Oral Sex Help

[lane77]

Not sure if this is the right place to ask this but here it goes.

I've been married 10 years to my wife and  I love her but something bothers me.  I give her oral sex constantly and am very attentive to her orgasm.  She cannot orgasm by intercourse so I either do oral or manual stimulation until she orgasms.  But, she only rarely returns this even though she knows I appreciate it and even worse she has never "completed" the job.  I'm not saying that she has to do it all the time but I would think once in a while it would be nice.  She knows I would like her to and we've talked about it but she never does.  I had girlfriends who did that and I loved it.  I know it sounds funny but I felt like it was a commitment that I was looking for.  I give my all to the sexual needs of my wife and want that same commitment in return.  I'm not asking for something that is bizarre, I'm just asking her to swallow once in a while.  

Does anyone have any suggestions or am I just being a jerk?  I don't think I'm being a jerk because it's not like a guy doesn't get female fluid in his mouth.

I love her very much but sometimes am disappointed that she does not have a good sexual imagination or sexual energy.

Any one have a recommendation?

[Rud145]

I have been a sex therapist/marriage counselor for over 30 yrs.  I have seen couples with this problem time and time again. Here's what I tell men,
ALL men:
There is a difference between wanting something and fixating on it.
If your wife tried this in the beginning of the relationship but wouldn't there after, it only indicates that she tried but found she can't, not that she doesn't love you. In fact she may love you more than she could love anyone.
If you have been married more than 5 years you should be past this. If you are not past this it indicates you are fixated on it which is not a good thing.
Let me just say this to you, If your wife hates it that much and it causes her grief, why would you persist? If you love your wife, you would not want her to do anything that causes her grief. This is never productive.
Not only that, but if you become this fixated on one act, even after 5 yrs. of marriage then I would suggest you may need some personal counseling.
It's not normal to become fixated on one particular thing and dismiss the marriage because of it.

[beautifulbritty712]

I know this posting was a long time ago but I hope I can help you. First I want to point out that men usually finish just from intercourse, women don't. If you do other things for her to finish why does it matter you got your anyway! But I can understand what you are talking about. I guess I was the opposite of others I would only do this for my boyfriend on special occasions or if I had too much to drink. Now that we have been together for a long time I love to do this for him. I love to hear how he breathes when I do it and how good I make him feel, and it really turns me on. The act never did before, but I googled it. I read from guys why they love it, how it makes them feel loved and how a woman who can do this well is irreplacable. I always focused on just what I was doing before, but after googling it (he kept asking for it) I started focusing on what I was doing to him. It did disgust me before but now when I hear and see what I did to him I want to do it all the time. Also, about her swallowing it, my boyfriend said before me, and he is 35, nobody had ever finished him with oral sex. He also said he didn't like it because he thinks it smells funny and must taste nasty and didn't want to make me have it in my mouth, and I didn't even swallow. That consideration for me made me want to do it even more, I told him I liked it (even though it does not taste good) and he can do it whenever he wants and now I do it quite often. Maybe try getting with her one day and look up different techniques to try and read about how intimate it actually is. And show some consideration, if she doesn't want it in her mouth don't pressure her.  

[hldeskin]

I know its been a while and it seems like you resolved this but I'd like to put in my opinion.  I really enjoy giving my man oral... well I guess I just love the fact that he gets so excited about it... but I can't swollow.  I have a bad gag reflex and a weak stomach. So, to make up both happy we do a couple different things.  1) I give him oral in the shower so that when he does start to come I just stop and the water washes it right away  2) I start on him and when he's ready he pulls out and comes on my chest (its more sexy than it sounds...) or 3) We use oral as a warm up and before he's too close we move on to other things. There are ways to work it out so that you still get oral and she doesn't have to worry about trying to spit or swollow.  

[jml1986]

I agree with jo919, Talk about it with your partner and see what will satisfy both of you.

[jo929]

that is the only way to go talk with your spose first and then you will know whwre you stand    glad you got it straight  jo

[Talz]

Wow.. this is an intense forum.. I must join!!!


this probably should be posted a little higher.. but I just read all of this and I have a couple things to say..


I still cant believe that lane just ran away like that....and said "we" need to join the mental health board.. lol..when seems like alot of people on here were trying to help...

Hey lane.. you're the one who's complaining because his wife doesnt want to go down on him.. lol
Im glad you had your bottle of wine, but want to know something? Most of us women are really good at lying.. Hence the whole fake orgasm, we know how to trick men well, and Im sorry boys, alot of you fall for it...  maybe shes winning the game here.. ever thought of that???
Shes getting you to go down on her all the time and she doesnt need to do anything in return.. lol...   I think she might be winning...
Or... she just doesnt like ur "wee wee"...

Take care buddy!!
Next time you come on here pleading for advice and ALL Of these wonderful people on here are willing to  help you out anyway then can.. take the advice and shut up. Or don't bother posting on here.

[mommyluv2]

my boyfriend loves to het head and i dont really give it he dont go out any where and get it but will see i would give it to him only sometimes i cant see when i was a little girl starting at age 3 iwas forced to give my uncle head up untill i was 10 so when my boyfriend ask me to give him head sometimes i will even start to cry because i get scared and think about my past mayby your girl had something like that dont to her aswell so before to go getting upset maybe you should go a little deeper into your lady and ask i think i would kinda enjoy pleasing my man in that way if i could get over my own past.

[SeriousSam]

Actually I like going down on my lady but the joy is only partially from the taste and mostly from feeling the tendons in her legs trembling, her hips flexing and the way her eyes close and her lips part but...  Taste wise I think I still prefer sherbet over her taste though.

That is what I meant by saying what I did!!

I guarantee that if you quit giving him oral 100% he'd start getting resentful but since you both give as well as receive the pleasure is a source of joy not resentment.

[cmansmom]

I don't mind the oral, but I have never and probably wont swallow. When I get the pre *** taste i gotta stop and 'calm down my gag reflexes', lol. He either changes it up before he does his thing, or warns me so I dont get it in my mouth. =)

[kris123]

I don't like to give head either but the one thing that I DO ENJOY about it is seeing a man liking it and knowing "hey I made him feel good."  I hate the *** though and it just tastes nasty but I have always been one to swallow.  I swallow it jump out of the bed or where I am and brush my teeth!!!!!!!   It is a taste all to its own and not very good.  Never have I had a man *** on my face and if that ever happen, he would be hurting ;)

[sugarpea013]

wow. I know for an absolute fact my husband thoroughly enjoys going down. I think him and I share the same feeling on oral sex, we totally enjoy doing it and not just for the sheer pleasure of the other. Ya know I appreciate others opinions on this matter, but I don't think people should make blanket statements that nobody enjoys giving oral sex cuz that is COMPLETELY wrong. Speak for yourself.

Thank you good day

[SeriousSam]

Personally oral sex is something people do not because they enjoy it but rather they enjoy the pleasure it gives their partner.

So far as women giving oral sex?  Get a sax manual people!  Since when does oral sex on a guy have to be like swallowing 30" polish sausage?  Most of the best techniques do no even involve deep throating anything!

Next I'm just waiting to here that guys need giraffe like 20" tongues!  LOL just out of curiousity how many of the women who have posted think that they are a 100% pleasurable to perform oral sex upon?  Most people due this stuff for an unselfish concern for there partners pleasure.

ponder this.  men equate sex, or what they are willing to do in sex with love.
women equate love, or what they are willing to do in love with sex.

Then tell me are men or women the greater romantics?

[sugarpea013]

Come on people now
smile on your brother
every body get together
try and love one another
right now

lol

[slow_healer]

Wow, holy smokes.

girliegrl, there's a difference between "opinions" and accusations. People come here for opinions, yes, but not to be accused of being selfish and inconsiderate.

[mayflowers]

That's true Teko.  I wonder if I should post over there 'cause my panties are in a twist.  

[girliegrl1723]

1. i wasnt talking about bengineer specifically.
2. "You can feel vindicated in your position all the way to divorce court". if any other third person read this, what do you think they would think?
3. #2 qualifies as stone throwing.
4. i have no emotion invested in this forum or any other. i was simply stating my opinion of the situation and discusson up to that point. i think its a silly thing for people to be investing so much thought in. so i shared. why would anyone have such a huge problem with that? if you or anyone else doesnt like what i say, then choose to ignore it. is that so hard to do?
5. move on please.

[raindelay]

1.  You brought the bengineer post up here by being sarcastic about my opinion.
2.  I didn't make a prediction of you getting a divorce.  Read what I wrote.  
3.  There was no stone throwing.
4.  I am not taking it personally.  The emotion on this forum came from you.

[girliegrl1723]

this isnt about bengineer raindelay and i don't wish to continue the discussion as it is no longer an issue. and i don't think your prediction of me getting a divorce is warranted or accurate. lets not throw stones. you dont know me and i don't know you. i dont agree with your outlook on some of the situations that arise in this forum. i am entitled to disagree. don't take it so personally.

[raindelay]

girliegirl, I'd say your comments are out of line, misquoting me, and at odds with each other:

"of course, raindelay, once again, giving excuses to have an affair, or "tryst" as  he likes to call it. "hey, your wife won't give your oral sex, okay, then go find someone who will!"


If you'll come down off of the morality soapbox for five minutes and reread my posts to bengineer you'll see that I never condoned the behavior.  

What I did question is the ends and whether or not disclosing what he did was the best route.  Again I post the question, which is the better route:

1.  bengineer makes mistake, learns from it and goes on to a better husband.

or

2.  bengineer tells his wife about his cheating, tryst, lust, nuclear explosion, genocide or whatever else you want to label it and his relationship falls apart.

You can feel vindicated in your position all the way to divorce court.  In life there are no absolutes and we live in a world of gray.  Maybe you don't but then there's reality.

God forbid you ever have to face these issues but I have seen them as friends/relatives have transitioned in their lives from college to marriage to kids to careers to divorces to illnesses.  A lot of **** goes on in those phases that you'd never thought you'd see and tolerate yourself.

But guess what, looking at three little pairs of eyes and weighing the ramifications of that minute of weakness becomes a slam dunk decision.  The act was not right, I don't condone it, but there it is.

[mayflowers]

It's a shame to see comments like yours but we can't win them all.  I hardly ever agree with sugarpea but in this case, she hit the nail on the head (so to speak).

[lane77]

I talked to my wife about it over the weekend and we had Chinese food, a bottle of wine, and a evening of fun.  She didn't mind at all but just thought I liked it better with regular sex.  So communication works.  I also suprised her with a sex toy that i bought {vibrator} which we used and she was very satisfied.  It's the first time we ever had sex where she had 4 orgasms.  

Thanks for the advise but looks like I took care of it.  I never wanted it all the time but just on special occasions.

I see I struck a nerve here.  

[sugarpea013]

Well gee since your time is so precious thanks for using some of it for your pleasant compliments. You came here and ASKED our opinions. Adk and you shall receive. Bu bye

[lane77]

This isn't worth my time.  Some of you people need to visit the mental health board.

[mayflowers]

This is an OPEN forum, people can and should give their 2 cents to anyone that posts.  I've been blasted a few times so it's something you just get used to.  For instance, I think your posts sound very emotional and not necessarily helpful to the OP, however that is my opinion but the OP may find you helpful therefore I hope you continue to post to people.

The OP is here looking for opinions and advice.  He's a big boy and I'm sure he can take whatever we dish out.  In addition,  the majority of posters on here are women so he is very smart to search us out since he obviously cares about his wife but may not understand what she feels in regards to orl sex.  

Regarding slow_healer, if you read through some of her posts you will see that she is very good at sizing up a situation with compassion, wit and most of all, great analytical skills. If she sees something awry, she says so and it is her right to do so.  While other posters may say leave a 2 sentence response without saying much or being "bland", slow_healer actually delves into the issue at hand and gives educated responses while being compassionate at the same time.  This forum is lucky to have someone of such high caliber give her time and opinions.  In many instances, slow_healers advice and opinion has opened my eyes and thinking and helped me resolve some of my personal issues and I am sure, very sure, that she has helped countless others as well.