(this story started in South America)
I was married at the age of 15 with an abusive man. By the age of 16 I had my first son, my husband who happened to be high most of the time was also physically and mentally abusive to both of us. He died when my son was 2.5 years old.
I got in love and got married again when my son was 5 years old. shortly after we got married my husband brought one of his brothers to live with us because he did not have a place to stay. Accepting that miserable in my house was the biggest mistake I have ever made. He sexually abused my son for about a year without us knowing. in the other hand my husband was very strict with my son about his eating habits and his behavior and I allowed that because at the time I thought that it was for good and not abusive as my previous marriage, since he was not really aggressive, but it was a lot of screaming around for everything. My son probably never said anything about the ******* that was sexually abusing him because he was afraid and the step father on top of him and me the enabler mother. My poor son probably was living a very unhappy year. Finally one day that my husband has to travel for few days and I attempted to leave my son with the ******* alone in the house he asked me no to leave him alone with him because he was doing horrible things to him and after my questioning he told me everything that has happened to him, since that day I throw the ******* out of my house and he escaped from the police by moving to another country.
After that we had very difficult years, struggling financially, trying to get some decent work experience me and my husband were both very young and really did not know what to do at the time, my son turned into an everyday more difficult kid, obviously affected for the trauma that the ******* had caused and without the proper help, I visited few psychologist and psychiatrist (We did not find the right people) my son wet the bed until he was like 12, and our life was a nightmare, my husband was violent with my son, and is not that he did not care about him, but he did not know how to handle a kid that was not well behaved and I did not do anything to stop that, since I had not clue about what to do in a situation like that, plus I was also overwhelmed and by that time we had two younger kids to take care of. It was lots of problems between them. We still have some time for some good times and my kids were all going to school. I had a very hard time making my oldest one to graduate from the high school and had to visit the principal of every school he went to. In two occasions I had to move him from school because he had problem accepting authority from the teachers. Fortunately since they were on private school that was not a big issue, other than getting him accepted. He was always very smart, intelligent and hyperactive (I learned later about that but back then, had not clue about those things). working young parents attending community college at nights and with this problem at home, I still don't know how our marriage survived. We got better jobs, then our own business, I sent my oldest son to study the last year of high school living with my mom, he graduated after summer schooling with lots of effort, and them I register to a college of my choice, since he did not seem to want to go anywhere.
Then obviously he asked me for a change and I accepted because understand that it was his right to do what he wanted in that regards and send him to the city of his choice, after that we moved to the US and he came with my husband 6 months after that, but things were not better, the gap was big and his anger was there. My husband was not tolerant and I saw the nightmare close to begin, after approx a year, my son did not wanted to go to community college and just sleep in the house all day and was on the phone or computer all night with his girlfriend in Venezuela and probably some other friends.
One day he turned very verbally violent with us because I went to insist on him registering for classes and sent us to hell. Long story short, he went back to South America on the condition of having some support from us if he finds his way and go to college there, which he did and he was a very good student.
We helped him as much as we could since our situation was not very good but he got his education at least.
he came back to US with his girlfriend and both stayed with us for some time, until they got married and moved out.
With him has been always like walking on eggshells, the arguments between him and my husband never ended, and both are proud of each other but never share that. We know he loves us as much as we love him, but things are not easy at all.
He is married now and has one child that is the most precious gift that God have sent to our lives, We love him very much and he knows it.
About two years ago my husband and I were drinking and talking to his in-laws who used to come to visit often and we had vacations together, and my son and his wife hear a part of a conversation between the four of us criticizing him for his organizational and work habits (we are not proud of us doing that). He obviously resent that tremendously and I my husband and I went to apologize with him for what we did even though we did not say anything that was not true, we know that it was not right to do it at all.
He told us that we are dead to him. ad cut relationship with the family entirely. He came back to us once last year and I we were very happy about it, but it did not last long, because shortly after he told me on the phone that did not want any contact with us and exploited all his past frustrations out with my that day over the phone, leaving me devastated, and when my husband called being innocent of our conversation, just sent him to hell. My husband just hanged up the phone and called me to ask what was going on.
We both decided to wait until he heals, if he ever do. We love them very much and miss our grandson a lot. It has been 8 months since then. They are going to have another baby (I learned that from my sister, that is basically the only one he talks to)
Please if someone can help, I am desperate and do not know if waiting is really the only thing to do, I made too many mistakes already and do not want to make another one. I want my son and grand kids back, we want to be part of their lives.