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Avatar universal

Relationship with a Hiv Positive Lady

HI...I guess i am posting in the right forum as tried to read many threads but couldn’t find preferred answer. I posted else but the thread was closed by moderators.
I am not here to know if i am Negative or Positive or any symptoms on window period. Making it short i need proper advice from great people like you who run this forum heartedly. Coming to my question I met a girl online and chatting with her we ended admiring each other and i personally decided that shes up for a long relationship...so we decided to meet up in a local public place. Meeting up and she bombed me with sad news that she is HIV positive. She was infected by her ex bf who cheated on her. Atleast she was bold telling me the truth. I still want to continue relationship with her after seeing the boldness of her telling me the truth and honesty. PLEASE NOTE: She found out shes positive 5 months back and shes not taking any medicines as she cant preserve it home fearing her family will come to know and might cause her problems (parents might commit suicide) How safe can i be to continue this relationship ???? Please advice !! 
46 Responses
13167 tn?1327197724
jumbo,  I would tread very,  very lightly in this relationship.  

Are you in Africa,  or another country where heterosexual transmission of AiDS is common?
Avatar universal
Yes in Africa...lightly as in how ?
3149845 tn?1506631371
Hi and welcome. For me its not a matter of safety, as you are very well aware about what HIV is all about, but its a matter of love for true love conquers all.

I feel you care a great deal about her and are posting here for support in making a decision to continue this with her. But this is something only you can answer in my opinion.
Avatar universal
Its difficult and hurtful...because i know Hiv is for life....but i seriously care n love her
Avatar universal
Its difficult and hurtful...because i know Hiv is for life....but i seriously care n love her
480448 tn?1426952138
Actually, plenty of people take part in serodiscordant relationships and live perfectly normal lives.  Of course, entering into an intimate relationship with a positive person is something that should be well thought out, as not everyone could handle it.  If you are a kind of person who is overly worried about HIV, even when it's not a concern, then you want to give this a lot of thought, or likely you'll end up anxiety riddled and that will cause stress for both of you.

Sadly, a lot of people are very misinformed about HIV and there are a LOT of misconceptions about what is a real risk.  To put it simply, the only way your GF would be able to infect you is if you had unprotected vaginal or anal sex with her, OR shared IV drugs/works.  Nothing else would cause a risk for you, no other sexual activity would be risk, and living with or around an infected person isn't a risk as HIV cannot be transmitted through casual contact or sharing of household items, hugging, kissing, etc.

It's VERY VERY rare for the partner of an infected person to EVER become infected.  If they do, it's usually a result of unprotected sex, or condom failures.  Believe it or not, even a condom failure wouldn't be a super high risk, but obviously, it's something that COULD happen, so you would have to be prepared to handle it if it did.

I recommend you meeting with this girl's ID doctor, and let him educate you a little about the risks, and the FACTS, not the assumptions and incorrect info.  Truth is, you could have a long and healthy and NORMAL relationship with this girl, but it's a decision that should be well thought out.  NOT everyone is emotionally mature enough to handle all that goes along with it, from the possible risks (albeit minimal), and the fact that your GF would have ups and downs in her health.

Good luck!
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