we all faked niceness. When he drove me to the airport Monday we had a brief, hostile conversation after I said I felt he was in a tough spot because his mom and the love of his life still hadn't had a conversation after 3 weekends around each other, and that I wouldn't be coming back for awhile til they got more used to their life together, or something.... He said a list of harsh things about me, which he hadn't done before.
Do I sound self-pitying and exaggerating things? I'll see them at a family wedding in several weeks. What do I do now?