Need to stop being mean before its to late.

[justcruising]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile. He is one of the most amazingest people ever and makes me feel so speaciaI all the time i couldn't get anymore happier. But im a paranoid girlfriend i think if he goes out he is going to try pick up other girls or if he says something i instantly react back to him and tell him your just going to have sex with other girls. I seem to start arguments all the time over nothing that last for aleast an hour and then at times i act like the biggest ***** to him. I dont know how to stop what im doing and i dont want to loose him im with him pretty much everyday and when im not i miss seeing him. I also get really paranoid he is going to get back with him ex that really really hurt him and played around with his best friend which i know wont happen but i still get worried and he still keeps pictures of them. What do i do to stop? cause im really trying here.

[Katona1700s]

Ahhh i been through that not too long ago!!! I think my boyfriend is so special, handsome, and sweet to me. but i started to feel as though his "chick" friends were trying to flirt with him and i know its hard to ignore something like that. I  even asked him if he would leave me for a prettier girl and he said no. Trust me, you dont want to not believe a truthful guy, cuz it can cause drama-such as you are experiancing. Tell you what, why dont you sit down with him and just tell him that you feel insecure (dont yell, just have a soft tone to your voice to make you sound sad). I think everyone goes through this phase.
I panicked a few weeks ago. I became almost obsessed and clingy. I began to think he was bored with me and he was going to break up with me. I spent 3hours one night looking up stuff from guys point of view.
Believe it or not, it was my fault, i misunderstood. Guys get scared just like us girls. A guy will look for a girl who handles herself proudly (securly:not whiny about their looks), when you are happy then he is and if he isnt happy then dont let yourself fall into that gloomy state because that makes things worse. I could go on and on, but i wont rant cuz i get carried away.
Please get back with us so we know how you are doing! If you want anymore suggestions on how to fix things, just ask!
<3 katona1700s

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Ugh.  Well, I'm glad that you've found a nice guy that is worth trying to look closely at your own behavior for!  That is how we make good changes in our life and self and we all have room for improvement.

Trying to control the other person is a protective mechanism.   I agree that perhaps some talk therapy would be beneficial for you to understand why you have fear inside about losing your guy.   Being insecure is part of the problem but it is most likely even deeper than that.  If you've had rejection in your past, parents that betrayed you or divorced when you were young, etc. will all contribute to the overwhelming urge to "HOLD onto" your partner.  So looking at the past may help with your future.  Getting strategies for controlling yourself would be good too.

Impulse control is something that we all have to work on.  Some have to work really hard.  :>)  If there is an underlying reason that you have issues controling yourself such as anxiety, OCD or add/adhd-----------  working on the underlying issue will be the first step.  Then with impusivity and will power------------  a goal would be to slow down the process of reaction.  Things like having a go to thought process when you feel that fear bubbling up.  I think of it as a 'stop' button in our brain.  You have to get that sensation of wanting to lash out and then 'push' that stop button.  Take some breaths.  That pause can help you control yourself.  

I also think that telling your boyfriend that you are working on this is important.  Tell him that you don't want to react that way and are trying to stop.  Ask him to be patient-------  and if you lose control and not get that stop button fast enough---------  still hit stop and add an "I'm sorry" right away.  Don't continue along the same pattern even if you mess it up here and there----------  your reaction is a habit, breaking a habit takes time.

I agree that I'd address this.  Most people will tire of this type of interaction.  Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[freespirit78]

It seems you are feeling very insecure in this relationship and there is always a reason for feeling this way. Have you been hurt by a guy in the past and if so Is it possible that you are finding it hard to trust again because of this. You need to sit  down and talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel and your reasons, if you know what they are.
Therapy is also an option to deal with any insecurities you may have. It could be a great help to you in this relationship or any future relationships you may have.

[AnnieBrooke]

I guess you have to decide how important he really is to you.  Drama is no fun for the guy, and it kind of sounds like you don't have any brakes to your mouth.  If you really can't put a sock in it and stop being so accusatory and blurting it all out, and if he means that much to you, see a therapist and truly work on why you say such things.

[lilymoon]

Maybe instead of snapping at him,try to express honestly that youre feeling insecure.....lily