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Possible relationship issue?

Hi, I have been receiving possible "attention" from a guy at work. He knows I am married. I am 35 and he is 37.

He has asked me for my mobile number, told me he'd been looking at my photos on my social media page, overstepped boundaries with me (initiating physical contact), checked me out (in my peripheral vision), has asked other co-workers where I work and how long I was going to be there for (I worked on fixed term contracts), told me I look good for my age, has attempted to get me alone with him and he has also tried to touch me more than once.

I really don't know what to do about this. It isn't as though I don't like him in a friendly sense because when I worked alongside him he was really nice and supportive - my other friends have said they are surprised at how positive and helpful he was with me than with anyone else he's worked with (he is their manager). He asked my former boss (who I am friends with and is his subordinate) for my full name and he gave him it without asking why. Some newer, younger friends have said what he's doing sound predatory. Around me, he seems so sweet, polite and gentlemanly.

Part of me is debating to give him my number and see what happens and another part of me is still trying to work out his intentions. A former co-worker of mine who had a hostile relationship with him told me that his department "plays mind games with people" and that they are "the department that everyone hates" but I don't have that problem with them - they're all lovely and still like chatting to me as much as they did when I worked with them. Oddly enough this former co-worker is someone who has never, ever, gotten on with me, despite being a friend of my mum.

If there is any attraction/chemistry between us, I don't get it. I don't fit his profile of any of the models in his calendar (on his social media avatar) - I'm short and I don't rate myself very attractive at all. And I don't know what it is to believe. I don't trust the comments of someone who I didn't get on with at any point, and so all I have to go on for now is my own instinct.

I have kept my husband informed on what is going on and he has told me to be careful when I am around this guy.

Anyway, any ideas on how to proceed would help. Thank you.
2 Responses
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134578 tn?1614729226
If he has already touched you in a way that seemed to overstep boundaries and has been checking you out and trying to touch you, I can't imagine why you would give him your mobile number. It's a social signal -- if a guy in a bar is talking to a woman and asks for her number, she understands him to be saying he wants to take things further. Giving him the number is what a woman would do to indicate to the guy that she would welcome him calling her. In your situation, that is how this guy will take it if you give him your number.

It's nice that he is pleasant and gentlemanly around you, why not leave it at that? (Unless, of course, you really are interested.) You could even tell him that his attention makes you feel rather puzzled, and that you'd rather leave things as they are. If he is simply being naive *or* if he is trying to chat you up, that will cool things down without being rude.
Helpful - 0
207091 tn?1337709493
He sounds creepy to me.

He's commenting on your appearance, which I'm sure is justified, but creepy in the workplace. He's looking up your social media stuff (which you should make private), which is just weird. He's asking for your phone number, which is odd to do to a married woman. He has private info of yours.

He doesn't sound gentlemanly to me. He sounds predatory to me. In most workplaces, there are boundaries set and he's crossing most of them.

It's concerning you enough that you are talking to others about it, and posting about it here. There has to be a little nagging voice in you that is saying that it doesn't feel right. Go with that voice.

You can be firm without being rude. And really - you're a professional, married woman. It's okay to be rude if someone is being unprofessional to you.
Helpful - 0
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