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Avatar universal

My fiance used to love me.

what happened to him? my fiance used to be so romantic. he used to make me feel loved and special to him. He used to want a family of our own. (he does have a young son). Now he broke the news to me that he does not want any more children, and he wants to wait a year or two more to get married. He tells me he loves me, but he doesnt show me. He refuses to even hold my hand in public. He says im the problem. He says its because i dont trust him enough to feel comfortable with him going out drinking with a bunch of girls. now, i told him i might be more comfortable with it if i could meet them. He said know because i wouldnt like them because all they do is flirt. I asked him if he flirts back and he said yes, because thats the way they "comunticate." I love him to death, and he is my best friend...but it almost feels like im waisting my time. Am I?
10 Responses
Avatar universal
Yes, you are wasting your time.  Dating is when we get to know people and whether or not we want to marry the person.   Your fiance does not sound like marriage material.  Move on and find someone who is marriage material.
184674 tn?1360864093
Hmmm, sounds like when he treated you so special at first that you were his prime interest, and his romantic, flirting ways were how he "communicated" to you. But now that he's got the ring on your finger, it's not that important (or at all, from how you describe it) because you're not a part of the "chase" anymore.

He refuses to hold your hand in public but tells you point-blank that *you're* the problem? What a jerk!

You have every right, especially after trying to talk to him, to have trust issues with him if
1) he's doing something you're not comfortable with and
2) secluding you from being involved in order to eliminate your discomfort.

So yes, to me it sounds like your waisting your time on this guy. Doesn't sound like he has enough respect or consideration for you to be his wife.
Avatar universal
I agree with AJH84.  He says the issue is that you don't "trust" him, yet her will not introduce you to his flirty girlfriends.  That is just nonsense to me.  
13167 tn?1327197724
Yes,  what Mayflowers and everyone said.  You are wasting your time.  

Thank goodness you don't have any kids, and you can just let this go.
145992 tn?1341348674
Complete waste of time.  He flirts with other girls that he goes out with, without you.  He blames you for not wanting to be intimate.  By initmate I mean hand holding because let's face it physical affection is an intimate thing.  I mean a lot of time relationships change, my fiance isn't as romantic as he used to be but that's because we both work different schedules and just had a baby so really there is no time for romance.  You on the other hand, have no kids, so all the attention should be focused on the relationship.  You need to move on and find a man who truly appreciates you and includes you in his life.
146191 tn?1236881412
sorry to say, i agree with the others in that he just doesn't feel the same way about you, or never did to begin with. plain and simple. i think by telling you things like that (about the girls) may even be his way of trying to sever the relationship without necessarily being the "bad guy". i.e., you'd be the one to end it and it would save him the grief. you know? i think its just plain wrong that he would go drinking "with a bunch of girls" and then explain it away the way he did. if i were you, i would have thrown something heavy at his head. (kidding). but i would be mad and wouldn't hang around another minute to see what he pulled next. im sure things used to be different between yout wo, but look at it as its good that you see this in him now, before you walk down the aisle. you dont need a man that would rather "communicate" with other women by flirting with them than hang out with you, the one he "loves". and to say its YOUR fault, ugh, you deserve better!
Avatar universal
I agree with all of the avove . My comment would be yes . you are young do not sit around and wait.   lots luck jo
419446 tn?1212545977
To love someone is to show them. If he doesnt care enough to make you happy now before a marriage takes place, then you will most certainly be less on his last of priortities afterwards...if he ever really does marry you. Sounds to me like he lured you in with the promise of a person he was pretending to be, and not the man he actually is. Now that ou see that, failing any attempts to make you happy in the near future, I would just move along and look for a real person would wants to please me & make me happy.
82861 tn?1333457511
If your goal in life is to have an intact, stable family and children, then this boy is not the one who will achieve that goal with you.  What is more important to you - living your life the way you want live it, or catering to someone else's plan for your future?  
373034 tn?1204157628
Yes, you need to move on and far away from this guy.  He is openly cheating and then telling you it is your fault that he doesn't hold your hand.  If I told my fiance that I'm going out with a bunch of guys to flirt, he would not hold my hand.  He would hold the door and tell me exactly where I could go.  Thank god you don't have kids or that marriage.  

I don't think you wasted your time.  You got to learn.  Thats never a waste.  Now take that and apply it to your next better relationship.  He will likely be the same forever.  No respect.  Good luck to you.
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