My fiancé keeps choosing porn over me, is it time to leave?!!

[Confusedgf]

I have been with my fiancé for over 2 years. About 7 months into the relationship our love life was getting worse he was not into me or even affectionate no kissing hugs nothing. That month I found porn on his phone browser. It was a lot too like hours upon hours worth of porn every day. He wouldn't talk about it when I confronted him. I was very calm and collected and let him know that I felt like the porn was a form of cheating and that it hurt me that he would choose porn over me every day. I asked him if there was something I could do to make him happier in the bedroom. He wouldn't say a word other than OK and I won't do it anymore. A couple weeks later I felt that he hadn't stopped and I look at his phone and there was porn every day again! I told him it needed to stop or I was gone. He made another promise that it would stop that he is attracted to me and loves me.... It never has.... I have tried everything! I've asked him what I could do. He tells me nothing and that nothing is wrong with me. Now to present day we have a 2 month old baby and the porn use it worse. Threw the pregnancy he would go months with out even giving me a hug. But would make time morning and night to lock himself into the bathroom for hours to watch porn. He has lied the whole time about it when I ask him. I have never once yelled gotten or mean to him. Even now when he wakes up he watches porn and when he gets home he won't even hold his baby because he is tired. But has time for porn. Iam 25, in shape (I've already lost the baby weight plus 15 lbs) 5'1 very curvy breast are a full c. I have a career in business management. I pay the bills and cater to my fiancé's every need. When I go to work I get asked out almost every day. But for some reason the one man I love can't stop porn to even talk to me. I'm to the point I don't know if I should leave now or continue to work on us where we have a baby.

[Londres70]

"Iam 25, in shape (I've already lost the baby weight plus 15 lbs) 5'1 very curvy breast are a full c. I have a career in business management. I pay the bills and cater to my fiancé's every need. When I go to work I get asked out almost every day. But for some reason the one man I love can't stop porn to even talk to me. I'm to the point I don't know if I should leave now or continue to work on us where we have a baby."...................Hon, it doesn't matter what you look like or what you have or what you pay because it's a problem with him and not with you.  He doesn't see a problem with what he is doing and isn't going to change and doesn't want to change.  Even if he wanted to change that won't happen overnight and possibly never.

Secondly, you stated he was your "fiancé?"  He is in NO position to be anyone's husband at this time and especially with this porn addiction.  

Thirdly, is he sitting around watching porn all day?  Does he work?  If not, that's another reason why he shouldn't be considering marrying anybody.

Fourthly, I think you do too much for him and I would put the kibosh on that.  He is taking advantage of you.  Why are you catering to a porn addict sitting around all day watching porn and doing whatever he wants?  He does this to you because he knows he can get away with this.  We show people how to treat us.  You can give him all the ultimatums in the world, HOWEVER, if you don't follow through with any of them then...............well, you know what's going to happen.  Why should he change if he gets what he wants?  That's what I think he is thinking.

Sounds like you are already by yourself with a child and he is just there and disengaged.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sorry you are having this dilemma and have to make this kind of decision.  

So, to me, the problem isn't the girls in his porn he watches or event that he watches porn . . .   you two don't have a good sex life.  He's not affectionate.  And hasn't been for a LONG time (as he stopped 7 months into the relationship).  This would make you incompatible.

I agree that porn can be a problem.  But in this case, it really doesn't even matter.  You aren't getting what you need and that has been the case for MOST of your relationship.  

So, yes, time to leave this and find a better partner.  good luck

[Nighthawk61]

I would say that you have two choice.  One to leave, and the other to stage an Intervention (which may lead to leaving if he does not get help for his addiction) however, it seems that there is more going wrong here than just an addiction to porn. You and he are incompatible at best, it seems.

You also say that you pay all the bills and cater to his every needs, yet he is working 12 hour days. Are you saying that you are financially responsible for the bills, and he is not.? Are you saying that will all this happening , you are paying all the bills, letting him keep his money , and you are paying for his expenses as well ?

I think if this is the case, you need to talk to a therapist as to why this is happening. The facts are , that you were well aware of this man's propensity for hurting you before you got pregnant. I'm not saying your two month old should not be here, what i'm saying is that until you do the work that makes you capable of being in a non co dependent relationship, it might happen again. And then you'll have two kids with two dead beat dads. So, for the sake of your 2 month old, i think you need to make sure that you are in full control of who you let into your life and that it's for all the right reasons.

Please let us know how you are faring and Congratulations on your baby.

[Lee_1989]

It sounds like he's straight up addicted to porn.. that's a real thing! And these people are right, it is a problem with HIM, not you. Being a single mother is difficult, but many women do it, and you'll probably be a lot more fulfilled than you are now. You're not married to him yet, I would consider that a blessing, because you can just leave (not that it's easy to leave, but it's less messy than a divorce). Be glad you aren't married to him. You still have a chance to get out there, and find someone who is capable of treating you right. That is what I suggest you do. I know you love this guy, but it comes down to one thing: do you want the rest of your life to look like it does now? If not, the only option is to do something about it.

[Londres70]

I am sure you didn't want to be a single mother, but he isn't in a good place to be any child's father or a husband if he is viewing porn during most of his free time.  I am afraid that the baby will get here and he will be expecting you to continue to cater to him and take care of the baby while he is watching his porn.  

Until he sees he has a problem this will never change.  If he does come to realize he has a problem then he should seek professional help and work on himself.  I wouldn't wait around for this to happen though.

Get rid of him now.  

[Confusedgf]

Thank you for your input. He does work 12 hrs a day. But like I said when he is home he is watching porn. It looks like its time for me to cut my losses and move on. I just never wanted to be a single mom.