Obsession with stds may ruin my relationship! Help!

[jennykate]

Hi, guys I have posted on this forum a few times before & u all helped me a lot. So, thanx! However I'm back w more concerns. My bf & I r in a good relationship no major issues there besides my anxiety! I have been dealing w a lot this year, but my obsession I have w stds almost ruined my relationship at one point...I excused my bf of cheating when I had no real proof, I wanted him to get tested multiply times just to appease my obsession! I'm seeking professional help about this obsession, but it doesn't seem to be helping :-( I feel my obsession/anxiety is making a comeback...I just need advice on how not to let it affect my relationship again. I can't go through this stress again & neither can my bf! Please give me some advice.

[specialmom]

There is nothing to be ashamed of hon.  Like I said, 1 in 4 American adults needs this extra help.  It is so much more common than you think.  Your brain chemistry is just a little off right now and you'll right it and things will be better.  Your brain is good because you have enough sense to want to help yourself!!  Side effects for the majority of meds used for OCD may have some start up side effects that peter out.  The goal is to start with a low dose and then titrate up very slowly until the desired effect takes place.  It can take 6 to 12 weeks.  In the end, you should have few side effects but your symptoms of ocd under control.  That is my hope for you.  Scary side effects are rare.  Remember, if you have anxiety, you could be having anxiety about taking the meds.  
Get them on bourd and go from there.  good luck

[jennykate]

I really considering it at this point! I'm to the point of frustration now w myself! I'm just so disappointed! No one in my fam knows I'm seeing a therapist. So, I don't wanna be on medication and have some adverse side effects and they won't know how to help me. This is all so stressful to me sometimes I just wish I could replace my brain!! I NEVER think of anything else!!! I will consult w my doc about what meds r good!!

[specialmom]

Hi.  OCD responds really well to medication.  While I understand that taking a pill is scary and there is always a risk of side effects----------  the choices available today are pretty good.  The vast majority tolerate them really well.  Do you know that one in four American adults take an antidepressent/anxiety medication?  If you need it, you need it.  Trust your therapist/physician to help guide you if they think medication will help.  I've seen it completely change people's lives for the better.  Your benefit of stopping these life ruining obsessions outweighs the risks--------- in my opinion.  But your doctor and you will make that final call.  

Not an advertisement for medication--------- but some anxiety/ocd can NOT be controlled otherwise.  good luck.

[jennykate]

Yes you both are right I know its an irrational fear! I've done everything in my power these past few months to focus my mind&attn elsewhere. I just started a new job&am taking classes to get into this masters program...I thought being more focused on those things would put an end to this, but I still think about stds while doing those things.

My doc does specialize in anxiety/ocd. She suggest I get on meds! I'm just really scared to do that. Never been on any meds so I have no idea what they would do to me.

At perch101 we have been using condoms and I have been tested for hiv like 3-4 w/in the past 3months. It always comes back negative, but my mind can't seem to except it. It has taken so much in me not to ask my bf to go back and get tested. He went it May&hes good w that.

Thanx guys for the advice I'm gonna check out this post on the OCD forum

[perch101]

Hey check out this thread on the OCD forum - it has close to 100 posts of people with the same fears as you. (from a really quick look at your post history it seems your main fear is HIV) I only very briefly skimmed it but there may be some ideas to help.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/OCD-and-Fear-of-HIV/show/457045

[mami1323]

I agree, it sounds like you suffer from OCD and with that you really need to get help from a cognitive behavioral therapist who is equipped in dealing with that particular disorder.  Your anxiety and obsessive thoughts will most likely increase and get worse as time goes on and as long as you don't deal with them properly.  If your boyfriend loves you and is patient, perhaps you can get through this together.  But he will get irritated with it all.  No one likes to be accused of doing something their not.  Good luck.

[perch101]

Jennykate, I remember your other post about this, and telling you he WILL eventually get tired of this and leave......... and I'm sure you really don't want that because it sounds like a good relationship.

Thing is - this is your issue - and you need to do your best not to make it his because he'll only put up with so much. When your anxiety/obsession with STD's start rising you need to remind yourself it's an irrational fear - and rather than begging him to get re-tested again and again you need to find inner resources to help you cope.

I know you say your getting proffessional help but its obviously not working - maybe time for a second opinion? Can I ask what kind of help - a therapist? Meds? It cannot hurt to see a new professonal who specialises in anxiety / OCD.

Also - while you get a handle on this - why not just use condoms? Have protected sex........ Or are you already doing this but the fear has gotton so bad you feel this isn't enough? Sorry for all the questions - just trying to get a better understanding!

Also remember - you need to get to the root of this problem BECAUSE - just asking him to test all the time is a band-aid approach - you have temprorary relief from this fear when the test is negative - and then as you've found it just starts to build again and you ask him to test again - and so the cycle goes!!