Aa
My ex got his co worker pregnant!
Hi, I need some serious advice!
My ex and I had been together for 10 years, engaged for the last 3 and we lived together for 5 years. 5 months ago he sat me down and told me that "he thought we should break up because things just weren't working anymore". I agree things hadn't been the best since I was working full time and going to school at night. I figured it was just a rough patch and we would make it like we always had, well I was definitely wrong! He kept insisting that I needed to find another place to live I was completely devastated I asked him if he had cheated on me, or met someone else and he said no. I figured if he had cheated or met someone else he would just tell me since we were over anyways. I moved into his moms house 2 days later because I had no where else to go and I considered his mom a mother figure in my life. I stayed there for about 2 months and finally found myself my own apartment close to work, school. This all happened right around the holidays, so when thanksgiving approached I woke up to a text message from my ex just saying he missed me and hoped I was doing well. Christmas came and I got another text message, so we started texting about how much we missed one another and wanted to see each other. Couple days later we met in person after not seeing each other for 2 months we both were super excited! He took me to dinner and we hung out all night long and continued to hang out for about 3 weekends after that, he even stayed the night after we went out one night (no, nothing happened lol). He stayed at my place the entire next day just watching movies, cuddling, kissing me. He left that night and ever since then he was so distant from me. I kept asking why he was acting so strange and why he wasn't talking to me and his response was "you need to move forward without me because I don't want to drag you down". I was once again devastated asking myself what I did wrong!? I reached out to him a couple weeks ago to have him pay the phone bill we still share and he poured his heart out saying he wished things would have turned out differently, he thinks about me everyday blah, blah, blah. He said we needed to talk when I got back from a trip I was about to take, so I tried my hardest to have him meet up with me that night, but he wouldn't. He kept saying he had plans and it wasn't something he wanted to talk about tonight. 4 days later I get a message on fb telling me my ex got his ex girlfriend pregnant, which happens to be a girl my ex works with. I seriously couldn't believe it! So I called him mom to ask her what was going on. She confirmed he was going to tell me after my trip he just didn't want to ruin it for me! I was seriously so histerical I felt like I couldn't breathe! I finally txt my ex the next day and just spilled my heart about how incredibly hurt I was. He text me back saying, he ruined his life and he's having a kid with someone he doesn't see himself with, nor does he know her, nor is he with her now. He wished it was me he got knocked up and regrets every choice he has made since we split. He said she wasn't even attractive like that, which by the way is totally true! He admitted when we started hanging out again he thought me moving was the best move for us and was excited to see where things went, then he left my house and found out all this ******** and knew he had to let me go. He told me when he first found out it was all bad he told her he was still in love with me and asked her to get an abortion, but she said no. I just found all this out on Monday and Saturday they had a gender reveal party for the baby! I seriously have never been so hurt or betrayed in my entire life! I felt like I deserved to know when this all happened so I could have time to process everything just like him. Instead I'm getting smacked in the face with all this horrible news. i just need some advice on helping me move on because I'm in a horrible, horrible place right now. I feel like he's all happy and I'm alone and miserable please help!
My ex and I had been together for 10 years, engaged for the last 3 and we lived together for 5 years. 5 months ago he sat me down and told me that "he thought we should break up because things just weren't working anymore". I agree things hadn't been the best since I was working full time and going to school at night. I figured it was just a rough patch and we would make it like we always had, well I was definitely wrong! He kept insisting that I needed to find another place to live I was completely devastated I asked him if he had cheated on me, or met someone else and he said no. I figured if he had cheated or met someone else he would just tell me since we were over anyways. I moved into his moms house 2 days later because I had no where else to go and I considered his mom a mother figure in my life. I stayed there for about 2 months and finally found myself my own apartment close to work, school. This all happened right around the holidays, so when thanksgiving approached I woke up to a text message from my ex just saying he missed me and hoped I was doing well. Christmas came and I got another text message, so we started texting about how much we missed one another and wanted to see each other. Couple days later we met in person after not seeing each other for 2 months we both were super excited! He took me to dinner and we hung out all night long and continued to hang out for about 3 weekends after that, he even stayed the night after we went out one night (no, nothing happened lol). He stayed at my place the entire next day just watching movies, cuddling, kissing me. He left that night and ever since then he was so distant from me. I kept asking why he was acting so strange and why he wasn't talking to me and his response was "you need to move forward without me because I don't want to drag you down". I was once again devastated asking myself what I did wrong!? I reached out to him a couple weeks ago to have him pay the phone bill we still share and he poured his heart out saying he wished things would have turned out differently, he thinks about me everyday blah, blah, blah. He said we needed to talk when I got back from a trip I was about to take, so I tried my hardest to have him meet up with me that night, but he wouldn't. He kept saying he had plans and it wasn't something he wanted to talk about tonight. 4 days later I get a message on fb telling me my ex got his ex girlfriend pregnant, which happens to be a girl my ex works with. I seriously couldn't believe it! So I called him mom to ask her what was going on. She confirmed he was going to tell me after my trip he just didn't want to ruin it for me! I was seriously so histerical I felt like I couldn't breathe! I finally txt my ex the next day and just spilled my heart about how incredibly hurt I was. He text me back saying, he ruined his life and he's having a kid with someone he doesn't see himself with, nor does he know her, nor is he with her now. He wished it was me he got knocked up and regrets every choice he has made since we split. He said she wasn't even attractive like that, which by the way is totally true! He admitted when we started hanging out again he thought me moving was the best move for us and was excited to see where things went, then he left my house and found out all this ******** and knew he had to let me go. He told me when he first found out it was all bad he told her he was still in love with me and asked her to get an abortion, but she said no. I just found all this out on Monday and Saturday they had a gender reveal party for the baby! I seriously have never been so hurt or betrayed in my entire life! I felt like I deserved to know when this all happened so I could have time to process everything just like him. Instead I'm getting smacked in the face with all this horrible news. i just need some advice on helping me move on because I'm in a horrible, horrible place right now. I feel like he's all happy and I'm alone and miserable please help!
Maybe consider trying to pity him, rather than hate him.
In ten years time , where will you be? You have a chance to still have everything you wanted in a partner and in yourself. Keep yourself pure to behold the gifts that will unfold.
I read a few points in this article that i thought could be useful.
Don’t Go to Sleep Angry
Each night as I drift off to sleep, I adamantly refuse to use this precious time to review anything that I do not want to be reinforced in the hours of being immersed in my subconscious mind. I choose to impress upon my subconscious mind my conception of myself as a Divine creator in alignment with the one mind. I reiterate my I ams, which I have placed in my imagination, and I remember that my slumber will be dominated by my last waking concept of myself. I am peaceful, I am content, I am love, and I attract only to myself those who are in alignment with my highest ideals of myself.
This is my nightly ritual, always eschewing any temptation to go over any fear of unpleasantness that my ego might be asking me to review. I assume the feeling in my body of those I am statements already fulfilled, and I know that I’m allowing myself to be programmed while asleep, for the next day might help you.
******
Switch the Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself
Whenever you’re upset over the conduct of others, take the focus off those you’re holding responsible for your inner distress. Shift your mental energy to allowing yourself to be with whatever you’re feeling — let the experience be as it may, without blaming others for your feelings. Don’t blame yourself either! Just allow the experience to unfold and tell yourself that no one has the power to make you uneasy without your consent, and that you’re unwilling to grant that authority to this person right now
In ten years time , where will you be? You have a chance to still have everything you wanted in a partner and in yourself. Keep yourself pure to behold the gifts that will unfold.
I read a few points in this article that i thought could be useful.
Don’t Go to Sleep Angry
Each night as I drift off to sleep, I adamantly refuse to use this precious time to review anything that I do not want to be reinforced in the hours of being immersed in my subconscious mind. I choose to impress upon my subconscious mind my conception of myself as a Divine creator in alignment with the one mind. I reiterate my I ams, which I have placed in my imagination, and I remember that my slumber will be dominated by my last waking concept of myself. I am peaceful, I am content, I am love, and I attract only to myself those who are in alignment with my highest ideals of myself.
This is my nightly ritual, always eschewing any temptation to go over any fear of unpleasantness that my ego might be asking me to review. I assume the feeling in my body of those I am statements already fulfilled, and I know that I’m allowing myself to be programmed while asleep, for the next day might help you.
******
Switch the Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself
Whenever you’re upset over the conduct of others, take the focus off those you’re holding responsible for your inner distress. Shift your mental energy to allowing yourself to be with whatever you’re feeling — let the experience be as it may, without blaming others for your feelings. Don’t blame yourself either! Just allow the experience to unfold and tell yourself that no one has the power to make you uneasy without your consent, and that you’re unwilling to grant that authority to this person right now
That's wise, Rae. It's only hurting you.
I think you're expecting too much of yourself if you think you should have to get over this immediately. It takes time.
Best wishes.
I think you're expecting too much of yourself if you think you should have to get over this immediately. It takes time.
Best wishes.
Yeah, I guess I just have to learn how to respect that and let him go. I need to figure out how to stop hating him because it's only hurting me.
I suppose that you could look at it like this. He's trying to take responsibility for the child he helped to create. He's trying to do the right thing for the baby. Although he is a disappointment to the women in his life, he still has a chance at being a good father, and that should be respected, It might be the only thing that he will be able to respect about himself, or others can respect him for. It is his chance at being human and doing the right thing. So please, don't feel bad about him doing right by this innocent life. Tell yourself that he's making the best out of a bad situation and it will be easier for you to let him.go to it. I think that you have every reason to go to a therapist, as much as anyone. The point is that you need to rise above the ashes of what's happened, and carry no baggage into the most important years of your life. The fact that you are drinking every day right now is a major concern. It is a very unhealthy habit, and i hope that if you have a plan to talk it out, how you're feeling, that you can more easily see that it would be disastrous for you to be trying to numb yourself to the reality of your situation. Better that you look at it head on and learn with the help of a therapist to lessen the pain and remove yourself totally from the choices that your ex partner has made for himself. It was not you that made the mistakes. You did nothing wrong by going to work and school. Your dedication to raising your abilities to look after a family would and should be celebrated by your future partner. Look for someone who is over the moon proud of you for fighting so hard for the future security of your family and you'll have found a soul mate. Please, let us know when you're back at school ? i'm so sorry you're feeling such pain and disillusionment. Just remember, it is only connected to certain types of individuals and not the whole world. You know i'm here for you if you want to talk. I'm really proud of you for handling yourself the way you are. You're an amazing women and deserve the best in life.
I'm not sure you will necessarily need a therapist.
This is a breakup, without kids in your mix, so you can make a clean break of it.
I do think he's a first class cad, being disloyal to both you and his new relationship. I think if his new (whatever this relationship is called) heard the things he said to you about her, she would be very shocked and surprised, just as you were shocked and surprised to realize he's a liar.
He's too cowardly to tell you he's with her and not you, and he wants to still be seen as the "good guy" who messed up.
When in fact he didn't have the stones to tell you he'd moved on.
This is a breakup, without kids in your mix, so you can make a clean break of it.
I do think he's a first class cad, being disloyal to both you and his new relationship. I think if his new (whatever this relationship is called) heard the things he said to you about her, she would be very shocked and surprised, just as you were shocked and surprised to realize he's a liar.
He's too cowardly to tell you he's with her and not you, and he wants to still be seen as the "good guy" who messed up.
When in fact he didn't have the stones to tell you he'd moved on.
1 Comments
Yeah, I'm just having a hard time processing everything. According to him she was just a girl he screwed because he was lonely and bored and now he's "stuck". It's just hard to think someone you spent 10 years of your life with could move on so fast!
I'm so glad to hear that you realize that this should be over for you. It's an important step for you to go to a therapist on the 4th of April. You need to put the bottle down and not do the damage to your body that drinking everyday can do. Can you try to stop the drinking, and run on faith, that the therapist will help you , and get yourself back to school ? Don't let someone worthless like that , win , and take you out of the game. You're better than that. You can do this. You can get up, shake it off and realize that this disaster is as a result of nothing that you did, You didn't cause this lapse in his sanity. So why pay for it with your schooling and work taking a back seat ? He doesn't deserve to make that much impact on your life. Let his nasty @#$% take a back seat and let your own life take center stage again. I'm really proud of you for blocking out his family right now. Down the road, when you're with someone else and starting your family, you might still be able to be friends of sorts with one or more of his family. You're a brave girl. and your spirit is showing up here in spades.
Please, put the cup down.
Please, put the cup down.
In fact, from what he's said, (He text me back saying, he ruined his life and he's having a kid with someone he doesn't see himself with, nor does he know her, nor is he with her now. He wished it was me he got knocked up and regrets every choice he has made since we split. He said she wasn't even attractive like that, which by the way is totally true!) you can't be sure that he's "happy|" at all. He's as much as said, that he's not going to be with this girl at all. Meaning that he's going to have to pay child support for this child. , and that can be a deal breaker for a women wanting to start a life with a guy. I'm wondering if the child support, and time, is what he means by ruining his life ? and not that he's planning at all of being with this women?
I noticed that you are asking how to move on ? and not how to get over this (as some might do). It sounds like you can't get over the fact that he just hit you with a eviction order 5 months ago, with no talking about you and he trying to work out your issues with a therapist, just "get out" is all you got , First thing is to stop yourself from taking to him any further, unfriend him from Facebook and give yourself a break from hurting yourself needlessly.. You could go to a therapist so that you can get yourself to a point of moving on. It will take time. It won't happen over night. Make sure you don't fall into any bad habits, like drinking and trying to numb the pain of it all with oblivion. You have too much going for yourself. You cannot lose yourself in this. You were and are a good match for many men. Being such a hard worker. Young couples that are doing the right thing, do work and go to school and support one another while doing so. You need someone that is more like you. that wouldn't be considering backing out because of the time constraints of getting ahead early in a marriage. You need to get to a therapist to learn how to forgive this guy and let him go, or forgive him and keep him whatever is your wish. Be good to yourself, and try to move on within a therapeutic environment.
I noticed that you are asking how to move on ? and not how to get over this (as some might do). It sounds like you can't get over the fact that he just hit you with a eviction order 5 months ago, with no talking about you and he trying to work out your issues with a therapist, just "get out" is all you got , First thing is to stop yourself from taking to him any further, unfriend him from Facebook and give yourself a break from hurting yourself needlessly.. You could go to a therapist so that you can get yourself to a point of moving on. It will take time. It won't happen over night. Make sure you don't fall into any bad habits, like drinking and trying to numb the pain of it all with oblivion. You have too much going for yourself. You cannot lose yourself in this. You were and are a good match for many men. Being such a hard worker. Young couples that are doing the right thing, do work and go to school and support one another while doing so. You need someone that is more like you. that wouldn't be considering backing out because of the time constraints of getting ahead early in a marriage. You need to get to a therapist to learn how to forgive this guy and let him go, or forgive him and keep him whatever is your wish. Be good to yourself, and try to move on within a therapeutic environment.
3 Comments
Thank you! I'm going to see a therapist April 4th was the soonest I could get in. I definitely need some help because I have been drinking everyday since I found out and haven't been to school, which is not like me at all! I'm only 25 and I know I have my entire life ahead, I know I'm in a way better place than him, but I just need help moving forward. There is no chance I would ever get back with him he slept with her for the first time the day he gave me my eviction notice. I was still living in the house and sleeping in the same bed as him. He should have been honest with me when I asked if he cheated, or met someone else.
I'm getting into a therapist April 4th that was the first available appt. there is no chance I would ever get back with him now after all the lying and finding this out that door officially closed. 10 years spent together and I feel like he **** all over me I feel like I meant nothing. The hardest part about this entire situation is I'm extremely close with his family and I have had to block everyone d/t the circumstances.
Sorry I didn't see my first response go through so I sent a second.
He's already told you he's not happy. I feel so bad for yet another child being born that is not wanted in the truest sense of the word. This pregnancy is going to hurt all involved, not just you. The girl knows she's your ex bf's second choice, that he's in love with another women. The child is not a wanted child, And you are reeling from the effects. No, it's not a happy time for anyone, and the worst hurt in all of this is the baby.
He admitted when we started hanging out again he thought me moving was the best move for us and was excited to see where things went, then he left my house and found out all this ******** and knew he had to let me go.
I just found all this out on Monday and Saturday they had a gender reveal party for the baby!
How far along in her pregnancy is this other women? He works with her, and only now has heard she's pregnant?
He admitted when we started hanging out again he thought me moving was the best move for us and was excited to see where things went, then he left my house and found out all this ******** and knew he had to let me go.
I just found all this out on Monday and Saturday they had a gender reveal party for the baby!
How far along in her pregnancy is this other women? He works with her, and only now has heard she's pregnant?
1 Comments
She's already 4 months along and he found out 2 months ago. I just felt like he should have told me when he found out because it would have gave me closure and helped me move on. I asked him if he was going to be with her and his response was, "idk I'm not attracted to her but she really wants me to at least try for the baby's sake". I know it's not the baby's fault at all and I feel horrible for the child. I'm just hurting really bad right now I don't want to work, or go school. I disconnected his phone from my plan and blocked his number and his moms. It kills me I can't talk to him because we are so close but I feel like I have to distance myself.
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