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My dentist flirting with me
I have dental issues I went to my mom most trusted doc .he said that I had joint issues plus my teeth's r now more sensitive so I have to give him weekly visits .after 3-4 visits I noticed his behavior has changed he seems to clean my lips after they I felt this awkward and asked him I will do it myself but he said no prob.he ask me what I do in my free time and sumtimes ask me to call him to update him about my health .hecsumtimes holds my face in his hands and stare and says u r v pretty .first I was rude but never said anything clearly and that my mistake .wen I visited him after one month interval I thought I should change my attitude so thati could know his intentions but that was a mistake that I did.from past 3visits he is touching my shoulder sumtimes gets so close to me that I'm afraid he will kiss me so I said what r u doing and he instantly stood straight .he touch my shoulder and sumtimes while examining my mouth he puts his hand on my breast he potrays as if he is luking inside my mouth but I feel uneasy.whenever I feel pain while he doing sum thing inside my mouth he comforts me so much as if I'm a little girl.he wants to call me to inquire about my health but I asked him whether he calls all his patients to which he just smiled and said no I just want to call uas I like u to which I said how can u like me without knowing me u don't know me .
I know this man for 15 yes but now he is behaving v diffrrently he is I think 8-10 yes older than me .I never visited him alone my mom accompany me but shecsits outside the room .no woman ever complains about his behavior in fact I have seen many woman visiting him alone .nobody ever questioned his character.
I must add here that its v difficult for me to change dentist as I have previously consulted 3 docs and was in trouble .please advice how I handle this matter .I think I should leave my shyness and tell him to stop is this way right.
I know this man for 15 yes but now he is behaving v diffrrently he is I think 8-10 yes older than me .I never visited him alone my mom accompany me but shecsits outside the room .no woman ever complains about his behavior in fact I have seen many woman visiting him alone .nobody ever questioned his character.
I must add here that its v difficult for me to change dentist as I have previously consulted 3 docs and was in trouble .please advice how I handle this matter .I think I should leave my shyness and tell him to stop is this way right.
So, what have you decided to do? Are you going to find a new dentist or what? If he makes though uncomfortable with his behavior them there is a huge problem, the only solution being that you find a new dentist. There is really no reason to question whether this is normal or not because the fact is that your feelings are that you feel he makes you uncomfortable and that's a good enough and during enough reason to leave.
So I really hope you have not gone back to see him again since the first time you posted your question here.
So I really hope you have not gone back to see him again since the first time you posted your question here.
5 Comments
After I posted my question here and went thru answers I thought I should tell my mom I just told her Lil bit but she understood and told me that v will search for new dentist so v started our search visited two recommended dentists they just gave me pain killers .I forgot to mention that I have TMJ and my previous dentist use to give me some massage that relaxes my joint but these new dentists did nothing just gave me pain killers that I couldn't tolerate for more than one week ..I started bruising as I have ITP and have to go for monthly blood tests so went back to previous dentist but my mom stays in the room all the time.At first he was shocked and sort of annoyed and now avoid making eye contacts.this time he didn't treated me like he use to treat me previously with care and affection .
I'm really glad you talked to your mother and that she stays in the room with you. You've sent a clear message to him and just maybe he'll think twice about openly flirting with a young girl again (hopefully). GOOD GIRL. You maybe saved a bunch of other girls the awkwardness of dealing with unprofessional sexist treatment. You're my HERO !!!!
Plus, he's probably married.
Yes he is married and I guess have kids too
BTW I'm not young I'm 37 yrs divorced woman
I think it's unprofessional for a professional to comment on your looks. If a professional comments on your looks favourably, to me, it's just as bad as if he comments on your looks unfavourably. This would be the first red flag, suggesting that somehow "pretty" is better than what ? "plain" Just another idiot that looks skin deep and makes assumptions that a person will be flattered with the attention, instead of looking at the bigger picture and realizing that if he thinks "pretty" is special, then he thinks' that "plain" is not optimal in his eyes. It is unprofessional for anybody to judge a women by her looks, It's cheesy and inappropriate in my opinion, especially for a professional. If the only thing a guy could say about me, was that i was "pretty" i would find that insulting, but i would also judge the guy as being shallow.. Beauty is only skin deep, and what we look like, we really have nothing to do with. And when we get old, we all fade and get wrinkles. If he were to ask you about your hobbies and interests, and commented on that, , i think that would be alright., but not what you had nothing to do with (your looks).
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2 Comments
Just another dweeb judging a women by her looks. DROLL boorish behavior, IMO that is. lol
Interesting thing is thatbi dont think im pretty :) yeah he asked me about what i do my hobbies and about my job subjects that i teach
Sounds to me like hes flirting but if u want him go for it but idk if that be such a good idea have ur mom in the room with u
COMMUNITY LEADER
Tell your mom what he's doing. She'll flip. This will be taken care of. It's important for a young woman to learn to stand up for herself or you'll end up being a victim here and elsewhere. This is why people like the dentist continue their actions. They somehow sense the ones who will put up with it (you) who give themselves lots of excuses for why they don't take action to make it stop --- and they do what they do which is inappropriate. Lots of young ladies would make a stink about it but you don't. Why is that? Do you like the attention in some kind of way? Otherwise, tell your mom or say STOP or I'll tell my mom. This is not a complex situation. good luck
4 Comments
I decided that this time I will ask him to stop or else I will tell my mom
I think that is a good idea. We have something called 'secondary gain' which is that even though you don't want to, you may have on some level been flattered or excited by his attention. That prevented you from doing what you know is right which is to get it stopped. The time is now--- don't allow him to behave badly anymore. good luck hon
Finally I told my mom about him not exactly whole thing just a lilbut of it so she said v will luk for sum other gud dentist or I will sit in the room ...I'm relax now thanks a lot everyone for helping me out
Yeah I admit that I was at sum point flattered by his attention and took sum of his words nd attention lightly but he started crossing boundaries then I was alert but scared too I dont want all this....
Please get this straight. You did nothing wrong, you did not make a mistake. He is a professional, he is in no confusion about what a professional relationship is. He certainly does not do this to men, for example. He knows the difference between correct professional behavior and incorrect behavior.
You have every right to expect any person with whom you have professional dealings to act like a professional. You say you cannot change dentists (what if he were to move away or die? Would you not be able to find a new dentist?) and you imply that you are somehow to blame for not having taken it on yourself to stop him. You should not have had to. He is being inappropriate and even predatory, This is NOT YOUR FAULT.
If you cannot find the nerve to report his behavior or feel you simply won't be believed, change dentists. If you so-called "cannot" do that, have your mother be in the room at all times. If he asks why, say you are uncomfortable with his demeanor. You do not even owe him that much explanation.
You have every right to expect any person with whom you have professional dealings to act like a professional. You say you cannot change dentists (what if he were to move away or die? Would you not be able to find a new dentist?) and you imply that you are somehow to blame for not having taken it on yourself to stop him. You should not have had to. He is being inappropriate and even predatory, This is NOT YOUR FAULT.
If you cannot find the nerve to report his behavior or feel you simply won't be believed, change dentists. If you so-called "cannot" do that, have your mother be in the room at all times. If he asks why, say you are uncomfortable with his demeanor. You do not even owe him that much explanation.
3 Comments
How about if I teach him his limits ....I have decided that next time I should teach that man that he should remain within his limits and respect my boundaries .
U r rite I will search for a gud dentist though I previously tried 3
But I'm confused as why me ???he have v gud reputation never heard any woman or girl complaining his indecent behavior
What a pig. Have your mother be in the room the whole time. If he will not allow it, change dentists. You do not have to put up with this! In this country he would be reported to the board that addresses licensing of dentists and might lose his license over such things.
4 Comments
My mom sits outside the room like everyone else
Either get her into the room or get yourself a new dentist. In the USA, he would be at risk of losing his license. Don't know how it works in a more patriarchial society, but in some places if a woman makes a complaint or even a fuss, the man just says she is making things up. So get your mom in there!
So what. Do you want this man to grope you?
ps -- He is not "flirting" with you, he is subjecting you to lewd advances.
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