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Needing Advice
I'm not sure what topic to use, so this one should do.
I need advice on what to do about my Fiance's spending. I am 19, engaged and living with my fiance. we have been living together for just short of a year. We plan to move in early Aug/09 so that I can go to college. We have yet to start saving for the move because of My Fiance's spending. I work in a section of town where there really isn't anything for me to buy. also I work for a sports vehicle dealership (Polaris, Yamaha, that sort of thing) and I really can't afford a vehicle here and the clothes and things barely tempt me. so I usually spend about 100 give or take every 2 weeks to a month. and my Fiance spend double or more in the same time frame. Its also usually on things we really don't need. there isn't much we NEED right now and he works at a Staples (he's a tech) and he is constantly tempted by the things in front of him. he comes home with games, movies, recently X-Box live. though admitedly I play that to and he bought me Live so we could both play. but the point stands that he is an exsessive spender.
The Problem; He contradics himself or takes controle of the funds and I feel I have to ask for permission to use the money. Though of course he never says that and I know he doesn't mean for it to seem that way. its just that we turned HIS account into a joint account. so I feel odd as its still fairly new to me. He contradicts himself by saying "I hate spending money" sadly its usually when I want something. and then he goes and gets himself or "US, I get them for US" and thats his contradiction. he says he can't bring himself to buy something if he can't justify it.
Honestly I'm tempted to take controle of the situation and limit him to 80 a week. and that would mean he could only get lunch unless we both wanted something else. but then I know that would be to harsh and I would be controlling... But I really want to save. its not even about me not spending. its about him spending when we BOTH know we should be saving!
Please HELP!! I don't know how to talk to him about it so that he gets it!?!? I have talked to him about it before but then of course its near Christmas and its impossible to save this time of year...
I would love ANY advice on this!!
thank you
I need advice on what to do about my Fiance's spending. I am 19, engaged and living with my fiance. we have been living together for just short of a year. We plan to move in early Aug/09 so that I can go to college. We have yet to start saving for the move because of My Fiance's spending. I work in a section of town where there really isn't anything for me to buy. also I work for a sports vehicle dealership (Polaris, Yamaha, that sort of thing) and I really can't afford a vehicle here and the clothes and things barely tempt me. so I usually spend about 100 give or take every 2 weeks to a month. and my Fiance spend double or more in the same time frame. Its also usually on things we really don't need. there isn't much we NEED right now and he works at a Staples (he's a tech) and he is constantly tempted by the things in front of him. he comes home with games, movies, recently X-Box live. though admitedly I play that to and he bought me Live so we could both play. but the point stands that he is an exsessive spender.
The Problem; He contradics himself or takes controle of the funds and I feel I have to ask for permission to use the money. Though of course he never says that and I know he doesn't mean for it to seem that way. its just that we turned HIS account into a joint account. so I feel odd as its still fairly new to me. He contradicts himself by saying "I hate spending money" sadly its usually when I want something. and then he goes and gets himself or "US, I get them for US" and thats his contradiction. he says he can't bring himself to buy something if he can't justify it.
Honestly I'm tempted to take controle of the situation and limit him to 80 a week. and that would mean he could only get lunch unless we both wanted something else. but then I know that would be to harsh and I would be controlling... But I really want to save. its not even about me not spending. its about him spending when we BOTH know we should be saving!
Please HELP!! I don't know how to talk to him about it so that he gets it!?!? I have talked to him about it before but then of course its near Christmas and its impossible to save this time of year...
I would love ANY advice on this!!
thank you
Try talking about it with him like you mentioned. Remind him that you're supposed to be in this together and work toward what's really important. Tell him that you're going to school and if the relationship and marriage is going to work you need to set rules that you're both going to stick to; you can't spend more than a certian amount and you have to let the other person know what you're planning on buying before you buy it. If both agree, then the purchase can be made. Remind him of your goal to save money. Having a set allowance for both of you should work. Take control of the check book and balance everything so you know what money is going to and where it needs to stop going like video games and stuff like that that he can live without. Tell him that it's not going to work out if he can't even save money to start your marriage off right. Good luck. I hope everything turns out ok and that he understands what needs to be done.
Maybe. Honestly the idea of seperating accounts makes me feel like I'm taking a step back. I would just prefer to try talking to him again before I suggest it.
There isn't anything wrong with separate accounts. It really makes it easier to keep track of. It would help him learn how to budget and he also might not spend as much.
good ideas. Not what I had hoped to hear but what we need to hear is rarely what we'd like to.
I think I will try talking to him about it first. remind him of what we want and what it will take to get it. My friend suggested that I make it a rule that BOTH of us agree on something before we buy it. which I think is a good Idea. So, I think I'll try that before I suggest we get seperate accounts.
I guess it takes the opinions of others to open you up to your own. :)
Thank you!
I think I will try talking to him about it first. remind him of what we want and what it will take to get it. My friend suggested that I make it a rule that BOTH of us agree on something before we buy it. which I think is a good Idea. So, I think I'll try that before I suggest we get seperate accounts.
I guess it takes the opinions of others to open you up to your own. :)
Thank you!
You need to have separate accounts because you aren't married.
Your goal is to go to school, and if you are going to have to pay for school yourself (without parent help, for example) you owe it to yourself to keep your finances separate so you can accomplish your goal. You sound much more mature with money than he does.
Your goal is to go to school, and if you are going to have to pay for school yourself (without parent help, for example) you owe it to yourself to keep your finances separate so you can accomplish your goal. You sound much more mature with money than he does.
Its not at all that I don't trust him with money its just that I need to find a way to get him to realize how much he is spending. and get him to stop spending so much. I know he means well but he needs to know that he isn't spending it on things we need. Yes these things are nice to have but we don't need them. and I need a way to get him to see that.
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