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Avatar universal

Relationship co-dependency or just slump?

I have been with my fiance for almost five years. We've moved around to different states almost each year for my school and work, and now that we're settled in one place, he is starting to make some headway in his career. He tries to tell me it was all sacrifice, but I wonder if there was a lack of self-direction on his part.
Each time we move after only living somewhere for a year or so, it takes a toll. Neither of us have made too many lasting friendships on the road, but now that we're settled, it seems hard too.
He has a few co-workers his age. I work from home and travel for my job, so I have 'phone co-workers'. I have tried joining classes in things I am interested in to meet like-minded people, but with travel for work, I don't get to go often enough.
Every so often I just really wonder if we've ruined our relationship by moving around so much. Two people can't fulfill every need of 'community' in each other, but we've been operating that way for years.
Are we using each other as an excuse not to go out and have other friends and a more fulfilled life? Do I need a new job, relationship, or both? Right now I am struggling with the feeling of wanting to leave and start over. Any suggestions?
5 Responses
100019 tn?1335923317
I'm not exactly sure what you're asking for or about.  Women seem to need relationships with other people more than men do, as a general rule.

I always find it odd to hear about people being engaged for five years or more and moving around together like they are married.  Why haven't you just gotten married?

I don't think you always have to look outside to find fulfillment in your life.  My husband is my best friend and I'm his.  I have other friendships but none of them take precedence over my husband or his desires.  He's the same way.
Avatar universal
just from reading your post, i would say that your relationship does not seem to be going in the direction you want,also, i am like mrs Ockert why wait 5 years, if you really care for each other,since you are not married you can always get out of it easy, and it does not sound like you are to happy, I think what yoiu are really asking  If it is ok to move on, and only you can answer that  luck  jo
Avatar universal
I don't understand why people think getting married is a necessity it mostly just social status, getting married does not make your relationship, proof is look at the divorce rate now of days..Friends are a necessity and I really don't know how people can tell ana what direction her relationship is going there are to many factors that one blog cannot tell  no relationship is perfect all relationships have ****** parts to them and if they say there relationship is perfect there lying...or maybe they don't know what there spouse really does cause they live in a self made allusion.
100019 tn?1335923317
My husband and I got married as an action to a commitment we made to each other.  It's a statement that neither of us is going to run away when things get tough.

Yes, 50% of marriages do fail.  Personally, I think it's because not very many people have a true commitment to stick something out till death do us part, as evidenced by the number of posts I've read on here like .... I've been married for 14 years and I'm just not in love with my spouse anymore, if I ever truly was....etc, etc.  There are many books you can buy and read that will give you ideas on what you can do to bring romance back into your marriage or to re-fall in love with your spouse, as it were.

Love is not a warm giddy feeling and pounding heart when The One walks into a room.  Love is cooking dinner and putting it on the table after an argument because you know your husband worked hard all day and is hungry.  Love is mowing the lawn or changing oil in the car when you'd rather be drinking a beer with the guys.  Love is an action that you choose to bestow on the person who you once said is the most important person in the world.

Teko's marriage works for her and her husband.  That marriage wouldn't work for me and my husband.  We look forward to those 3 day weekends of spending 24 hours a day with each other.  We enjoy each others company more than anyone else's.  We spend at least an hour every day talking to each other about our day.  What happened...who did what at work...the kinds of things you would normally talk to your friends about.

Anyway this is too long a posting.  I've never posted this long before.  I just hope that you can find someone (if you haven't already) that you can trust, share things with, laugh with and just enjoy being with.  When you're blessed enough to find it it truly is a magical thing.
100019 tn?1335923317
I hope you don't think I was making light of you and your husband.  From the many posts I've read of yours I believe you and your husband do love each other and are committed to one another.  I don't think marriage was the actual topic of this thread either, it sort of jumped topic.

I just wanted to respond to seven with a few ideas for her to think about.  Didn't want to offend her OR anyone else.  
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