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My boyfriend cheated on me but I still want to be with him

A while back my boyfriend cheated on me because the girl told him that I cheated on him so he did it to get back at me. He kept it from me this whole time I found out from a different girl that texted his phone. I told my boyfriend that if he had anything to tell me he should tell me now because it will be worse if I found out from someone else and he continued to lie to my face. I know he did it the girl sent me proof. He found out that I was asking around to figure out the truth and he got mad at me for asking around and still tried to lie. But I sent him the proof and he immediately told me "he's sorry, it was a mistake he didn't want me to know blah blah blah" what any cheater would say. And I wanted to stay mad at him and leave but I couldn't. I love him to much and I believe all that he told me, and I want to stay with him. I just want to know if I'm wrong. What do you guys think about it? Will he do it again?
6 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is a hard situation.  I get that you love him and say you couldn't leave, however, you just kind of taught him that he can do just about anything when with you and you'll put up with it.  I'd have at least taken a break.  If he thought he was getting back at you because someone told him you cheated, he wouldn't have lied and lied and lied some more.  So, ya.  He cheated.  And did his best to lie. And lied to your face.  I personally would never be able to look past that.  Will he cheat again?  Not necessarily but his character went down about 1000 notches with this incident and the lies after.  I'd worry about his overall character.  good luck
Avatar universal
Wow! You let him get away with it without any consequences. Should've broken things off for a while to show him how much he hurt you. Chances are, he'll do it again. If it turns into a cycle this could change who you are as a person. It'll cause you to not only distrust him, but other people around you.
Good luck
3 Comments
" ... this could change you as a person, it'll cause you to not only distrust him, but other people around you... " Yes, cause and effect happens with every move we make.. on top of human nature being fallible especially early on in relationships.. there are real long term consequences to actions.. yes, accident forgiveness is good, but be very aware that this could go very badly... don't be naive.. a person that lacks character can take advantage and personally it's the way that he lied that would concern me much more , it's the fact that he's so dialed in to other women talking behind your back that is a big red flag for me and one, personally, that wouldn't be acceptable for me. Sounds like he's "close" to other females? so much so that he would believe them without so much as discussing this allegation... I'm far too jealous a person to accept that my spouse would even remotely be closer to "girlfriends" than myself - that's what i couldn't get over...
I wonder, would any of these girlfriends take your place and console him if you took a break ? is that the reason why no consequences?
does the poster need to make a new set of friends? are your friends all single?
3060903 tn?1398565123
" ... this could change you as a person, it'll cause you to not only distrust him, but other people around you... " Yes, cause and effect happens with every move we make.. on top of human nature being fallible especially early on in relationships.. there are real long term consequences to actions.. yes, accident forgiveness is good, but be very aware that this could go very badly... don't be naive.. a person that lacks character can take advantage and personally it's the way that he lied that would concern me much more , it's the fact that he's so dialed in to other women talking behind your back that is a big red flag for me and one, personally, that wouldn't be acceptable for me. Sounds like he's "close" to other females? so much so that he would believe them without so much as discussing this allegation... I'm far too jealous a person to accept that my spouse would even remotely be closer to "girlfriends" than myself - that's what i couldn't get over...

I wonder, would any of these girlfriends take your place and console him if you took a break ? is that the reason why no consequences?

did he cheat with the girl that said you cheated? whose "friend" is she ? his only? does he hang with single girlfriends, most married people usually hang with couples and it can't hurt to hang with people that are proudly together and show it.

don't hang with people that hang with people like that lying  you know what..
3060903 tn?1398565123
You can do better, Some women are incapable of being around men without manufacturing an emotional connection - they are immature, and if your man hangs with immature females this is what you'll get ....

I feel really badly for you, you've seen the tip of a possible iceberg and it's a rough place to be.. things can go from bad to worse..I mean it could be a case of this guy not having opportunity for 3 or 4 years while you start a family and the first time some random women gives him an opportunity he may take it, This is why whole religions lock away their spouses to avoid this very situation - but it almost always the women that loses. I would be very careful not to become a statistic while you're young and beautiful. It's much harder to navigate the dating scene as you grow old. DON'T WASTE YOUR YOUTH. BE VERY AWARE OF EXACTLY WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU HAVE KIDS WITH, BECAUSE IT'S IMMENSELY MORE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH THESE TANGLED SCENARIOS WHEN YOU A0 NED FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN.  it's almost like no matter what he says or does, you'd better be fully prepared to not count on him for your financial or emotionally security... Can you do that? If you can, you can take a chance.  Check out stories of women that have given their spouses a break and they have continued to cheat for years ... be very aware that it happens...as i said, it can go dormant for a year or more and that doesn't mean that he won't take the opportunity when you're next "not in the loop".

Perhaps you can set up an appointment with a marriage counselor and have him actually  sign a document that says he will tell you that he is not happy before he moves on in bed with someone else. This is the least that should happen. A therapist would be able to challenge him to be a good man in the future (at the very least).. It seems to be a good compromise that will serve to teach him your true worth and the therapist can fill him on to what's expected as the social norm in grown up relationship.

3060903 tn?1398565123
A therapist could help you to see (not be in denial) of whether you're with a "player" or not, Him going at all to the appointment with shows he cares. It' s action as opposed to lip service.


player
A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin". The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s.

A certain class of low-rent, slack-jawed fuckups has decided that backstabbing and misogyny are totally radical, so the word is sometimes used as a compliment or term of endearment between male friends, as in the greeting "what's up, player?".
Gina thought she had found the love of her life when she met Sean, but after she found out he had slept with three of her best friends, she realized that he was nothing but a player.
by Greenie October 21, 2004

REMEMBER PLEASE  YOU'RE WORTH IT HIS EFFORT
1 Comments
Many couples use therapists to help them solve family problems - with two people spending their time fighting for the good life, spending so much time at work - with little time to decompress and be fully in tune to their partners at home. You have to ask yourself, If this isn't a good enough reason to have your man attend marital therapy - what is? If he won't bother going for this, will he be there for his kids properly? Is he able to define you as his priority , or not? Don't let this go. You have gone through a terrible event, and you're in shock and maybe want to just be content, but it takes work to build a really good relationship. That means you too. You've probably heard the saying "you have to teach people how to treat you", i suggest that there be no grey area about what you expect out of a relationship. If you expect less than a man's best, that's also an area that a therapist can help you change. Again, You're worth the effort.

I had to move on from my first husband who was a player. I found a good man that i would otherwise not have met should i have done nothing but reel in the shock of my first's mis steps and messed up actions. It was hard, as it was the best sex i'd had (as of 1986 that is). You have to be aware that you can also be influenced by good sex and not expect as much from another as you should. In other words, don't be your own worst enemy. People that have havoc in their lives are always also accountable for putting in the right effort.

You've made a great start opening up here. Keep in touch with your feelings always. It's important and it's worth it.

Avatar universal
Just leave him lol
1 Comments
Sounds like you and him aren't having such a great relationship you should just break it off before you waste more of his time and your time instead of waiting until the future to make your decision just decide so you both can just move on if you can't get over it already
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