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Reducing sex drive

So my girlfriend suffers from psychological Vaginismus as well little to no sex drive caused by family issues and a string of bad relationships that has left her with self loathing as well as she can be cold and distant at time. She has had counseling but thinks there is no help for her.

I love her with all my heart and just want to be less of an inconvenience for her.

I have a high sex drive and often am agitated and annoyed. At the beginning of the relationship we tried to have sex but it was uncomfortable and often hurt her so we just stopped trying as I didn't want her to do anything she didn't feel comfortable doing. It's been a year now and I, on average, get sexually satisfied by her once a week or less. To me this drives me crazy as I'm the one who generally has to ask for it. And I am often met with expressions such as "really, already?"

She has always been a bit distant. If she does something wrong and sees me upset an apology is followed by "is that better?". However I don't want her to change as it should be up to her if she doesn't feel comfortable and again I don't want to force her.

I was researching different viagra for women but I feel it would be easier to stop myself rather then boost her sex drive. I even considered chemical castration.

I was hoping someone had some help on the matter as I'm running out of ideas and I don't want our relationship to end but I don't want us to drive each other apart to the point that we resent one another.

5 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
Why are you with her,  honestly?  Besides being physically unable to have sex due to psychological issues,  she's kind of rude and uncaring.  

Chemical castration,  really?  

I think you need to move on,  and find an appropriate partner - unless you are willing to live a sex-free life.
13167 tn?1327194124
I meant to say,  if she wanted to change,  I could see some hope.

She's good with this.  That leaves you with no hope this will get better.
Avatar universal
Your solutions sound totally out there and aren't going to solve anything.  

This isn't going to work..........move on.



Avatar universal
Come on, if you still love each other you should try to sort this out. Nice of you to respect her. You should. In almost all relations there is somebody who wants sex more than the other. That is natural. In this case it seems like the two of you could benefit from getting closer to each other emotionally. You need to have really deep conversations and start to communicate your feelings with each other. Not only to find a solution but because communication is important in itself. Maybe her sex drive is not really so low after all, once she can communicate with you better. Who knows? Try to connect more. Both verbally, emotionally, doing things together, gently touching/hugging/kissing and so on.

In the end if you will have a deeply sharing love life,even once per week might be enough. The part who wants the most can also try masturbation techniques.

Try to open up and communicate. But no pressure.
7052683 tn?1392938795
Hi A,

My suggestion would be to have a very serious discussion about how you feel about her, but also about your need for affection and sex.
She is your girlfriend not your wife.

Perhaps if you let her know the fair thing would be to continue seeing each other, but also you would like to see other people and hopefully fulfill some of your sexual needs.

I can understand sex being physically painful for a women but she could at least try oral sex to bring you closer in that area. If she is unwilling to work on this, and continues to be remote then I give you a great deal of credit for being able to live like this and actually feel you are crazy about her.

As long as you are willing to accept this and still put up with it and express your undying love for her---why would she do anything differently then she is doing now--which is freezing you out.
You deserve a good a d loving life with someone. It is very kind that you have not blamed her for her physical problem, but that does not mean you have to accept it and continue to live with her.

Perhaps when she realizes she may loose you she may suddenly be more amorous.  Funny how that works, LOL!
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