Need some opinions

[Amie635]

So heres the scenario:

I was with a guy for a long time, but wasn't ready to be intimate. Later I felt presured and I did it, I told him my concerns and he reasured me that I was just being silly, he really loved me and he wasn't going anywhere. The day after we slept together, he said he had changed his mind, he wasn't looking for love and we will talk about it the next day. He never contacted me again. Turns out he gave me an STD which is incurable. I contacted him and told him, he never said sorry, he never said anthing. When I see him around, he smugly smiles and his friends leer. I just hold my head up high and try and act unconcerned.

I got on with my life and met someone new who is amazing. I know the guy who tricked me is tricking other girls. Professing love for them, sleeping with them, then dumping them fully well knowing he has something and they are more than likely to have it too.

Sometimes I am torn because I could so easily e-mail his 'victims' tell them breifly and warn them so they don't have to go through what I went through, but I worry if thats a bad thing to do, and if I will have to pay consequences.

Out of curiosity, if any one else was in a situation like that, what would they do? Leave it, bite your tongue and hope one day he grows a soul and stops doing this, or put yourself out there and let others know what he is capable of...

[imanaddict]

Shout it from the rooftops! What a scumbag!

[Amie635]

Wow, thats disgraceful, I'm so sorry for your daughter. It isn't right that there are people out there like that.

[PromisedLand]

This almost sounds like my former stepson, 39, who essentially raped my daughter after seducing her via text message for months..on the night of my son's death...he has no concern whatsoever for other people or whom he hurts...  He was kind enough to call her a few days later and congratulate her on her lifelong disease....it would not surprise me one bit if he were still doing this...my only hope is that he's on the 3 strikes and your out thing in Calif and he has 2 strikes..

In this case I would go along with specialmom.

[Amie635]

Wow I never knew that I could possibly take action. There are reasons why I never thought of it, 1) I never knew I could 2) I doubt they would be sympathetic and 3) would he really be punished at all?

As much as I hate him for using me, promising me things knowing how innocent I was at the time then dumping me, I also take some of the responsibility because I did have a choice. I just really wish I'd of had the courage to say no. Heinsight is a wonderful thing. Half way through I did tel him to stop, huddled under the covers and said he was using me, to which he laughed and told me not to be silly, that I needed to trust hm, before climbing ontop of me again. I do get flashbacks which haunt me sometimes, and when I walk past him I have a mini panic attack which I try very hard to not show. I'll walk past him and be quivering inside, then as soon as he's passed I have to stop and let out a big breathe before calming myself down and carrying on.

And I also agree speacialmom, the only reason I've been able to deal with this is by constanty reminding myself it could be a lot worse.  

[Amie635]

Thank you everyone! The whole time I wanted to do something, tell these girls, tell his friends. At one point I was going to email his Mother in the hope she would force him to get treatment and practise safe sex, though I couldn't find her contact info.

My best friend whom I am incredibly close to, and my new boyfriend have all said its a bad idea by telling others. They want me to get over this and move on, they say I can't waste my life by taking his responsibility, he will never stop what he is doing or be sorry. The thing is though, I could do it anonomously, so that I would not give my identity away. I just worry he will find out it is me, and then in return tell everyone that it was me who had it in the first place.

I am just torn between what I want to do (warn everyone) and what I think is best (get on with my life and heal). These comments have been wonderful though, its nice to hear from people who share my point of view. I will definately have to think about it more.

[paxista]

  Legally speaking, in this area the UK has laws similar to the USA. It's not an open and shut case, but if enough witnesses testify and the barrister is good enough, this guy might be nailed for assault. He has a strong defense in the word "consensual", but you have a strong offense in the word "predatory". If the jury is sympathetic, "pressured" can be interpreted as rape. You would be asked why you didn't come forward sooner; you don't seem to be treating it as rape (and it may or may not be), so the jury would probably be divided on the issue.
  It sounds like you are not looking for remuneration, but stopping him from assaulting other unfortunate souls. That falls under criminal law.
  The legal system moves very slowly. Out of love for your fellow woman, warn others. I love specialmom's advice - tell someone with a big mouth and a sympathetic heart.

[jasmine273]

I would tell the other women.  It is his responsibility to tell the other women, but clearly he is not being ethical.  Although I understand that it is a very sensitive subject.  Use your discretion, and do all that you can to help the others, even if it means talking to them after the fact.

[ANewLife4Me]

Wow, I just cannot believe that this guy is doing this!  I agree with Mami and would not only try warning every girl you can, but I would see what kind of legal action you could take as well.  He needs to be stopped!  And congrats on finding your new wonderful guy!

[specialmom]

Oh that is a tough one.  In my single days out in the social scene-------  there was a guy like this.  He was good looking, charismatic, successful.  Every girl wanted him to be her boyfriend.  He just wanted to sleep with them and then would leave them with an STD.  How did I know about it?  Enough people did and talked about it that he became "that guy".  So, while I don't necessarily like to drudge up issues with someone or dwell on the past-----------  if you know any girls (particularly any with a big mouth)-------  go ahead and tell them.  I'd try to call and not put it in writing.  And I'd go ahead and let some people know.  At the same time, you are advertising that you now have this STD as well . . . but that is the risk you run with this.  

That guy sounds like a disgusting pig and I do hope that he gets a huge broken heart some day!  You are so better off without him-------------  I can see wanting revenge.  But I think you should thank your lucky stars that you only got an STD and nothing else (as in an unwanted pregnancy).  Sorry that happened to you though.  I'm glad you've found someone nice to be with!

[mami1323]

I would put myself out there and warn other women.  At least you would know that you tried, even if they don't listen.  I just think it's really wrong and I'm sorry you had to go through that.  This guy is a predator.  I wonder if there are some legal ramifications for what he's doing.  I remember there was a case out there where a man was purposely going around and sleeping with women to contract them with the HIV virus.  I would see what criminal action you could take.  But yes, I think it's your duty to let these other women know what they are walking into.