My big problem

[tygre1]

My husband and I have been together for a little over a year, when we were first together it was perfect bliss and we were both completely infatuated. He grew up in a home with very little affection, but he never had a problem expressing affection until about a year ago. He doesn't like to hold my hand or cuddle. I tell him he treats me more like a sister than a wife, we hardly have sex. I don't know what to do, I love him and it scares me. Every cell in my head tells me that I'm the fool who stays in the relationship she knows she shouldn't be in but every piece of my heart tells me that this is the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. A few months ago I posted a profile on a marrieds only dating site, not knowing what I was looking for, the more people I spoke to the more I realized that I wanted the fire back, the excitement. I deleted my profile from the website and ended all correspondence with the members I had been talking to(only talking, never anything physical). Things were better for a while and now things are right back where they were. He is on the computer 80% of the time he is home, and if I bring it up he gets terribly angry. I've suggested couples therapy but he acts confused as to why I think we need it. I don't want to leave him and I've already laid it out for him several times, he knows I'm unhappy but he says he doesn't know what he can do to change it, and when I explain he just twists it. I told him I thought he wanted to seperate but didn't have the heart to be the one to do it so he was going to push me to. He claims that's not it but I don't know what else I can do. I'm miserable. I feel like I'm in love with nothing, and I'm just running myself to empty giving someone that could care less everything that I have to give....

[babypooh]

It's a very tough situation to be in when the person you love doesn't want to get help. They have to WANT to get help and let you help them. I'm sorry that you're going through this. All you can do is have another serious talk with him and ask him to get help; explain the effects in has on you, emotionally. Tell him you want to be with him, but you can't live this way forever so he needs to get help in order for things to work.  Don't be afraid to leave if it really makes you miserable and you see no hope. It takes two to work things out and the one who needs to make the first move in this case should be him by getting help.  Good luck, honey.

[Jbraaten]

well I was trying to be anonymous in case my husband checked the site (he's notice I've been on here a lot) but I accidentally replied to you under the wrong name...so now the secret is out haha

[Jbraaten]

yeah I realized I worded that badly when you asked. He has claimed depression before, but he refuses to go to the dr. I had surgery in the summer and things have been bad trying to catch up from that money wise, so maybe that's it

[RockRose]

I'm sorry,  tygre,  I took your statement "we've been together a little over a year" to mean you've only known him a year.    Is it possible he's depressed?

[tygre1]

we have known each other for 6 years, we have been together almost 3 years and married a little over 1...and we are holding off on kids...trust me

[RockRose]

How long did you know him before you married him,  Tygre?  It's not hard for a man to be something he isn't for a few months - and then his real self comes through.

I think you need to at least not have any babies until this works out,  if it ever does.