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Relationship advice

Now let me first off say I have always been they type of man who was looking for his soul mate a woman he could spend the rest of his life with. I've never been the so called hit and quit it type of guy. I'm basically Ted from how I met your mother. Now I have been with an amazing woman for two years and everything is perfect besides our love life. We're both 26 but she's a virgin and I've only had sex a couple of times. Now I am giver and love giving her head and making her feel good but it seems like she doesn't want to do the same for me. I have tried to be understanding and respect her feelings about sex is why I ask her to perform other things like a hand job or oral but she won't even do that either. I feel like she doesn't want to please me and she once said if you don't like it then leave. I honestly feel like she thinks I won't leave but I am at a crossroads because I don't want to spend the rest of my life begging for sex and not enjoying myself. Now another thing is that I am attracted to transexual porn which is something it took me awhile to tell her she tells me she doesn't understand it but accepts it because it's something that is apart of me. Now I will admit I do want to have sex with a strap on but I think that if she can't even make love to me then there no way in hell were going to do that. Basically what it comes down too is that I don't want a boring sex life and if  I can find a woman who is into everything I like and would be willing to make love to me the way I want and have a good connection with should I leave her or be miserable and always have this issue and problem in our relationship
4 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome.  Well, you have some thinking to do.  We are with our partners for a variety of reasons.  I do think sexual compatibility is important and it doesn't sound like you are sexually compatible.  She may have some hang ups about sexual things as she is a virgin and maybe views all sexual contact before marriage as something that she should avoid or has guilt about it, etc.  have you ever talked to her about that?

We've had posters the past couple of days who like that a woman is or was a virgin when they met them but then are shocked that they aren't overtly sexual before marriage with them.  These two things do kind of go together for me.  You can't 'test the waters' and find out if you are sexually compatible when you are dating a virgin.  

So, you have to go by what you do have in the relationship.  You want sexual contact more than she does.  If this is a deal breaker for you, then break the deal.  Get it over with so both of you can move on and find someone you'll have a more fulfilling sex life with.  good luck
Avatar universal
As ever SpecialMom gives excellent advice

That being said,  I'm often baffled by what one thinks means "virginity"??    Does that term apply simply when the hymen is intact??  - but all else, anything else, is a "go" ??  I totally do not understand when one is willing to give or receive oral sex that one is still considered a "virgin".  In my thinking oral sex IS sex and is AS intimate as intercourse.  Personally I would re-think the values (selfishness??) here, and I agree this does not sound like a 'good match' certainly not "soul mate" material.

I too, wish You GoodLuck in Your decision
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi also, the bigger issue here is that she is the dominant one in the relationship and setting the standards. It will only get worse and you may find yourself chasing her for many years only to find that she prefers manly men and is only with you because it feeds her power. It doesnot appear she respects you at all.
You can test the waters by stop giving her the oral and see where that leads you.
Been there, done that.
Avatar universal
Not sexually compatible and it sounds like that is a deal breaker for you.  Plus she has made it very clear that she isn't budging, so why stick around?
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