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My fiancee fantasizes about little girls and I left him
Hello community,
I don't know how to start this. My fiance loves me so much, and is very attached to me. He is my perfect match. Lately, he revealed to me his secret: he is attracted to little girls' private parts, and asked me if ( in the futur) I could let him touch our futur daughter's private part ( when I get pregnant and have a babygirl), because it makes him feel better. I was trying to understand his way of thinking, but could not process what he said. He further said that he would like to "masturbate" on her when she is born, and that masturbation is an emotional act, not sexual. I got really dizzy and could not imagine that he would think this way about our babies. When I told him that this is wrong and abnormal to think this way, he said that it was just talk to make him feel good, and that I forget about it, and he will never bring the subject up. He never thought of consulting a therapist, which makes me shun away from him. I kept always thinking about it. Those ideas were beyond my control and I could not imagine him saying these things. I got really traumatized. I love him so so much. He always treated me like a queen, but I could not let things go unnoticed. I started thinking about the futur, and that maybe having kids will be a dangerous thing. For this reason, I left him. I am going through very hard times now. It's been two years now, and I am still not able to forget him, but I am still trying. I know that I did the right thing for the sake of my well-being, otherwise, I will never have peace of mind. I love him so much, and I was waiting for the day I ll marry him, and have kids with him, but I got crushed by reality and his abnormal fantasies. Please, I need your feedback.
I don't know how to start this. My fiance loves me so much, and is very attached to me. He is my perfect match. Lately, he revealed to me his secret: he is attracted to little girls' private parts, and asked me if ( in the futur) I could let him touch our futur daughter's private part ( when I get pregnant and have a babygirl), because it makes him feel better. I was trying to understand his way of thinking, but could not process what he said. He further said that he would like to "masturbate" on her when she is born, and that masturbation is an emotional act, not sexual. I got really dizzy and could not imagine that he would think this way about our babies. When I told him that this is wrong and abnormal to think this way, he said that it was just talk to make him feel good, and that I forget about it, and he will never bring the subject up. He never thought of consulting a therapist, which makes me shun away from him. I kept always thinking about it. Those ideas were beyond my control and I could not imagine him saying these things. I got really traumatized. I love him so so much. He always treated me like a queen, but I could not let things go unnoticed. I started thinking about the futur, and that maybe having kids will be a dangerous thing. For this reason, I left him. I am going through very hard times now. It's been two years now, and I am still not able to forget him, but I am still trying. I know that I did the right thing for the sake of my well-being, otherwise, I will never have peace of mind. I love him so much, and I was waiting for the day I ll marry him, and have kids with him, but I got crushed by reality and his abnormal fantasies. Please, I need your feedback.
COMMUNITY LEADER
So, I'm glad you are moving on. Hopefully the analyzing of him and being stuck in this place of thinking about him will end soon. Remember, what often happens is that we will romanticize someone we can't have. You very well may be doing that as it appears so to me as a bystander reading this. I'm sure he has more flaws than just being a pedophile. (oh my, did I say "just being a pedophile"? like just doesn't belong there . . . as that puts him on par with murderers, rapists, and woman beaters, right? but hopefully you know what I mean!!) People break up for less reasons for that and this is a break up like any other. He wasn't a perfect guy with one fatal flaw. You two simply were NOT a match. Not a good fit. Leave it at that and don't make him out to be this otherwise prince charming. He was very likely JUST ACTING which is what these guys do. They need a front to be with. You were on his short list to be a front to his dark desires. When you think it about that way, you may not have ever really known the true him at all. So, look at it like a break up and just move on without too much analyzing anymore.
How is your support system? Girlfriends? Sisters? I think it would be good for you to get out and not focus on this or sort of distract yourself. Start living life with this guy and situation in your past. A chapter closed and you are prime for better times!
I'm so glad that you found us here and hope you come back over and over to help others, help yourself, have a community that supports you! hugs
How is your support system? Girlfriends? Sisters? I think it would be good for you to get out and not focus on this or sort of distract yourself. Start living life with this guy and situation in your past. A chapter closed and you are prime for better times!
I'm so glad that you found us here and hope you come back over and over to help others, help yourself, have a community that supports you! hugs
I am so happy that you left this monster. I feel compelled to correct any misconceptions that you or others may have about child molesters or sexual predators as I like to call them. The sexual predator has to be the most charming, most giving, most friendly individual you have ever met. This is how they gain the trust of parents or future victims. Also in addition to gaining trust, the sexual predator uses opportunities to volunteer, help others, or give of his time and energy to appease his guilty conscience of the horrible, unspeakable things he does in the dark behind closed doors. Don't ever let your guard down around your precious children. The misconception that child molesters are mean, grumpy old men is what allows the true monsters who are chameleons to deceive you.
2 Comments
Thank you so much for your reply.
Yes, he is the kindest person I have ever met in my whole life. Very caring, very loving, very generous. Always by my side, and was always telling me that he would like to be the kind of man I want to have.
He was married once, but his wife left him because of «distance». (This is what he said). He also told me that she was very angry when she left. I don't know why... but now I am sure that she left him because of his abnormal fantasies..
Yeah, he showed me the perfect him, then crushed me when revealing the sexual stuff, and torn me apart.
He told me these sexual fantasies just once, and that's how I start researching and found out how serious it was.
I m happy that my gut feelings guided me, and I am also thankful for this experience, because it showed me how some people can play the angel perfect person while they are nasty and rotten from within.
Yes, he is the kindest person I have ever met in my whole life. Very caring, very loving, very generous. Always by my side, and was always telling me that he would like to be the kind of man I want to have.
He was married once, but his wife left him because of «distance». (This is what he said). He also told me that she was very angry when she left. I don't know why... but now I am sure that she left him because of his abnormal fantasies..
Yeah, he showed me the perfect him, then crushed me when revealing the sexual stuff, and torn me apart.
He told me these sexual fantasies just once, and that's how I start researching and found out how serious it was.
I m happy that my gut feelings guided me, and I am also thankful for this experience, because it showed me how some people can play the angel perfect person while they are nasty and rotten from within.
I was always asking him: « why are you so kind». Sometimes, I was just crying because he is like perfectly kiiiind and was melt with his kindness. For this reason, I was crushed.
He never wanted babies, it is just because I was interested in having babies. I was seeing him to be the best father to the kids, and that our kids will inherit those amazing qualities ( kindness, generosity, altruism...etc), but was crushed ( I'd rather say saved). Anyway, better be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.
He never wanted babies, it is just because I was interested in having babies. I was seeing him to be the best father to the kids, and that our kids will inherit those amazing qualities ( kindness, generosity, altruism...etc), but was crushed ( I'd rather say saved). Anyway, better be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.
Mary, you did the right thing by getting out of that relationship. I commend you for that as many women wouldnt of left. It is very hard to break free of an abusive relationship. I hope you find the happiness you deserve~
4 Comments
Thank you so much, Sarah for your kind words. Yeah, it is indeed a hard thing to do- to leave that person you once believed he was the one, and just leave all those memories and attachments I have for him behind.
He made me live in emotional conflict- sometimes I was saying that he is kind and generous and possess those amazing qualities, and then just that FLAW destroyed everything. I was like, how come ? A man who possess all these qualities end up thinking this way ? I never even thought of it, but it is better to be slapped with reality than kissed with a lie.
He made me live in emotional conflict- sometimes I was saying that he is kind and generous and possess those amazing qualities, and then just that FLAW destroyed everything. I was like, how come ? A man who possess all these qualities end up thinking this way ? I never even thought of it, but it is better to be slapped with reality than kissed with a lie.
You are very lucky that you played it the way you did, not raising a fuss in the beginning so he felt comfortable revealing more. Lots of people don't get the whole story until years too late. "I was very uncomfortable with all of these ideas, but I kept silent. That's the mistake I did. "
So try not to beat yourself up about what you think was your mistake, because you actually did your part perfectly and if he sensed danger he might have kept it secret from you until after he had done some real damage to a baby.
So try not to beat yourself up about what you think was your mistake, because you actually did your part perfectly and if he sensed danger he might have kept it secret from you until after he had done some real damage to a baby.
He trusted me blindly, that's why he revealed his flaw to me. He was honest abt it, but he never accepted my advice : to see a shrink and get the necessary help. If he really loved me, he would seek help and consult a psychotherapist, but he never accepted my advice.
I sometimes felt guilty, because he trusted me blindly and told me about his flaw. I was like telling myself that I should have stayed with him and convinced him to go consult a shrink, but he rejected my suggestion, I left because it is too much for me to bear what he said. I was going to go crazy if stayed with him. I was already thinking of suicide, because he really shocked me, but thank God, I am feeling much better now.
I sometimes felt guilty, because he trusted me blindly and told me about his flaw. I was like telling myself that I should have stayed with him and convinced him to go consult a shrink, but he rejected my suggestion, I left because it is too much for me to bear what he said. I was going to go crazy if stayed with him. I was already thinking of suicide, because he really shocked me, but thank God, I am feeling much better now.
He revealed his flaw because he can't understand it is a flaw, so will likely not go to therapy or get anything from it if he does get caught. Avoid people who are projects, because they usually can't adjust to normalcy. You were right to leave.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Leaving was right to do. Not much more to say but sometimes it takes longer to get over someone than others. You may want to see a therapist to discuss this. Emotional attachment to a bad fit person can happen but I am certainly glad your inner voice that knows that he has issues that are too much to overcome in a relationship and is not a safe person to be with. Again, see a therapist so you can move on and let that man go for good.
1 Comments
Yes, exactly. Being with the wrong person and giving him all your feelings is the worst thing that could ever happen. I will let it go, and I m healing, thanks to God.
Yes, I couldn't bear what he said. So the best decision was to leave.
Thank you for your reply :)
Yes, I couldn't bear what he said. So the best decision was to leave.
Thank you for your reply :)
I really hope he gets some help before some poor child is molested. If he has a computer i bet it is full of children.
I also hope you get some help for this too. This was a very traumatic thing to go thru.
I also hope you get some help for this too. This was a very traumatic thing to go thru.
1 Comments
Yes, indeed, very traumatic. I am doing my best, and getting the help I need :).
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
This is confusing.
You start your post with this. "My fiance loves me so much, and is very attached to me. He is my perfect match. Lately, he revealed to me his secret..."
but you've also said " It's been two years now, and I am still not able to forget him"
Are you still in contact ?
Your title is "My fiancee fantasizes about little girls and I left him" (you said two years ago)
So are you still engaged? and hanging on ? has he not moved on to another unfortunate woman yet? Are you still in a relationship that is keeping this current status of him being your fiance?
You start your post with this. "My fiance loves me so much, and is very attached to me. He is my perfect match. Lately, he revealed to me his secret..."
but you've also said " It's been two years now, and I am still not able to forget him"
Are you still in contact ?
Your title is "My fiancee fantasizes about little girls and I left him" (you said two years ago)
So are you still engaged? and hanging on ? has he not moved on to another unfortunate woman yet? Are you still in a relationship that is keeping this current status of him being your fiance?
I agree with AnnieBrooke, that what you thought was him treating you like a Queen, was him "grooming" anyone unfortunate enough to invest in a future with him for the purposes of using your children for molestation purposes. I, too, do not believe you know the real man, but only a facade that is bent on preparing fertile ground for his evil plans. To be treated like a Queen, you have to have sincere love , devotion and respect, but this is NOT what this guy is about - he may have acted to treat you as a Queen simply, but it lasted X number of days before he let you know what the true cost of his intentions were.
It is said there is a thin line between love and hate - I would suggest that if you could understand that you were used, in an elaborate plan to molest children, you might find the anger that you could use to dislike his TRUE INTENTIONS.
IF A SEXUAL DEVIATE IS SIMPLY PREPARING AND MANIPULATING ANYONE INTO SELLING OUT HER CHILDREN FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION - then you might consider him in a different light and it would make it easier to see him as a WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING THAT HAS WASTED YOUR VALUABLE TIME AND MANIPULATED YOU INTO '"LOVING" HIM WITHOUT HIM SINCERELY LOVING YOU.
AFTER ALL- COULD HE LOVE YOU AND THEN ASK TO MOLEST YOUR CHILDREN?
IF THE ANSWER IS 'NO', THEN WHY WOULD YOU LOVE A MAN THAT HAS WASTED YOUR TIME AND TORN YOUR HEART IN TWO?
This sexual deviate is simply preparing (what anyone, including him, would consider) a weak woman able to be manipulated into selling out her children for the fantasy that a man loves her enough to treat her well. This isn't love at all.
Here’s what you need to know about grooming.
1. Anyone can be a victim.
No one is immune to grooming, though some are more susceptible than others — including minors, "because of their naiveté,” Marlowe Garrison says. “[Grooming] can occur at any age, and it has a great deal to do with gullibility, insecurity, religion, and culture. [...] It starts by targeting a vulnerable person, then building trust.”F
I WAS ONCE WITH AN ABUSIVE MAN - I WENT TO HIS HOUSE ONE DAY WHEN I KNEW HIS NEW GF WAS - AND I BATED HIM LETTING HER KNOW HE WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, HE BIT, HE BEAT ME IN FRONT OF THE GIRL, - NOW THE GIRL MAY HAVE ALREADY BEEN BEATEN, OR SHE MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN WHAT HE WAS CAPABLE OF, BUT SEEING HIM IN ACTION COULD NOT HAVE HURT HER TO SEE HIS TRUE COLORS, AND I HOPE IT HELPED HER, THE BLACK EYES I RECEIVED WERE WORTH IT IF IT HELPED HER OUT ANY. SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT AB IS SAYING ABOUT SHARING THIS INFORMATION WITH ANYONE THAT WOULD LISTEN.
HE MAY CHANGE HIS TACTICS, AND NOT ASK THE NEXT TIME IF IT WAS ALRIGHT TO MOLEST BABIES. THIS IS THE MAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE.
Please take the time and money to seek therapy so that you can see this animal for what he WAS. Two years later and you're still calling him your fiance. He doesn't deserve that title. You need to get to the point of healing that you are calling him your EX GROOMER FOR THE PURPOSES OF CHILD MOLESTATION so that you can begin to heal and move on.
It is said there is a thin line between love and hate - I would suggest that if you could understand that you were used, in an elaborate plan to molest children, you might find the anger that you could use to dislike his TRUE INTENTIONS.
IF A SEXUAL DEVIATE IS SIMPLY PREPARING AND MANIPULATING ANYONE INTO SELLING OUT HER CHILDREN FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION - then you might consider him in a different light and it would make it easier to see him as a WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING THAT HAS WASTED YOUR VALUABLE TIME AND MANIPULATED YOU INTO '"LOVING" HIM WITHOUT HIM SINCERELY LOVING YOU.
AFTER ALL- COULD HE LOVE YOU AND THEN ASK TO MOLEST YOUR CHILDREN?
IF THE ANSWER IS 'NO', THEN WHY WOULD YOU LOVE A MAN THAT HAS WASTED YOUR TIME AND TORN YOUR HEART IN TWO?
This sexual deviate is simply preparing (what anyone, including him, would consider) a weak woman able to be manipulated into selling out her children for the fantasy that a man loves her enough to treat her well. This isn't love at all.
Here’s what you need to know about grooming.
1. Anyone can be a victim.
No one is immune to grooming, though some are more susceptible than others — including minors, "because of their naiveté,” Marlowe Garrison says. “[Grooming] can occur at any age, and it has a great deal to do with gullibility, insecurity, religion, and culture. [...] It starts by targeting a vulnerable person, then building trust.”F
I WAS ONCE WITH AN ABUSIVE MAN - I WENT TO HIS HOUSE ONE DAY WHEN I KNEW HIS NEW GF WAS - AND I BATED HIM LETTING HER KNOW HE WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, HE BIT, HE BEAT ME IN FRONT OF THE GIRL, - NOW THE GIRL MAY HAVE ALREADY BEEN BEATEN, OR SHE MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN WHAT HE WAS CAPABLE OF, BUT SEEING HIM IN ACTION COULD NOT HAVE HURT HER TO SEE HIS TRUE COLORS, AND I HOPE IT HELPED HER, THE BLACK EYES I RECEIVED WERE WORTH IT IF IT HELPED HER OUT ANY. SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT AB IS SAYING ABOUT SHARING THIS INFORMATION WITH ANYONE THAT WOULD LISTEN.
HE MAY CHANGE HIS TACTICS, AND NOT ASK THE NEXT TIME IF IT WAS ALRIGHT TO MOLEST BABIES. THIS IS THE MAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE.
Please take the time and money to seek therapy so that you can see this animal for what he WAS. Two years later and you're still calling him your fiance. He doesn't deserve that title. You need to get to the point of healing that you are calling him your EX GROOMER FOR THE PURPOSES OF CHILD MOLESTATION so that you can begin to heal and move on.
2 Comments
WOULD A MAN THAT SINCERELY LOVES YOU, AND GET'S YOU TO CARE ABOUT HIM, IMPLANT SUCH A GRAPHIC NIGHTMARE SCENARIO that he is attracted to little girls' private parts, and asked me if ( in the futur) I could let him touch our futur daughter's private part ? Would he have you suffer with PTSD on the subject for a lifetime , if he love you even one iota? I think not. Please seek therapy so that you can put this behind you.
Dear Nighthawk 46,
Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry, I made you angry. I know that I was just dumb, and I did not know how to react to all of these things. I agree with you 10000%. I was being used, and manipulated amd this is not love. If he really loved me, he would never think this way, and he would never have these sexual fantasies about little girls. I was in his plans and he was trying to instill these ideas in my brain and make them sound normal for me, but I didnot agree with him. I had a pretty bad feeling when he told me abt his fantasies. I am lucky he was honest with me.
No, I am no longer in contact him. I left him a long time ago. It is been two years now that I left him. It is just that sometimes when I play the flashback in my head, I realize that I was really naive and stupid. However, I feel like I am healing after reading your amazing comment that is a wake up call for me to move on in my life. Thank you so much for the reply, and I am so sorry for what you underwent with that abusive man. You are a strong person :).
Thank you once again. I really happy with ur comment. You can have a look at the comment I made to AnnieBrooke so that you get the picture of that ******* man I used to be with.
Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry, I made you angry. I know that I was just dumb, and I did not know how to react to all of these things. I agree with you 10000%. I was being used, and manipulated amd this is not love. If he really loved me, he would never think this way, and he would never have these sexual fantasies about little girls. I was in his plans and he was trying to instill these ideas in my brain and make them sound normal for me, but I didnot agree with him. I had a pretty bad feeling when he told me abt his fantasies. I am lucky he was honest with me.
No, I am no longer in contact him. I left him a long time ago. It is been two years now that I left him. It is just that sometimes when I play the flashback in my head, I realize that I was really naive and stupid. However, I feel like I am healing after reading your amazing comment that is a wake up call for me to move on in my life. Thank you so much for the reply, and I am so sorry for what you underwent with that abusive man. You are a strong person :).
Thank you once again. I really happy with ur comment. You can have a look at the comment I made to AnnieBrooke so that you get the picture of that ******* man I used to be with.
I am really sorry you were put in such an appalling and distressing position. I am worried about future babies and small children to whom he has access.
Of course he is entirely wrong, in his request and in his wishes, and in his sexual desire for babies. His desire as stated to you breaks all the incest taboos and the moral imperative not to do harm to the helpless. He doesn't even seem to understand that morally it is horrible. And it seems likely that he has already done this, since who would just think of this out of the blue? I worry that there are already traumatized and confused kids in his wake. I don't suppose you have any way to prove that he said this to you? If you had an audiotape or a video of him saying this, you could report him or at least warn people in his family who have babies. But if you were to just tell someone in his family, he would probably say you are crazy or lying.
What is particularly distressing is that he not only thinks it is just fine to sexually abuse babies, he thought you would acquiesce. He is so out of touch with what is normal, moral and decent that he has no compunction in mentioning it. But he must know it is an unusual thing to ask, because he first manipulated you entirely by "treating you like a queen" in hopes that you would acquiesce to him having sexual activity using his own child's body for sexual gratification. That is horrible on so many levels.
I am sorry you still love him. I suggest, you don't really even know him. You just like the nice way he treated you when he wanted to use you in the grand scheme to provide a baby upon whose body he could masturbate. I think you were used in every way, especially emotionally.
Please see a therapist. You have been traumatized, and it will help.
Of course he is entirely wrong, in his request and in his wishes, and in his sexual desire for babies. His desire as stated to you breaks all the incest taboos and the moral imperative not to do harm to the helpless. He doesn't even seem to understand that morally it is horrible. And it seems likely that he has already done this, since who would just think of this out of the blue? I worry that there are already traumatized and confused kids in his wake. I don't suppose you have any way to prove that he said this to you? If you had an audiotape or a video of him saying this, you could report him or at least warn people in his family who have babies. But if you were to just tell someone in his family, he would probably say you are crazy or lying.
What is particularly distressing is that he not only thinks it is just fine to sexually abuse babies, he thought you would acquiesce. He is so out of touch with what is normal, moral and decent that he has no compunction in mentioning it. But he must know it is an unusual thing to ask, because he first manipulated you entirely by "treating you like a queen" in hopes that you would acquiesce to him having sexual activity using his own child's body for sexual gratification. That is horrible on so many levels.
I am sorry you still love him. I suggest, you don't really even know him. You just like the nice way he treated you when he wanted to use you in the grand scheme to provide a baby upon whose body he could masturbate. I think you were used in every way, especially emotionally.
Please see a therapist. You have been traumatized, and it will help.
6 Comments
Hello Mrs. AnnieBrooke,
Thank you so much for your reply. I am very relieved after your comment. Yes, he made me fall in love with him, and then told me about his problem after being together for one year, and by the way, it is a long distance relationship, so I saw him just twice. Before telling me abt his fantasies, he first asked me if it was okay with me that some men be attracted to young girls. He said that all men are attracted to young girls, but they don't say it. I told him to specify the age, he replied " 16,17,18,19,20". I felt uncomfortable when he said that. He also told me that he is always turned on when he is around young girls. I was very uncomfortable with all of these ideas, but I kept silent. That's the mistake I did. After that, I started researching, and found out that this is paedophilia, but the thing is that he is only attracted to young girls, not to boys or baby boys. That's the crazy thing. Later, one day, he suddenly told me that there is a difference between "cumming" and " sexual intercourse". The former, according to him, is emotional, whilst the latter is sexual. This is the part in which he said that he would like to masturbate on our daughter. I was shocked. How come ? The babygirl does not even exist and this is how he is thinking about her ? Normally, a father is a source of protection for his daughter. I then realized that I am in a big problem and that is very abnormal. I never ever ever in my life thought or even imagined that these kinds of nasty ideas or fantasies exist in this world. I m so so innocent and naive, but my gut feelings were always guiding me.
By the way, he never wanted children and he does not want them in the futur. ( he told me that ) When I asked him why, he said « the world does not need me to have children, there are enough of them» he also said that children are very expensive and that he would like to enjoy life, and travel. When he saw me interested in having children, he also was interested, but was very hesitant. I am lucky that he was honest with me about his fantasies.
I got traumatized because I never imagined that someone who is VERY kind, generous, helpful, optimistic, caring, loving would have these abnormal thoughts. My impression about him changed right away when he told me about his abnormal sexual desires. So, I lived in emotional conflict for so long. I did not know what to do. I was just lost. I was going to end up my life, because I was very traumatized. Thank God, my friends helped me out and encouraged me until I got better.
When I break up with him, I told all people I know, and all of them agreed that this person is sick in the head, and needs a therapy. My mom never liked him since the beginning. The fiance messaged me and I told him to see a psychologist. He didn't accept the idea, and rather blamed me for ruining his "reputation" and spreading " lies about him" lol. He was trying to make me feel guilty for the fantasies he had, and he wanted to take revenge by modifying some of my pictures I sent him a long time ago, and put them in the internet to ruin my reputation. I swear I was just shaking with fear. I asked him to never contact me and blocked him, and deleted everything that reminds me of him.
I am still emotinally traumatized, but I am sure I will overcome it, because I am a strong person, and I believe I was used and manipulated at all levels. So this helps. If he really LoVED me, he would go to a psychotherapist to get the help he needs, but he never accepted my advice, and rather blame me for accusing him of something that he is not.
Thank you so much for your reply. It is very kind of you, and I really appreciate it. :)
Thank you so much for your reply. I am very relieved after your comment. Yes, he made me fall in love with him, and then told me about his problem after being together for one year, and by the way, it is a long distance relationship, so I saw him just twice. Before telling me abt his fantasies, he first asked me if it was okay with me that some men be attracted to young girls. He said that all men are attracted to young girls, but they don't say it. I told him to specify the age, he replied " 16,17,18,19,20". I felt uncomfortable when he said that. He also told me that he is always turned on when he is around young girls. I was very uncomfortable with all of these ideas, but I kept silent. That's the mistake I did. After that, I started researching, and found out that this is paedophilia, but the thing is that he is only attracted to young girls, not to boys or baby boys. That's the crazy thing. Later, one day, he suddenly told me that there is a difference between "cumming" and " sexual intercourse". The former, according to him, is emotional, whilst the latter is sexual. This is the part in which he said that he would like to masturbate on our daughter. I was shocked. How come ? The babygirl does not even exist and this is how he is thinking about her ? Normally, a father is a source of protection for his daughter. I then realized that I am in a big problem and that is very abnormal. I never ever ever in my life thought or even imagined that these kinds of nasty ideas or fantasies exist in this world. I m so so innocent and naive, but my gut feelings were always guiding me.
By the way, he never wanted children and he does not want them in the futur. ( he told me that ) When I asked him why, he said « the world does not need me to have children, there are enough of them» he also said that children are very expensive and that he would like to enjoy life, and travel. When he saw me interested in having children, he also was interested, but was very hesitant. I am lucky that he was honest with me about his fantasies.
I got traumatized because I never imagined that someone who is VERY kind, generous, helpful, optimistic, caring, loving would have these abnormal thoughts. My impression about him changed right away when he told me about his abnormal sexual desires. So, I lived in emotional conflict for so long. I did not know what to do. I was just lost. I was going to end up my life, because I was very traumatized. Thank God, my friends helped me out and encouraged me until I got better.
When I break up with him, I told all people I know, and all of them agreed that this person is sick in the head, and needs a therapy. My mom never liked him since the beginning. The fiance messaged me and I told him to see a psychologist. He didn't accept the idea, and rather blamed me for ruining his "reputation" and spreading " lies about him" lol. He was trying to make me feel guilty for the fantasies he had, and he wanted to take revenge by modifying some of my pictures I sent him a long time ago, and put them in the internet to ruin my reputation. I swear I was just shaking with fear. I asked him to never contact me and blocked him, and deleted everything that reminds me of him.
I am still emotinally traumatized, but I am sure I will overcome it, because I am a strong person, and I believe I was used and manipulated at all levels. So this helps. If he really LoVED me, he would go to a psychotherapist to get the help he needs, but he never accepted my advice, and rather blame me for accusing him of something that he is not.
Thank you so much for your reply. It is very kind of you, and I really appreciate it. :)
I forgot that one day he said if it was ok with me that our futur daughter see us having a " sexual intercourse". I was like what the f... ??
You only saw him just twice in a whole year, or are you saying in a whole courtship? And what was the rest, just online?
It is easy to build an image in your mind of whatever you want a man to be, when you don't actually have to interact. It is hardly surprising he was able to fool you, this man was a master manipulator of your desire to hear romantic things. There are probably many men you know in person, who you have seen how they behave in good times and bad, that you can understand and see as they really are. It would be so smart of you to stick with relationships like that.
I am glad your friends rallied around you, and am very glad you are taking heart.
It is easy to build an image in your mind of whatever you want a man to be, when you don't actually have to interact. It is hardly surprising he was able to fool you, this man was a master manipulator of your desire to hear romantic things. There are probably many men you know in person, who you have seen how they behave in good times and bad, that you can understand and see as they really are. It would be so smart of you to stick with relationships like that.
I am glad your friends rallied around you, and am very glad you are taking heart.
Yes, I saw him just twice in the whole courtship, and that was not enough. Though we were talking every single day, but face to face interaction is the most important thing to see someone 's true colors and put him or her under the test, and see how the person behaves in situations, but I was just I don t know. I still cannot belive that he used me, really. I am still not able to believe that he just wants to use me for his own fantasies, given his manners and behaviors towards me. The man was head over heels in love with me. Sometimes, I just feel like I am dreaming and this is not happening, and that hebis a normal person, but I was crushed, and shattered into pieces, and that s the price of being naive and kind, I believe :(
Yes, I saw him just twice in the whole courtship, and that was not enough. Though we were talking every single day, but face to face interaction is the most important thing to see someone 's true colors and put him or her under the test, and see how the person behaves in situations, but I was just I don t know. I still cannot belive that he used me, really. I am still not able to believe that he just wants to use me for his own fantasies, given his manners and behaviors towards me. The man was head over heels in love with me. Sometimes, I just feel like I am dreaming and this is not happening, and that hebis a normal person, but I was crushed, and shattered into pieces, and that s the price of being naive and kind, I believe :(
When you say, "I still cannot belive that he used me, really. I am still not able to believe that he just wants to use me for his own fantasies, given his manners and behaviors towards me," I would respond to you that he is a good manipulator, and found a willing victim (at least willing to believe what he said to you about you.) If your desire to believe the fantasy he projected had not been so very strong, you would doubtless have seen through his game faster than you did (which, apparently you are not quite even now willing to believe was a game). When you see a counselor, please ask her what caused you to need to believe this fantasy so much, such that you believed a relationship in which you only met in person two times was real? That is not a relationship, it is a charade. I am so sorry. But your grief now is the residue of how much you wanted to believe a perfect man loved perfect you, so very perfectly. A relationship in which you only meet face to face twice is not real. A man who is so charming that he never has a bad moment is not honest. Be sure you don't open yourself to be prey of someone like this again.
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