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1316182 tn?1285162316

New feelings

I have been experiencing new feelings lately that are VERY strong. These are feelings of wanting another child. I have no idea where these came from. I am a 29 year old female in a relationship and living with a man. We each have one child. I have an 8 year old, and he has a 6 1/2 year old. We both have them full time. We both work good full-time jobs. So, financially, we can afford it. Besides, I hate my job, so I'd be happy to take on a maternity leave! LOL The problem is that he is on medication that would damage the health of our unborn child. So, we haven't been trying. He also says he does not want anymore children. I used to be on the same page until now. He could stop the medication. It makes him grumpy anyways, and his skin condition (the reason he's taking the meds) isn't getting any better. Although for someone who doesn't want anymore children, he sure doesn't try to take the necessary precautions to use proper birth control. I'm not on the pill. I make him wear condoms, much to his dissatisfaction, because, excuse my graphic nature, he doesn't pull out. I know the pull out method isn't 100%, but I also watch my cycle and make sure he uses condoms around the fertile dates. My sister just announced that she is pregnant with her first child. She is married and owns a house. We are saving for a house next summer. He continues to say he doesn't want to get married. I do. I just want to have a proper family and a nice house for our children to grow up in. Maybe I need to re-evaluate our relationship. We may be at different phases in our lives. I have been feeling different about him for awhile now. I think that I may be realizing we are too different for each other. So why the wanting of another child? Will I feel different about him later? Is this normal? Ask away. I will provide you all with any answers you are seeking.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
Its natural for a woman to feel maternal at any stage,it has probably been brought on stronger because of your sister,what my concern is your relationship,it dont sound strong enough to have a baby in it,not that i am knocking you but you seem to be having doubts as to whether you want to stay in this relationship,maybe this idea of having a child will stop you having these doubts i dont know,but i do think you need to seriously sit down speak to your partner and figure out if you are still wanting the same things out of life and if you both still want to be together,good luck
1316182 tn?1285162316
Well that's the thing. I don't understand why I'm feeling so maternal when I'm feeling  so differently about my relationship. We have been fighting alot. We always make up. Usually he apologizes first. He should be, seeing as usually the fights erupt because of something he said or did. I'm no angel, and can be tough on him. But, alot of it is to do with maturity, I think. He can get angry and say some mean things to the children and I or at least in front of the children. He will always apologize after. But it's not right. Alot of times it seems that having a child was and still is a burden on him. Yes he did take full custody of his daughter, because the mother is useless. But he is "lazy" as a parent. Like, on the weekends I want to do things as a family (Me, my daughter, him and his daughter). He promises during the week that we will do someting fun. Come the weekend, he doesn't want to get out of bed at a decent time. He stays up late playing video games. I will try to get him out of bed, even at 11a.m. He becomes grumpy and tells me to go out alone with my daughter and he will stay home and "hang out" with his. By that, he means he will eventually move from the bed to the sofa and continue to sleep there, while his daughter plays on her laptop and watches t.v. Do you think she is happy doing that? He thinks she's content with that, because she's spending time with him. Yeah ok!  From me getting upset with him, he has changed a bit. But, if the kids start fighting, he wants to blow the plans we had. Kids will fight. That's normal. It doesn't mean we keep them bottled up inside the house all weekend. Excuse me for venting. Yes, he is slowly making an improvement. But, I don't want to have to be his mother. I don't want to have to tell him to pick up his wrappers after late night snacking, to pick his clothes up off the floor, to not mix the dirty laundry with the clean, to not play violent video games in front of the children, to not lie (huge problem there), to not act immature, etc. He is getting better. But, it shouldn't have been this way to begin with. I will stick by him and help him, because he always tells me I'm good for him and he needs me to guide him. He has alot of great qualities also. He's affectionate, sensitive, faithful, and loyal. I don't have trust issues with him, like I have had with others in the past. So, basically I just need to weigh out the pros and cons if things don't continue to improve.
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I think when we are in a situation we aren't loving (your job) . . . our mind starts to wander as to ways to change it.  A baby is a perfect distraction.  And when a relationship is up and down, the thought of a baby bringing two people closer does pop up even if it is subconscious.  It is certainly one way to tie a couple together forever.  I don't know if that is what is going on but maybe a percentage of it has to do with this.  And it wouldn't just force him to stay with you or be connected to you------- it would force YOU to stay and be connected to him.  Maybe you are having an internal battle of sorts.  

When it comes to having children, if one partner is pretty firm that they do not want children------- well, you can make a valient effort to change their mind but unless you do, you should not have a child with them.  It isn't fair to them in my opinion.  And it often ends badly and brings much more tension into a relationship than was there before.  If you really really want a baby,  then this is not the right partner unless he changes his mind.  

I could list the 1000 things my husband does that bugs me.  It is just plain hard to live with someone.  You have to decide if the little annoyances are a symptom of a bigger problem.  And your desire for a baby now is trying to put a band aid on it.  

And I agree, now is the time to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and decide which direction to take.  And it never hurts to think about what other kinds of jobs you can do or places you can work to use your skills.  Good luck
1316182 tn?1285162316
Thank-you fro the advice. Yes, I don't plan on trying to get pregnant at all. I just have the strong feelings. But I also have a strong head. I was doing alot of venting yesterday. I also brought that anger home with me. Last night he promised to throw a load of laundry in, especially my work clothes, and do the dinner dishes. He did neither. He played video games all night and slept on the couch. This is becoming an every night thing. And now that he's almost beaten this game, there is a new one being released this week, that he will purchase. So, it's a never-ending cycle. I blew up at him this morning, and we got into an arguement. I stressed to him that he is making me become someone I do not like. I don't want to ***** and nag. That's not my kind of personality. But, I feel like a tired mother reprimanding her teenage son. Before I left for work, he apologized and acknowledged the fact he has been acting this way. So, we will hopefully continue to work on this. He has more good qualities than bad, so it's worth it. We just need to work on the bad.
Avatar universal
Yes, time to re-evaluate your relationship with this man...
Is he really a good influence on your daughter? That would be my MAIN concern.. and its something that you really need to think about and be honest with yourself about...
All the stress and fighting and not nice things that he says..cant be healthy for a child...

I'd be out of there yesterday...
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